Saturday, December 1, 2012

Break down

I am a loser, officially.

How many times I've promised myself, NOT to cry over spilled milk, not to breakdown in front of you anymore?

I did it, yesterday. I can't control my feelings, there's so much sadness inside me it's like an opened tab, it's flowing through me, and I can't stop it.

Tried so hard to fake a smile, I can do it easily during day time, during outings, when I'm alone. But when I'm with you, all my feelings are slapping right on my face. The pain hit me, the sorrow and the grief hit me hard, times and times.

Pardon me for my unreasonable breakdown.

I finally see the distance, when I not know about your trip. I though we are so call still friends. But friends do share this kind of stories, what happen during day time, gossip, personal updates. But maybe in your translations, these are report and tracking metrics.

We are just avoiding to step on the land mine, and you are stepping back with plans. Stage by stage, slowly stepping back, letting go.

And me, I'm losing myself bit and pieces. Like how you letting things go.

Sometimes when I can't get out of the emotions, I will just drown in my memory lane, the time when I didn't ever think that we will separate, and most importantly -- happy.
I did my best to remind you, of all the olden times, the happy memories, our unfinished promises.
Before the storm, I tried every night, to cuddle you and tell you the old stories. Try to remind you of the love, we once had.

I did my best, really.

I told you I love you, you said Me too...
So, where's the love?

You said I don't listen to you, I don't talk to friends.

No...I've been venting the same thing, over and over.
Talking to many different people, telling in many different ways. I thought I was OK. But I'm not apparently. I'm just numb with the story and the ending. After all, the bitterness is buried with me, and I'm bitter.

God isn't that fair, the world is not fair.
You taken back your love, and took away all my strength and interest.

This is the best thing happen to me EVER!
Don't magnify your problem, there's no one injured, die or handicap. Don't magnify it.

I'll hold on to this, suck it up and fuck off when I'm emotional.

When life give you a lemon, sometimes it can be a sour lemon juice.

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