Most of us are officially become a grown man, stepping out from mummy's and daddy's protection, going out to this sickening society waiting to be burn out and pollute.
Okay, sounds very negative...
but my point is, most of us is going for a job, or...looking for a job.
For those who are not looking for a job either has ended their student life, so no more student identity...now you're enjoying the year end holiday like we used to during after form 5.
But feel sad at the same time for being too free, and looking at people wrote on FB saying they miss Liverpool so badly, you know there's no turning back.
I have been to several interviews...answering their questions make me think of the changes occurred to myself during my college time.
Once an interviewer asked me: 'why you choose to study broadcast, but you don't choose to pursue in this industry?'
Few others interviewer asked me the same question:' Why broadcast ? Why mass comm?'
Why?
I gave them my reasons, but to sum up my reasons, because I used to be Idealistic, but now I'm realistic.
So let see wat's the differences of Idealistic and Realistic...
IDEALISTIC vs. REALISTIC
Idealistic: the 'future' in mind is within 5 years time.
Realistic: the 'future' in mind is up to 70 years old.
Idealistic: most important is happiness.
Realistic: most important is happiness, and the happiness of the others.
Idealistic: can make a decision in less than a minute. The factor is 'like/dislike'.
Realistic: take ages to make a decision, depends on the importance of the issue. eg: What to eat for lunch? (factor: calories, budget, after lunch feel sleepy, distance to grab the lunch, weather, hungry or very hungry, ahh....half an hour of lunch time gone.)
Idealistic: can always ask for pocket money in super thick face.
Realistic: seldom ask for pocket money unless mummy really forgotten to give.
Idealistic: see anything in RM XX.99 will think it's cheap.
Realistic: see any price tag in RM XX.99 will automatic round up the numbers plus tax and service charges and god knows whatever hidden charges.
Idealistic: always see myself still young, study life is still a long way to go.
Realistic: started to think about how much family have spent on my studies, how much longer I able to pay back the debt.
Idealistic: do part time job for fun.
Realistic: do part time job for $$.
Idealistic: study fashion trend and craving for branded stuff, the aim for future is to carry a LV bag.
Realistic: study fashion trend and craving for branded stuff as well, but notice the identity and standard of one is the factors which determined whether the LV is a fake one or a ori one.
Idealistic: chase after some boy band and buy whatever with their image on.
Realistic: download their songs from Internet will do.
Idealistic: full of imagination and creativity.
Realistic: rusty imagination, zero creativity.
Idealistic: Come'on! who wants to think about tax, credit card, insurance and EPF?
Realistic: Gosh...tax payer is painful, plus insurance and EPF???
Idealistic: can spend whichever I like, as long as there's still 5 ringgit notes in my purse. (or coins)
Realistic: Less than RM 50 is very insecure.
Idealistic: dreaming to become a backpacker and travel around the world.
Realistic: dreaming to become a backpacker but can just remains as dream. Family to feed and debts to pay are more important.
Idealistic: Savings is to buy the latest mp3/camera/handphone/designer bag/celebrate Christmas/CD...
Realistic: Savings is to invest.
Idealistic: Where you see yourself in 5 years time? Answer: Dunno wor...
Realistic: Where you see yourself in 5 years time? Answer: (Model answer) I see myself achieving at least 3 steps of my career ladder.
Now...you know what I mean?
Quite sad actually to see myself transform into this kind of person, and I might become like this or worst for the rest of my life.
All these are not FACTS, but just a comparison according to my transformation in these years in college.
A new start tomorrow, hopefully it'll be a good start and hopefully SUN SUN LI LI...
please let me fall in love with buses and LRT as well...(!%$&##!@#!!!)
Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
整理篇
印象中从来没有用中文写过部落格。
今天偶然阅览了几个同学的部落格，发现原来大家都很感性，还真有点像我以前的样子。
以前我的文法超级感性。我想大概是因为心情不好，写的东西都不是开心的，自然就很感性了。
以前很少开心的事。
话说回来，中学开心的是我还可以记得，可是不开心的更多。
经历了一些事之后，学会了强颜欢笑，那时人缘才比较好一点。
华乐在我中学的时候对我很重要，多亏有华乐，我的中学生涯也没有白过。
后来上了学院，更多不开心的事。开心的大概也没那几样。
大家都说我以前很不好相处，很难接近。
我也了解，那时候我的防卫心太重了。
总觉得每个人都和我不一样，每个人的想法都和我有出入。
况且中学很多不愉快的事，让我不知不觉中学会自我保护，自我封闭。
每天板起一副嘴脸（这是之后朋友告诉我的），好像大家都欠了我钱似的。
在没有很多朋友的情况下，再来就是之后和朋友闹翻，心情真得一塌糊涂。
没有友情，没有爱情，也没有亲情的时候，文字就成了我宣泄的唯一管道。
我还以为我到现在还是很感性，看了别人的文章才了解我根本都不感性乐，还有点通俗。
伤心的时候能写诗写词，形容词好得不得了。
最近渐渐变得没有个性了。
汗
从前很憧憬恋爱的时候，总是在参考别人怎么恋爱，怎么沟通，怎么相处，不知不觉就建立起一个‘恋爱蓝本’。因为老是在听朋友的抱怨，下意识也让自己对感情很谨慎。
当身边多了个人陪伴的时候才发觉，‘恋爱蓝本’是不切实际的。
‘恋爱蓝本’是我参考了别人的例子，引以为鉴而已。
所以在一开始的时候，当我觉得很多事情都理所当然的时候，另一方就觉得不可思议，最后演变成无理取闹，再来一个一哭二闹的完美收场。
我做事向来都很理性的，和我共事过的人都知道，我最忌拖泥带水。
可我现在到底在唱哪出戏，都不晓得了。
另一半的牵绊，令我无论做什么都优先考虑。
有了一个首要顾虑，我做事拖泥带水，优柔寡断，时常两头不到岸，最后还没有理想的结果，往往吵闹收场。
生活的重心转移了，做什么都为另一半先想，真怀疑自己是不是雌性荷尔蒙过剩，母性漫溢！
有时候真觉得自己好像我妈妈。每每我做什么事都会令我联想到我妈妈，因为我妈妈也是这样，以家庭为中心。
每次都觉得要为自己多做一点事，要对自己好一点，可是往往就是无法自拔。想必我在为你劳碌的时候自己也是幸福的。
无可否认的，我的确是保护欲强，我是家里的老大，很正常的现象。
在这个过程中，自我会渐渐消失在过剩的关爱中，最后变软弱。
以前一个人的时候，从来不会按不住寂寞打电话只为了说一些有的没的，也不会因为几句重话而一发不能收拾。满肚子都是道理，可是就是说不出口。
话说到嘴边眼泪就却提了。
误会就是这样产生的。
我想说却说不出口，想听的人却越来越不耐烦，以为我是故意沉默闹脾气。
每次想解释，想说明白，到头来只是放声大哭。 连我自己都讨厌这样的自己，别人哪里会不讨厌呢？
以上的一切都不是怨言，只是一些心情上的整理。
说到底我还是庆幸的，至少我现在还有目标，还有一个人愿意陪伴我。
他也让我发现自己还有身为女孩子的娇纵；偶尔一些关心我的举动都让我开心上老半天。
有什么还比身心疲累的时候有一个厚实的拥抱来的重要呢。
未来对现在的我来说太遥远了。
以后有什么等着我还是未知数，不过我会努力，努力，再努力。
努力寻找一个健康的平衡点，努力好好开心的相处，努力尽量腻在一起，努力每天都开心，努力让你开开心心，努力赚钱，努力修生养性，努力提升自己。
今天偶然阅览了几个同学的部落格，发现原来大家都很感性，还真有点像我以前的样子。
以前我的文法超级感性。我想大概是因为心情不好，写的东西都不是开心的，自然就很感性了。
以前很少开心的事。
话说回来，中学开心的是我还可以记得，可是不开心的更多。
经历了一些事之后，学会了强颜欢笑，那时人缘才比较好一点。
华乐在我中学的时候对我很重要，多亏有华乐，我的中学生涯也没有白过。
后来上了学院，更多不开心的事。开心的大概也没那几样。
大家都说我以前很不好相处，很难接近。
我也了解，那时候我的防卫心太重了。
总觉得每个人都和我不一样，每个人的想法都和我有出入。
况且中学很多不愉快的事，让我不知不觉中学会自我保护，自我封闭。
每天板起一副嘴脸（这是之后朋友告诉我的），好像大家都欠了我钱似的。
在没有很多朋友的情况下，再来就是之后和朋友闹翻，心情真得一塌糊涂。
没有友情，没有爱情，也没有亲情的时候，文字就成了我宣泄的唯一管道。
我还以为我到现在还是很感性，看了别人的文章才了解我根本都不感性乐，还有点通俗。
伤心的时候能写诗写词，形容词好得不得了。
最近渐渐变得没有个性了。
汗
从前很憧憬恋爱的时候，总是在参考别人怎么恋爱，怎么沟通，怎么相处，不知不觉就建立起一个‘恋爱蓝本’。因为老是在听朋友的抱怨，下意识也让自己对感情很谨慎。
当身边多了个人陪伴的时候才发觉，‘恋爱蓝本’是不切实际的。
‘恋爱蓝本’是我参考了别人的例子，引以为鉴而已。
所以在一开始的时候，当我觉得很多事情都理所当然的时候，另一方就觉得不可思议，最后演变成无理取闹，再来一个一哭二闹的完美收场。
我做事向来都很理性的，和我共事过的人都知道，我最忌拖泥带水。
可我现在到底在唱哪出戏，都不晓得了。
另一半的牵绊，令我无论做什么都优先考虑。
有了一个首要顾虑，我做事拖泥带水，优柔寡断，时常两头不到岸，最后还没有理想的结果，往往吵闹收场。
生活的重心转移了，做什么都为另一半先想，真怀疑自己是不是雌性荷尔蒙过剩，母性漫溢！
有时候真觉得自己好像我妈妈。每每我做什么事都会令我联想到我妈妈，因为我妈妈也是这样，以家庭为中心。
每次都觉得要为自己多做一点事，要对自己好一点，可是往往就是无法自拔。想必我在为你劳碌的时候自己也是幸福的。
无可否认的，我的确是保护欲强，我是家里的老大，很正常的现象。
在这个过程中，自我会渐渐消失在过剩的关爱中，最后变软弱。
以前一个人的时候，从来不会按不住寂寞打电话只为了说一些有的没的，也不会因为几句重话而一发不能收拾。满肚子都是道理，可是就是说不出口。
话说到嘴边眼泪就却提了。
误会就是这样产生的。
我想说却说不出口，想听的人却越来越不耐烦，以为我是故意沉默闹脾气。
每次想解释，想说明白，到头来只是放声大哭。 连我自己都讨厌这样的自己，别人哪里会不讨厌呢？
以上的一切都不是怨言，只是一些心情上的整理。
说到底我还是庆幸的，至少我现在还有目标，还有一个人愿意陪伴我。
他也让我发现自己还有身为女孩子的娇纵；偶尔一些关心我的举动都让我开心上老半天。
有什么还比身心疲累的时候有一个厚实的拥抱来的重要呢。
未来对现在的我来说太遥远了。
以后有什么等着我还是未知数，不过我会努力，努力，再努力。
努力寻找一个健康的平衡点，努力好好开心的相处，努力尽量腻在一起，努力每天都开心，努力让你开开心心，努力赚钱，努力修生养性，努力提升自己。
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Disoder...
I guess I've abandon my blog like...forever?
So before it rots better for me to update at least one post.
I don't know why am I so lazy to update, but I guess is because of my lifeless life.
After awake from my UK dream, everyone seems to have their own life, their own things to do.
No more alwayssticktogether thing as a gang.
Some are busy courting girls, some are busy hanging out with their another half, some are looking for jobs...
I guess I was busy 'waiting' for a job.
I don't really know what to do and what to expect for a job at first...
I'm seriously not intended to go into production, although I love it, but for long term wise, Production work can't feed myself and my family.
I see how my friends being exploited by some big glamorous regional media company, and I realise how bad this industry treats us the freshies.
I understand that they feel lucky and happy being able to work in those well known company, and able to learn things at the same time.
I never worked as a production member before, so I guess I have no right to comment on that.
But what I can tell is production work is so far away from what I imagine my future would be.
For more than a month I've been job hunting, I roughly have an idea what I want as my career.
To put it in short...'5 DAYS A WEEK AND PAYS WELL'
Which is bull shit because everyone wants that kind of job...
OK, so put it this way...'5 DAYS A WEEK AND PAYS WELL PLUS IS MEDIA RELATED'
nah....it sounds better now.
I admit that I kinda phobia with workaholic life style...
Seeing my friend dedicate her life to a company, handle pressures and being back stabbed by others is not a good thing.
But I guess working for something I really passionate ain't a bad thing....perhaps.
The first job I interview is Nuffnang.
Oh Nuffnang Oh Nuffnang!!!
I've been reading the founder's blog like...for a year?
I really admire his capability and the creativity of the company.
But one thing I really regret is this is my FIRST interview, which I screwed up quite badly.
I was nervous, pretended to be calm....I say something silly...and I sounds like a blog reader fan meeting the blogger rather than an interviewee...which is BAD BAD BAD.
The second interview is totally a disaster.
Like every other freshies out there, I am prepared for the interview.
Dress up like a corporate lady, walk straight, survey about the company, print out map in case I get lost, went to the company 2 hours earlier to avoid jam....
That morning I feel awful and I even stopped at one of the LRT station to vomit, but all I can vomit is just some liquid...
With my shaking leg and strenghtless body, I get into a cab and go for the place.
I paid freaggin RM 14 for the cab if I'm not mistaken...and the distance is only less than 5 minutes!
Hell...
Well, if I get to find a good job, I don't mind paying that.
So after I went in, I filled up some forms, and there this lady who looks like some director or manager to interview me.
The first question strikes me :'now, show me your portfolio.'
I'm like...'HUH?'
ps: btw, it's an event management company.
'What portfolio?' (she wouldn't be interested in what drama or ads i shoot before rite)
'What event you did in the past?'
She is obviously never notice I'm a fresh grads.
From the way she ask me questions, I can feel that she has a very strong personality, and should be a mad career lady.
She didn't ask me many questions, but just all sorts of hardship and problems to deal with when I'm in the position.
'Do you think you can handle the stress? Work for long hours? In a very tough environment? Handling all sorts of details?' ( In a very pushy way, without a single smile on her face)
'I think maybe yes..." (how the hell I would know I never work before leh!)
'I don't want to waste your time and my time, I don't want maybe, give me a YES OR NO.'
"............"
the conclusion of the interview is....She is not looking for an employee, she's looking for a trainee...a really cheap trainee (She offers me 1.3k with immediate start, start working on that day itself! She said that 1.3k is really a lot, she get application for degree student for 1k salary.) to do all the work for her.
Well..typical cina beng company.
But hey!!! with your 'generous' pay...how would I able to survive in PJ!!!! I think my pay is probably lesser than a promoter lo =.=
After this interview...I get totally defeated.
Is this how much I worth?
Worked so hard to get a degree, this is how much I worth?
BULLSHIT!!!!!!!
I'm not picky in choosing job, but at least the job at least have to enable me to feed myself and some savings..most importantly is to pay my loans.
JT keep saying I'm picky in job...but what I don't want is being exploited when you know you worth more than this.
Another reason is I don't want production work, which I explained earlier.
The following week, whole week I get no call for interview, in stead I followed JT to all of his interviews.
I normally can gao dimed my interview in less than 20 minutes, the most 30 minutes...but JT's interview all longer than an hour!
And I think he is probably very sincere in the interview, the interviewer tend to explains everything to him, which I think is a good thing, rather than some who just want to hire a 1.3k cheap labour.
And good for him, he got a not bad offer, and I thinks this is a very potential field, the MOST important thing is...the company shows sincerity in hiring him, not to bully freshies.
That week I really felt the pressures...
I send resume like mad and log in to most of the career websites.
Even one of my interviewee said she received 3 of my resume ! LOL.
The next week has been interview madness...up to today, I went for 5 interviews, and 3 more lining up until next Monday.
The weather is really cold these days...I feel like falling sick anytime.
Maybe that's the reason I felt so tired to attend to interview.
JT working as freelance before his work, so no more driver for me.
Waiting like a SH in KLCC Isetan office today really doze me off....
but this is interview...what to do?
If I could I would just walk off and say F you! I'll get a better offer than you!
But a beggar ain't a chooser rite?
Tomorrow I got a 2nd interview from a company that I really like.
It's a online ads company, less bitchiness than other ads firm i think.
Hopefully I can get a confirmation this week *finger crossed* and I can stop interviewing.
Please....don't fall sick =.=
So before it rots better for me to update at least one post.
I don't know why am I so lazy to update, but I guess is because of my lifeless life.
After awake from my UK dream, everyone seems to have their own life, their own things to do.
No more alwayssticktogether thing as a gang.
Some are busy courting girls, some are busy hanging out with their another half, some are looking for jobs...
I guess I was busy 'waiting' for a job.
I don't really know what to do and what to expect for a job at first...
I'm seriously not intended to go into production, although I love it, but for long term wise, Production work can't feed myself and my family.
I see how my friends being exploited by some big glamorous regional media company, and I realise how bad this industry treats us the freshies.
I understand that they feel lucky and happy being able to work in those well known company, and able to learn things at the same time.
I never worked as a production member before, so I guess I have no right to comment on that.
But what I can tell is production work is so far away from what I imagine my future would be.
For more than a month I've been job hunting, I roughly have an idea what I want as my career.
To put it in short...'5 DAYS A WEEK AND PAYS WELL'
Which is bull shit because everyone wants that kind of job...
OK, so put it this way...'5 DAYS A WEEK AND PAYS WELL PLUS IS MEDIA RELATED'
nah....it sounds better now.
I admit that I kinda phobia with workaholic life style...
Seeing my friend dedicate her life to a company, handle pressures and being back stabbed by others is not a good thing.
But I guess working for something I really passionate ain't a bad thing....perhaps.
The first job I interview is Nuffnang.
Oh Nuffnang Oh Nuffnang!!!
I've been reading the founder's blog like...for a year?
I really admire his capability and the creativity of the company.
But one thing I really regret is this is my FIRST interview, which I screwed up quite badly.
I was nervous, pretended to be calm....I say something silly...and I sounds like a blog reader fan meeting the blogger rather than an interviewee...which is BAD BAD BAD.
The second interview is totally a disaster.
Like every other freshies out there, I am prepared for the interview.
Dress up like a corporate lady, walk straight, survey about the company, print out map in case I get lost, went to the company 2 hours earlier to avoid jam....
That morning I feel awful and I even stopped at one of the LRT station to vomit, but all I can vomit is just some liquid...
With my shaking leg and strenghtless body, I get into a cab and go for the place.
I paid freaggin RM 14 for the cab if I'm not mistaken...and the distance is only less than 5 minutes!
Hell...
Well, if I get to find a good job, I don't mind paying that.
So after I went in, I filled up some forms, and there this lady who looks like some director or manager to interview me.
The first question strikes me :'now, show me your portfolio.'
I'm like...'HUH?'
ps: btw, it's an event management company.
'What portfolio?' (she wouldn't be interested in what drama or ads i shoot before rite)
'What event you did in the past?'
She is obviously never notice I'm a fresh grads.
From the way she ask me questions, I can feel that she has a very strong personality, and should be a mad career lady.
She didn't ask me many questions, but just all sorts of hardship and problems to deal with when I'm in the position.
'Do you think you can handle the stress? Work for long hours? In a very tough environment? Handling all sorts of details?' ( In a very pushy way, without a single smile on her face)
'I think maybe yes..." (how the hell I would know I never work before leh!)
'I don't want to waste your time and my time, I don't want maybe, give me a YES OR NO.'
"............"
the conclusion of the interview is....She is not looking for an employee, she's looking for a trainee...a really cheap trainee (She offers me 1.3k with immediate start, start working on that day itself! She said that 1.3k is really a lot, she get application for degree student for 1k salary.) to do all the work for her.
Well..typical cina beng company.
But hey!!! with your 'generous' pay...how would I able to survive in PJ!!!! I think my pay is probably lesser than a promoter lo =.=
After this interview...I get totally defeated.
Is this how much I worth?
Worked so hard to get a degree, this is how much I worth?
BULLSHIT!!!!!!!
I'm not picky in choosing job, but at least the job at least have to enable me to feed myself and some savings..most importantly is to pay my loans.
JT keep saying I'm picky in job...but what I don't want is being exploited when you know you worth more than this.
Another reason is I don't want production work, which I explained earlier.
The following week, whole week I get no call for interview, in stead I followed JT to all of his interviews.
I normally can gao dimed my interview in less than 20 minutes, the most 30 minutes...but JT's interview all longer than an hour!
And I think he is probably very sincere in the interview, the interviewer tend to explains everything to him, which I think is a good thing, rather than some who just want to hire a 1.3k cheap labour.
And good for him, he got a not bad offer, and I thinks this is a very potential field, the MOST important thing is...the company shows sincerity in hiring him, not to bully freshies.
That week I really felt the pressures...
I send resume like mad and log in to most of the career websites.
Even one of my interviewee said she received 3 of my resume ! LOL.
The next week has been interview madness...up to today, I went for 5 interviews, and 3 more lining up until next Monday.
The weather is really cold these days...I feel like falling sick anytime.
Maybe that's the reason I felt so tired to attend to interview.
JT working as freelance before his work, so no more driver for me.
Waiting like a SH in KLCC Isetan office today really doze me off....
but this is interview...what to do?
If I could I would just walk off and say F you! I'll get a better offer than you!
But a beggar ain't a chooser rite?
Tomorrow I got a 2nd interview from a company that I really like.
It's a online ads company, less bitchiness than other ads firm i think.
Hopefully I can get a confirmation this week *finger crossed* and I can stop interviewing.
Please....don't fall sick =.=
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