Monday, July 31, 2017

Aftermath



Face your fear. I said to myself.
Cringe your finger, hold your heart, bite your teeth and endure the uneasiness when you facing your fear.
Face it and everything will be good.

You will reset, reload and restart. You will be a new you and it's gonna be fine.
Maybe at times you want to fall back to your greatest mistake again, but we only have one life, we made mistakes and learn, and we make mistakes again and we gain.

We bounce.

Friday, June 30, 2017

| Shift | Change | Growth |



Recently my brother finally has a gf, and it's amazing to observe my brother.
He used to be lazy bump who can sleep no earlier than noon every weekend without fail. He will skip breakfast and eat like there's no tomorrow for the following meals.

He's now a early bird. Will wait for the gf to wake up from sleep, and he will just wait patiently.

He used to be fat, in fact both of us are always fat kid in the family.

And now, he's barely fat, at most a M size with some decent looking muscle.

He never iron his working attire. Last time.
Now he does.

Nevertheless, all these changes are good. I see improvement in him, and amazed at how universe can change him to be someone I can't possibly imagine.

The power of age? of love? of growth?

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I think from time to time I also amazed at my own changes.

I got engaged on April fool this year, in Coldplay concert, the bridge in the song of 'Fix you'.
That's the biggest change. In status.

Other than that, I used to have just flabby arms, gross soft fat tissues all around me. And I can't tolerate them, but do nothing to get rid of them.

Now I have a bit more confident, not because those fats are not there anymore, it's just because I did what I can in my comfortable level to stay healthy and fit.

I still eat happily, still indulge most of the time. But whenever I can, I'll pick up healthy eating and exercise.

I can't say I love exercising now, I still hate it. But the after feeling is good, and guilt free when I indulge. Wrong motive to workout, but...who cares :)

I somehow changed in my attitude in work. I used to care a lot about work. Now I probably care a bit more about life than work.  

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The changes happened to us after my engagement is also taken me aback.

I thought everything will be roughly the same, so I thought.

Indeed nothing much changes, but my husband-to-be's initiative on wedding planner amazes me.

We never spend time talking about marriage or wedding, but once he proposed, his 'wedding' mode is fully on. I'm like dating a new guy all over again.

Interesting.

I'm blessed that I see his commitment, with lots of initiative and effort. And I'm glad that MOST of the things we are on the same page. But we haven't even started working on it yet, so can't say for sure.

He still that very mafan boy who will complain about bodyache and itchiness ALL THE TIME, practically handicap when I'm around, but he knew how much I took care of him, and he willing to show appreciation in his own way.

He will not stingy to share his fortune with me. Nothing fancy, just by paying all my meals I feel very blessed. Not that the amount counts, some might be millionair but they won't share their fortune with another half.

He's not rich, but he's willing to share and spend on me.

Maybe that is how couple 'suppose to' behave, especially a 9 years relationship. But there's nothing is 'suppose to' happen, it's all effort and mutual understanding. It takes 2 in any form of relationship to create vibration among people, there's nothing come naturally if you are not playing your part.

No one person is 'suppose to' be there for you, if you do not give the same.
(But if you are sucker this might happen all the time.)

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Although nothing much has been planned, but long before this I force my dear friend to serenade to me in my wedding. It's one of my dream to have someone serenading to me, i just use my day that I can have full control to force him to agree.

Talented person but stingy in showing off. Hate it when every time I hear him sing, it's just 1/4 of the song and the rest are gibberish. If you like to have someone ruin your song, call me.

Other than that, I'm asking a few musician to 'chip in' songs for me. It's gonna be fun i think.

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I'm 30 this year. I don't feel mid life/ quarter life crisis anymore.

Partly because of my dog, I keep myself busy and have very little time to focus on negativity. She's god sent, she came to me when I'm in a mess, she pick me up from the ground.

I am blessed.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

#BFF

What is BFF?
According to Wikipedia: "Best friends forever" ("BFF") is a phrase that describes a close friendship. 



Close friendship comes in many forms.
I would define close friendship as such.

- Close friend have a constant effort to stay close with each other no matter how busy they are
- Close friend will have effort to update each other and will not shy to talk about it
- Close friends choose close friends for important decision, seek for advise and listen to what only your bff will say
- BFF will not judge you for being you, but will comment on you and make you be a better person
- Close friend influence each other to become better self
- Close friends will remain as close friends even though time drift them apart.

It's not easy, rather it's not hard to become friends. It's hard to be close friends, Harder to maintain it.

I once though that I will have never ending topics and will never feel distance from a close friend. I treasure this friendship, being the best supportive figure I can ever be, tried to help as much as I can and try not to feel like been taken for granted. 

However time proves me wrong. Time will drift people apart, topics become mundane, atmosphere become awkward and eventually, there's no meaning to meet anymore.

Nobody say it was easy, I know. 

I'll keep trying, until my face is so thick I will not feel the akwardness anymore.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Need to be lit up.

Quick update. 

I have a rough day, rough week, rough month. I'm busy, but I used to be wayyyyyy busier, this is nothing compare to last time. 

But I feel harder to accomplish things now, when the instructions are confusing. 

I know we all work for the rice bowl. But really, do you want to work just for the rice bowl? 

I felt more stupid these days, partly because for years I've not been learning new stuff in my industry. No doubt I learnt a lot of corporate skill, but industry knowledge I feel like I'm stepping on the same point. Not moving forward. 

I used to be inspired by stories people told me, the idea they had in mind, awed by people who want to accomplish great things, not doing things just to please the social stigma. I missed the days when I have long meaningful conversation with my mentor, visualizing the world he had, and inspire me to be a better person. 

Days like this I miss him a lot. I just need to be inspired and feed my hungry brain I guess.

I barely create something new, there's nothing new to create. I want to be a creator, a inspirational figure, a digital expert. #sohardmeh 

Monday, February 27, 2017

Learn how to be alone again


I talked to a friend last week about being alone. 'Have you ever enjoy alone time?'
'Yes, I do enjoy alone time like this, but I hate to be alone, as in alone alone.'

Loneliness is always my weakest spot since donkey years ago.
I hate to be alone with no purpose, I just hate that empty spot in my life where I have only myself.

I feel stressed recently, could be PMS, could be stress, could be the mundane life that I can't break out of it.
So I opened the pandora box.

And truth hurts.

When I thought we're going to the same direction, but the truth is we're not. We are in opposite direction trying to walk parallel.

I pictured myself to be a mother, to have purpose in life. But it all shattered when it's all just in my head.

I'm traumatized inside. It's all happening again, again and again.

I have no one to talk to, no one I want to talk to.

Please someone teach me to be alone again, please tell me it's ok to be alone.



Sunday, February 12, 2017

New Year Resolutions 2017

I told myself not to do this, but I think I need this. Let's take small steps at a time.

It's my big 3---0 this year, hence I want this year to be productive, fruitful and happy.


1. To care less about bitches and hypocrites
Admit it, life is full of bitches, and I can't avoid it. So let's not avoid it and be selective in caring.
Some people just don't like to see peace and would like the world to burn. I choose not to get involve and work AROUND these bitches.
You want to get into me, in your dream bitch!

2. To be loved




I heard from an aunt today about working her life all along, for kids, for work, for school. But what she wish for when she's old is to have a peace of mind, to worry less and to enjoy more.
I shall do this from now on, so when I have a kid of my own, I will not regret for living less when I can.

3. Smile more



I think generally I looked better when I smile. I want to look prettier. All I need is a bimbo reason.
Learn to smile in front of people who I don't like, this is like another level up.

4. Sing along song
I want to be better at guitar. I stopped at maybe....3-4 songs and I'm still struggling with these songs.
I wanna get betterrrrrrrr and hopefully someday I can just pick up the guitar and be handsome and charming, and play it like a pro.

5. Fitness goal




My fitness goal is not to achieve a certain weight loss or any shape..
I realize I've been working out, eating cleaner for 3 years now, but honestly weight loss is not happening (much). But I feel better about myself. Fat is lesser, muscle gained more. I do look big still generally, but I feel this kind of big is different from last time. Last time everything is soft, greasy and I get tired swimming 2 laps.

I can swim 12-15 laps now without stopping :)

Now I feel good when I work out, when I feast I feel guilt free. I work out to stay active and keep up the stamina. I feel not sorry when I still picking clothes for M or L size because I know I don't look just 'fat'. I look normal.

Work out has changed me quite a bit. I don't like to sweat still but I think I diciplined myself to do that.

 Let's take baby steps and hopefully world can get better :)

Adios!



Friday, January 13, 2017

Japan 2016

Konnichiwa!

This post serve as a travelogue to record my 29 birthday present to myself <3 p="">
I worked hard in year 2016. BLOODY HARD.
When I keep contemplating wherther I should go to Japan to reward myself, I reckon I should treat myself fairly given I worked my ass off in this year.

So I did, with my best travel mate, and off we go a magical journey.
It worth every penny we spend, and I think this is the BEST birthday present I ever gotten for myself.

The craziest thing we ever had in the entire trip. We went to a local bar with no idea what to order. This is served when we askfor their famous dish. RAW CHICKEN. It actually taste quite good :)

The normal karaage

Liver skewer

chicken meat ball

First night, bracing 5 degree to find food. I'm so glad we decided to come to this local bar. The boss is sooooo shy he trying to have small talk with us but he couldn't speak a word of English. End up we manage to engage with him using my very limited japanese


Ginkgo leaves everywhere!


Crazy japanese. They are protecting palm trees, coz basically palm trees can't stand the cold weather. They are wrapping the trees with straw to keep them 'warm', with certain design to beautify the wrapping. They even have a banner to explain why they doing this.




DREAM COME TRUE!

Arabica coffee! I've been following the instagram of this barista, and finally I can have a sip of dream.

Oversweet Taiyaki


Arashiyama. My favorite!






Leng! Single and still available!




This place is so unreal!


Some random flower shop. They don't keep the flowers inside at night, just leave it outside and NO ONE will steal the pots.

Every morning we stroll around and look for coffee. Family mart coffee wins

A small neighborhood in Kyoto called Hanazono. We started our journey crazy early every morning. We see students rushing to school, rows and rows of bicycle to work and to school. It's such an awesome experience.

Must have! Osaka shui gou gai!

Didn't had much sushi, only manage to eat ONCE :(










Kiyomizudera. Heard that they are going to close it for 3 years for refurbishing.


Kita no tenmangu. We paid 700 yen to enter the park but it's MAGICAL! The leaves are red untillllll.....



Mastuya! Still the best GYUDON!


We search around for this small cafe called KURASU. It's hidden at the alley near Kyoto Station. The barista speaks perfect english. Their signature is hand drip coffee. They basically make coffee while listening to John mayer, humming the music and dancing along. These make good coffee I guess, must be the John Mayer.


ICHIRAN!!!! HOU GIK DONG ARRR!

The original coco ichibanya. They changed their menu slightly, didn't taste as good as the first time I had it.


Who said you can't talk to deers?


This turn out to be the BEST ramen we ever had.

Yuzu flavor ramen. Awesome until I want to cry.

Christmas trees in Universal Osaka. Why trees also bigger than people wan.


Some random awesome fried pancake. Just because you're in Jurrasic park you need to eat this.

Magical Harry Potter town


Look what I'm saying? Magical until my skin also look damn purfect.



Pablo mini

Lobster roll

Suppose to be kobe beef but not as nice.

This is nice until wanna cry also. Okonomiyaki!

Why my skin complexion so nice wan.



This yakiniku is awesome untilI don't know what to say.


At Kaiyukan