Sunday, December 15, 2013

Be nice to yourself

It's awakening when friends of mine was shopping with me, and every shops I went in they will know I'll end up buying nothing.

Yes, girl, be nice to yourself. I think.

Maybe that's the right thing to do.


I used to have this fantasy, meeting someone who will treat me like a real precious, a princess maybe.
That's quite hideous dream but I think nothing wrong had that dream.
And here I come to realize that being nice to you, is not the same as treating you as someone important.

There's many forms and factors of love and compassion. Some pour in effort wholeheartedly, some feel loved by being loved.

Why let people screw you when you can be queen of yourself?


My weakness and my strength are being very emotional and very attached to people whom I care. Making decisions will be extremely hard when I have to make a choice, on the people I cared.

Again, why let yourself live under the attic, when you can live under a big mansion with Tiffany lighting, furnished with Christmas trees and Swaroski finishing. 

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Pseudo work

Ya, I always do. I always do 120%.
When you think naively what you did is equal or a bit less than what you got, you're wrong.
I am wrong. I am so wrong after so long.

Started from the empty jar, filled with dreams, passion and admire. Days by days it got replaced with responsible, work and duty.
I didn't look at the empty jar for long, and I see there's nothing there. It's just an old jar.

All this while I believe in what I believed, be nice to people and you will have return.
Yesterday I was in an event, and my name card doesn't fit me in anywhere. Put up a big smile and be thick face. Shake hands, exchange name cards, and move on.

I never felt like this before, at least not during 9-6. It's so hurtful I can barely look at anyone. Tears is about to burst out, what I did is seriously cowardly, I escaped.

Something belongs to me, is being ripped off. From the pregnancy to the delivery, but the baby is taken away from me because I'm just a surrogate mother. A replacement, a second option, a back up plan.

Identity crisis. If you are not a fish, no matter how much you try to pretend you are, you are still a whale, a mammal. You will never be fish.

I've been asked, many times.
What have I done?
Seriously, I don't know, I can't calculate, I can't rewind my day in day out schedule.
But I know I wasted time, not without a reason.
Silence is all I can reply.

One genius told me before, some annoying fact.
'No boss will scream and yell at you for fun, they do it for a reason, for an explanation and solution.'
I was annoyed, but it's true.

One fine day I will learn not to remain silent. I should defend myself, with full of condident.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Stupidity can't cure

Rough rough rough morning today, things didn't get better, scratches my neighbor car today, of all the things I do, I did the most stupid thing one can ever imagine. My car is damaged, the neighbor's car is scratched.

Everything could possibly goes wrong, gone wrong.

I need positive vibe I know. But how?

Score board

For years, I thought I am achieving something, slowly but I am getting something out of hard work.
But it come to me that hard work doesn't justify anything.

Hard work is just a waste of time if nothing in return.

The bridge I built is falling apart, piece by piece.

It's just plain heartache seeing something I believe in, falling apart, turning into ash.
Moment like this, it's just too loud for a wake up call.

When you are too attached to one thing, even to your work, losing it ache your heart.