Sunday, May 29, 2016

Realization of 29 YO

If there's a time machine, I'm sure my old self will be shock at my new self.
Hello 29!

Beginning of this year I started to have SLOW realization of 29 YO. My final year of being 20s.
I can stop giving myself excuse that I'm young, no one will treat me like a little girl anymore, and don't, don't hope for that too.
I am an ADULT from experience and age.

I need to be responsible for my life.

Let's take a look what are the differences, 20s vs 29s

1. Exercise

I can NEVER imagine myself being a yogi in my early 20s. I used to hate exercising. The only time I did that is because vain reason, I just want to loose weight. I undergone some extreme diet, torture my stomach and eat only fiber. I was young, although it's tough but still bearable. I can almost conclude that I can't do that kind of extreme lifestyle anymore.

After few instances, I started to pick up swimming thanks to my buddy. Then we become regular exercise buddy and started yoga, and some group exercise classes.

Now I am proud to pick up this habit of exercising, and occasionally do it at home when I'm utter guilty for excess rubbish food.

Well done, new me.

2. Health freak
My old self enjoyed food, a bit too much. I still too enjoy food, but whenever I can, I will pack my own cook lunch to work. I'm quite amazed at my determination, although I'm not hardcore, only try to make it 3 times in a week. I'm in sales line, it's unavoidable to have client's lunch/ company lunch every week. But I still quite happy I'm continuing that. My old self will never imagine I could do something sooooo tideous and to be honest, it's not as delicious as outside food with tasty grease and MSG.

Well done again!

3. Open mind

A dear friend commented me many times. i'm super EGO.
I think I am, it's in my nature. I guess that's why since young my vibe telling others that, despite I claimed I'm super low key. Teachers always elected me as class rep, team lead, singing competition, story telling competition and etc. I guess that's the vibe I portrayed even from schooling time.

But this is me. I embrace it and try not to overdo it.
I always refuse to try anything new, something that I'm insecure or knowing that I might not do well.
But this year especially, I tried to have an open mind.

Learning guitar from Youtube although I'm still suck at it
Tried my first ever Marathon and it's ain't that bad.
Going to try more outdoor activities to see if I'm a outdoor person

Be open mind. Way to go girl!

I want to enjoy this year, my last 20s as much as I can. When I read this 5 years down the road, I know I will not be regretted at any decision I made.

I want to be happy, be free and be me.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

What do you want?

At this point of time, half way through my final 20s. What do I want?
I feel like I'm floating in these 20 odd years, my expectation is what others expecting me.

I was selected in singing competitions because others are expecting me to.
Story telling because what others think I can do it.
Class rep because... I look like one?
I'm a friend who what my friend think I should be, a daughter of what a mom think I'm should be, a niece, granddaughter of what I'm suppose to do.

Till now, I'm the person people expecting me to do, in career, in relationship.

But what do I want? Who do I want to follow? What do I believe? Where can I go further?
Is this the best of what I can do? Or I can excel further?

Do I want to be ambitious? Or it's just again, expectation?

Do I want to be good all the time? Or someone can excuse me for being naughty and nasty?

I like living up to someone's expectation, that pushes me to a better me. But sometimes I wonder, will my path be different, if I were to live a different way?

Do I LOVE myself?

Will you forgive me if I'm being honest?
Do I always have to give in?
I generally don't like hurtful feelings. Many times I would rather give in to avoid getting hurt, or hurting others.

But anyone care, what I really want? What I expecting others?
Can you listen to me?


Challenges in work and challenge accepted.
I would rather work on difficult and big projects than dealing with difficult people.
But I guess this was arranged for a reason. If I can go through this, I might be elevated emotionally, to someone better.


Guitar lessons from slow in progress.
I broke another string today and I have no idea how can I keep breaking the string so fast.
Guess it takes time, lots of time to practice.


Japan should be able to take off, I hope. Fingercross.
This year seems progressive and I'm happy about it :)

Thank god for laying so much adventures before me. I'm blessed with everything I have.