Sunday, May 22, 2016

What do you want?

At this point of time, half way through my final 20s. What do I want?
I feel like I'm floating in these 20 odd years, my expectation is what others expecting me.

I was selected in singing competitions because others are expecting me to.
Story telling because what others think I can do it.
Class rep because... I look like one?
I'm a friend who what my friend think I should be, a daughter of what a mom think I'm should be, a niece, granddaughter of what I'm suppose to do.

Till now, I'm the person people expecting me to do, in career, in relationship.

But what do I want? Who do I want to follow? What do I believe? Where can I go further?
Is this the best of what I can do? Or I can excel further?

Do I want to be ambitious? Or it's just again, expectation?

Do I want to be good all the time? Or someone can excuse me for being naughty and nasty?

I like living up to someone's expectation, that pushes me to a better me. But sometimes I wonder, will my path be different, if I were to live a different way?

Do I LOVE myself?

Will you forgive me if I'm being honest?
Do I always have to give in?
I generally don't like hurtful feelings. Many times I would rather give in to avoid getting hurt, or hurting others.

But anyone care, what I really want? What I expecting others?
Can you listen to me?


Challenges in work and challenge accepted.
I would rather work on difficult and big projects than dealing with difficult people.
But I guess this was arranged for a reason. If I can go through this, I might be elevated emotionally, to someone better.


Guitar lessons from slow in progress.
I broke another string today and I have no idea how can I keep breaking the string so fast.
Guess it takes time, lots of time to practice.


Japan should be able to take off, I hope. Fingercross.
This year seems progressive and I'm happy about it :)

Thank god for laying so much adventures before me. I'm blessed with everything I have.

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