Monday, March 16, 2009

The most chee siin online thingy!

This is my awful experience logging in black board.

6.05pm- Start logging in.

6.30pm-Madness. Cannot find any 'FORUM' at all!

7.20 pm-'FORUM' found, I can't find it because it just never show up (loading forever) on the left hand side.

7.49pm-Clicking in 'INTRODUCTION'. Loading and loading and hanged.

7.54pm- Finally I saw NAMES on the page. Clicking in the other page trying to find my name. Loading.

7.57pm- Still loading. Chatting with FW (Complaining actually ><)

7.58pm- Still....according to FW it's something to do with heavy rain justnow. Which I don't know why because there was no rain yesterday and I still can't log in. Or streamyx? Or whatever...==


8.06pm- Resresh. Loading stopped.

8.17pm- All over again. Great.

What kind of stupid server is this?
I heard that we have to post a introduction before today 12pm or else we are going to be barred BECAUSE WE DIDN'T POST AN INTRO.



4.05 pm- Trying to open the student page, failed.

7.00pm- Try again. Failed.

11.15pm- Try again. Failed.

11.20pm- Try on my brother's and my housemate's computer. Failed.

I believe that the heavy traffic of the server cannot accomodate so many students doing posting at the same time. So I think I just gonna do it the other day.

But the email freak us out.
The only thing i can do by that time is to call FW to help us out, since she is the one I know who have no problem with the intranet.

What kind of insanity is this?

I don't think is my network of anything to do with my bandwidth.

I opened facebook, no prob.
Even XiaXue's blog that usually took up more time to load also seems ok.
So what on earth happened to the intranet??????
Or blackboard just turned to white board?

Days become stressfull and shitty since LJMU thing starts.
Hate this kind of feeling .

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Glimpse of light.


Is there anything call post PMS? PPMS?

These days things get jumbled up.
Uncertainties, uneasiness, despair, nerves, confusion, and pretty much of dissapointment wandering around my mind.

What is the purpose of life?

What is the purpose of getting so much trouble in dealing with people just to lead myeslf to more trouble? More despair perhaps?

Why are there such foolish that can hurt others and make things more complicated, and yet know nothing about human's feeling at all?

Thinking of covering my friend's pet site, but not in this joyful mood at the moment.

Everything just grey...


Get back my empty phone, as empty as my mind when I saw the phone.

Years of memories, loads of happy and sad, tons of cares and tender.
All gone in a blink.
Tearing in silence, but nothing help, it's gone.

Getting back my phone doesn't make any good to make up my day, but it just got worst.

Cloudy day tonight.


It's an art to communicate with people, where I am always not good in this.
It's an highly sophisticated form of art.
Not to say to becoming noble.
We can never be.

Just the art of interact with people, knowing each other heart and cares for others deeply from the heart.

There are people who born with the charisma. Wherever they go they will have the spotlight of the crowd. People will wait for this kind of people to take the lead. Whenever this people say something, the rest will remain silent, adoringly listen to what he says.

There are people who like to be alone. Quiet and normal, never wants to have a taste of being everyone's sweetheart, but just enjoy the ordinary me. Nothing bad about this, at least they are happy with who they are, and just need not to being a follower, nor a leader.

There are people who wanted to be someone so hard. But this kind of people has no power to sway other people, will forever become a follower, supporter. Opinion just become mute from their mouth, no one is listening to your words. Ignorence is not on a purpose, but this fellow just born with this...something. Not being able to let other people hear your voice. Once in a while, when you yell out your words, and people just happen to stop talking and listening to your word, they have no idea how amazing you are! But after that things goes back the same, again.

Knowing how huge impact one's word can be.
It's like a sword, viperish, hurting the innocent one.
It might not be a conspiracy no.
But unintentional words, or action can mean so much to someone cares about you so much.
This is the first time I saw someone take this so seriously.

Maybe this is not the first time for me, I'm getting use to it actually. I can get comfortable within days.
But for someone who truly want to be your friend, get hurts, badly.


It's time for you to open up.
Forget the past.
Get use to it, and soon you'll understand the meaning of everything.
Life is a circle.
People come and go, time past, we learn.
Shitty things do happen sometimes, but no one can stop you for being who you are, and how lovely you will always be.
Let go for what winding your heart.
Look further, there's lots more blissful thing.
There will be something over the rainbow, just let the rain falls, and you're not alone.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Lucky unlucky

Not so good these few days.

I can get angry with things easily [or many things make me angry at once?] , and get tired easily ==

Go to hell PMS, you guys will never understand the annoyance of being a girl, especially when you have problem with your 'best friend' ==

After a long walk under the boiling hot sun, everything turns hot.

First is my phone showing me color.
Then is my brother showing me color.
And then everyone showing me color. I.Q Bal especially.

He make me damn potong stim don't feel like going to UK anymore.

When I get my phone I have so many problems, but i sorted it out one by one. And just when I feel like my phone is problem free, it gives me problem AGAIN!

For one moment, I told myself:" Am I suppose to change the god damn phone, since it shows me I'm not a Nokia user?"


No phone now since 2 days not use to it ==

Baby please come back to me!!

So not right these few days. Everything is messy, everything is not in order, everything is out of my expectation, everything makes me wanna scream and yell for no reason.

Talking to the only sibling who stay so close to me but never got an answer.

This is one thing I really furious about.
[I really don't know what am I writing now and I am very ( ) at the moment...]

People are funny . Even sometimes I am funny I know.

I just have to learn, learn how to take things easily.

Hopefully I can be Lindsay Lohan in Just My Luck, luckier than ever.

Uncertain about future, feels damn useless now.
I'm 21 (going to be 22), still not earning any bread for home.
Have a brother that more uncertain about future than me.
And he probably will change course, meaning my parents have to spend more money for his education. [not guarantee will have return on his investment]

Living in my 4m X4m small bird cage, messy and untidy.
Clueless about what to do in the future, what can I do in the future.
Wanting to hang out with friends everytime, looking for fun, irresponsible for my own life.
Taking money from parents every month, and my dad have to work even he already exceed his age of retirement.
Never done anything that make me proud of myself, or let my parents proud of me.
I can't promise that I can pay back for what my parents had pay for me, even though I receive more and better education than both of them.


I wanna have my own car by 24, my own house before 27, my career before 30, sending parents for Europe trip before 28, clear up my PTPTN loan before 28, have my first 5 digit FD in my bank before 26, pay back my parents at least 1k per month.

Unrealistic I know, but not unreachable.

First you have to put aside your dream, your interest, and you have to work like a donkey 24/7, hope for a promotion, work late for another 5 years, hope for another promotion, and save enough money to do investment. Live like anyone else in the city, dream about what you crave for in the past. Being a Normal boring and nerd white collar. And that's all.

Emo =.=