Tuesday, April 7, 2015

I want to feel Alive

It's hard to explain such feeling really, the slow death kind of feeling, the sun ray appear sometimes and sometimes not.

It's so hard, super hard, very effing hard not to care. Whenever I try to think, I will do the completely opposite thing. In my mind is, how long can I do this for you? Not long right. Will I regret if I didn't love you as hard as I can? Yes I will. So I love hard.

Surrounding seems like doesn't matter anymore, I try to matter them. Try to prioritize work, try to prioritize everything else. I am trying.

It's a habit of effing 7 years. To like what you like to do, love what you love to eat. Buy your treats although it's oversupply at home.It's sweet doing that, until then.

When I look into mirror I see someone who is extremely tired. Physically and mentally.
Not sure why, tired of trying? Tired of loving so hard? Tired of waiting?
I just grow older over weeks, I see wrinkles, I can't go out without make up.

Finally I reach this stage.

Will I be a better person? God?