Sunday, October 27, 2013


Themes of the week:


Love is painful, literally.

What does Oct 27 even mean? Full of fear and insecurity.
If I can ignore what happened back then? I can choose to ignore but they are like film roll playing in my mind, again and again. I want to ignore, seriously. God help me to erase them, distract my mind with wonderful happy feelings.

Mood, work, and every other things are not exactly well. So temporary just drowned by all these feelings. I will be fine.

It's just 'me' again.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Boiling point

As much as I'm trying to clam myself, trying to cheer myself up, this time I'm really can't get over the feelings.

The anger, the frustrations, the forever looping vicious cycle, the unfair, the desire to take a break.
The picture above basically sum up what I'm gonna do next.

It's so hard when you don't have a proper channel to let loose, of all the anger you have.
Luckily I still have my blog.

In this world I think only a few know what my feelings is, and understands it.
It's not easy to stay positive, when you have no colleague who can be with you. I'm always in this odd position, whereby there's only so much you can say to your friends, just because they are your 'client'.

Cant' spread negativity to your co-worker, can't spread to your friends, so it just burning inside.

It's so hard this time. I need power to keep me moving. May Lord stay with me, give me strength and power to move on.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Torn Apart

After a road trip during the weekend, I though my reset function is working just fine.
But I was wrong.

I can't get over being blamed for something not entirely my fault, and the inner anger is still burning.

It's just the beginning of every shit you can imagine.

Stop crying and suck it up.

Friday, October 18, 2013


Watched House yesterday and that episode, they finally got together.

They are the cutest character in the series. They act like kids, bully each other and play prank on each other like kids. Remember how you will do if you have secret crush on a fella during primary school?

You'll flip her skirt, punch him, mess up his homework, poke him from the back during class. Attention seeking it is.

This is how they do it exactly, except the 'adult' way.
He smashed her toilet bowl, hired PI to stalk on her.
She throw away his sticks, changed his drugs, steal his office.

But when problems come, they worry about each other, always keep an eye for each other.

There's a fine line there they wouldn't want to cross. They are afraid, if they go admit that feeling, bad things happen.

They won't be friends anymore, and they will not feel good about each other. They know they are 2 unfit puzzles, but they secretly loving each other. Always protecting each other, looking out one another.

They are afraid, adult first world problem.

The jerk know he'll always be a jerk. The lady know he will always be.

But they did it. In one life and death event, they did it.
It's happy, warm and full of laughter. No argument, only sweet smile and stupid jokes.

Then, before Cuddy left the house, House said, this is not going to work.
They messed up the fine line, hence everything crumble.

Can they go back to how they used to? I don't think so.
But stop loving each other? They can't.

The moment they say goodbye, they have fear, doubts and insecurity.  All the wrong feelings punching their tummy, rational telling them wrong, feelings messing everything up.
They know this is not the right thing to do. Love is not everything.

The potion of love, is not love alone.

There's always other things which come together in a package.

Responsibilities, insecurities, comfort, company, time, families, pet, even your god-damn bad habit come together.

Love is nothing, in compare to all these.

That's why many people are in love, not many made it to the last.

Sacrifices is the key. How much are you willing to?

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Pain in the ass

Fenn's farewell gift. Bye Fenn!

These few days, shit happened non stop.
Why can't some pain in the ass be removed?

Some people are just plain ass hole, with no responsible and consideration at all.
If you can't even be responsible for one minor thing, why bother to earn money? You don't deserve your pay grade.


Change place again. Now moved to a darker corner, with lots and lots of sweets in front of me.
I'm glad that I'm in the plan to be moved. But I hate ants crawling on it.


Unfinished stuff hits round and round. There's always new priority riding on top of another.


Just hold on for a while, and I will be in my dream country soon!