Thursday, August 18, 2016

Double Standards

I had an emotions outrage recently, involving a double standard treatment by a friend I keep close to heart.
Before everything else we spoke about this, of being deserted by friend and how bad it feels...
And I said, I will choose friendship over everything else, just don't walkaway.

And there you go, you did the same to me, applying double standard to me, whom I keep close to my heart.
Since it's so close, it hurt the most. I thought I will do everything for you, you will do the same too.
But no, far from there.

I wrote about loving myself on 22 July.
Today is 19 Aug, and I failed to love myself.

SELF REMINDER: I am who I am. I can only be the one I like, if I start loving myself.
I deserve to be loved and I deserve to be selfish for a while. I can be me, no one can help me to be me.

I love myself, and more each day.

Monday, August 8, 2016

Suicide Squad

Despite how bad the reviews are, how low the ratings for this movie, I still like this movie.
I can't deny that the character is too 'good' to be badass, especially Deadshot, but still, kudos to the DOP of the movie.

It's like, these people are living in a limbo.
A different dimension. A space where they have just themselves and no one else.
No social responsibilities, no fear of judgement, no need to please others, no standard of being normal.

Not normal is the standard.

Fearless, bold, daring. They living like a dead people, so you will not feel, will not fear, you just move on and counting days.

Feel the joy from ruins. Be wasted, be the bottom layer of the world and you will not fear to fall.

Be free in the limbo, no restrictions, no chain, no cage.

They don't live.  They are dead, living like a dead people.

It's not the plot or character or story I like about the movie. It's the mood and how the mood was set to be fun being the bad guy.


Enough of movies.

Say hello to my little girl :)

My world has turned upside down, literally ever since this fella came to my life.
I have literally no time for myself, and basically just adjusting my lifestyle to suit her.

She's Mochi. My healer.

I rescued her when I saw her hopping outside of my guard house in a raining night.
She's hopping because her back leg was injured.

She shivering when I found her, carry her to the car, without knowing what is coming for us.
It's not love at the first sight, not that romantic. I find her quite...ugly and very mongrel.

I always wanted a dog but I hold on to that idea because..I have no time. And I don't want to be burden by huge responsibility.

But she found me. She found me when I needed to be distracted the most.
She give me joy, keep me busy and warm my heart.

I was having quarter life crisis, aka not knowing what to do in life, feeling on the float constantly with a tinge of heartache constantly.

I lost interest in many things (but not to food), and I have very short attention spend.

With Mochi she keep me focused. She make me happy when I needed the most. She allow me to  love her because I just have too much feelings.

She is well mannered, well behaved, potty trained, obedient, very good energy, not too energetic.
Perfect dog for us.

It's a whole new journey for me. It's not easy because I have no experience.
its challenging because I stay in a townhouse.

It's hard when I have no one at home to look after her.

But I think it's fated for us to found her on that night, and her fate to be part of us to keep us happy and warm.

She's the most gentle dog I ever see.

Thank you god for listening to me.