Saturday, December 24, 2016

Running out of patience

Now that I grew older, one thing is running out in my bank other than money, is love and patience.
*just kidding*

Realizing I always do things for others but leave so little time for myself, I'm tired of people telling what to do.


My patience is running low.
When I always prioritize other's issue over mine, and constantly telling myself, nvm, do this first, I will do mine later. The later never came.

And I fat mang zang because at the end I realize I can't tell what I have done to settle my own issue.

To name a few.

1. I been wanting to get a massage since, AUGUST. This year is counting down to 2017, and I still didn't do it. OH, did I mentioned I PAID for the massage which I never go?

2. I wanted to go for check up and took a jab for vaccine. But NEVER did.

The list goes on.

Why am I fat mang zang? Because if I make plan someone will fat mang zang at me.

I know what my problem is. Poor time management, yes. Always prioritize others than myself, yes.
And I always turn on NOS gas and turbo during work, and I leave NOTHING back for myself. At home my brain is usually stare blank or thinking about bad shit.

I'm also getting lazy in my private life.

I do nothing extra to maintain or elevate my lifestyle.
I stopped buying flowers for a while.
I wanted to use essence oil for the house, the old one ran out and i'm still not replacing it.
I stopped cooking breakfast since I have a dog.
I wake up later and later, that's why I don't have time for brekkie.
I stopped going to the mall, compare to last time I need to go to the mall at least once a week.
I wanted to practice guitar, but it's demotivating.

I want to be a better version next year. Time for an upgrade!

Sunday, December 4, 2016


I'm usually blog with a title in my head, but today I nothing in my head so just f it... title is lame as shit.

Well, we finally had the trip we always wanted. A trip planned over beer, attendees agreed volunteered and half forcing, but it happened!

I've looked forward to it before my Japan trip.. ohya Japan, gonna write about it later.
2 days after my Osaka trip here I off to another retreat with my favorite people!

I guess compare with other friends we spend relatively more time with each other, at least we will meet 1 month once I guess?
All of them worked under one roof except me. I'm so grateful that I'm included into that friends circle.

It should be a talking, bullshitting, playing laughing trip. I thought there will be guitar there but there isn't, so jukebox from phone it is!

Now I'm back to reality, can't tell exactly what kind of feeling I carry back with me. It's mixed feelings.

At some point I felt warm, looking at those limited pictures we took, and glad it happened.
I felt happy too with so much laughter of crazy drunkard and bitches talk.
I felt one kind probably I had a random fight out of some random reason I don't even think is worth to talk about it.

But I guess I just kept my annoyance in here and in my brain, so little provoke is enough to make me blast.

But honestly, ever since the cat is out of the bag I felt so much brighter after connecting the dots.
I guess being left half hanging and too much guessing is not healthy.

What if you REALLY refuse to hang out anymore because of your important another half? I get it!
Do I look like a dumb bitch who can't understand priorities?

I accept the fact that things changed, so don't say nothing changed. Everything changed, you just fail to see it.

Everything aside, I feel really lifted when I know you're happy. I guess that's what friends are for, regardless how much toxic I kept inside but I'm still in the same team!

 I spend a 10-15 min talking to another joker about some shit I had recently, although I'm f-ing sure you won't remember when you awake but I do feel better. kamxia.

I guess there's really too much emotions to digest yesterday, I can't even get a few hours of good sleep.

I hope I can forget that face really fast, not many people yelled at me in my 29 years life. And I'm usually very forgiving and forgetful.

But those who did, unfortunately I remembered.


I really wished I was drunk too. So I don't need to feel shitty after the shit.


I'm an adaptive person. I just need time to adjust, but usually I get to adjust after some time.
Another month to go and I'm 30!

I promised myself to live my last 20s the best way I can, before I realize it's already December!

I keep mumbling =..=