BIG THREE-OHH!

I AM FINALLY THIRTEEEEE THIS YEAR!
I never knew this day will come so soon. Age is just a number, people said.
But to me this thirty it means SOMETHING. Some milestone or  achievement that I have reached.
That explains why am I so insecure last year, coz I don't think I've carve my milestone, and my 20s is up.

I shared an awesome birthday with people whom I love and will continue loving.

Bit first, one thing I wanna do to myself, is to love myself.
That's why I give myself half a day to truly indulge in the thing I like the most--FLOWERS.

Had a great session with the flower guru I like the most. At least this is what I like the most so far.
It's therapeutic, very useful, and nothing is more recharged than inhaling beauty.

I like this pic the most with my team. I feel like a team with the team while I have a team XD

 And there it goes. Flowers marathon! My mom sent me flowers, and that never happened!
I'm so touched that my mom and dad sent me flowers.

 And since I like flowers, they gave me a flower cake. My TXM.

 And then I had the bestest awesomest freakish amazing card EVER. It brought tears to my eyes and it still do now.

 Bf made a A+ effort too! He's 0 in creativity but he is practical, and he feeds me. That's good enough :)

These are the brother and sisters I never had.

 I laughed...so ...hard.
And it warms my heart all the way to the core.

Am I the luckiest girl in the world~

Missing home

It's been 2 months or so since I last went home. My mom is quite busy, that's why usually this 3 months of the year I don't go home.

Talked a lot today, like a verbal diarrhea kind of talk.

That 2 hours of comfort, no chest pain, not feeling suffocated, it's good.
I've been having great stress recently, at least that's what I thought. And my body is reacting towards my stress. Emotionally i'm ok, not feeling paranoia or any negative. But my body raise alarm to show me how much stress I'm facing.

Talked so much today that we dissect why am I feeling such a way.
One thing. INSECURITY.

Insecure about job, about future, friend is leaving to another job, about not having someone who I can talk to, insecure about having to change the way it is now, insecure about how small I am actually vs. how confident I am to myself.

It'll go away soon. I just don't like the pain on my chest and having difficulty to breath.

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I can't remember the last time I had such verbal diarrhea on a weekday. It's extremely therapeutic and at this point of time, highly necessary.

When I told my friends, I always talk to myself, having conversation to myself. They think I'm something wrong.
In fact I just picture someone in my mind, and I keep talking to that someone. It's clams my uneasiness, as if someone agrees with me.

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I'm 29.9999 now, turning 30 in 2 days time.
I'm proud of who I am today, and I'm grateful for not having too many regrets in life. I did most of the things I want to do, some turn out good, some turn out bad.
But add up all the equation, I think what left are still in green.
I'm blessed, thank you life.

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My anxiety towards stepping into 30 somehow vanished beginning of the year. I became so horrifying because I think I wasted too much time over nothing. Last year I live my life, I do what I want to do, at least i try, and trying to fulfill my responsibility to myself, to love myself.
I think it helps to clams my nerve, to give myself a break for trying something new.

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What's next?