It's been 2 months or so since I last went home. My mom is quite busy, that's why usually this 3 months of the year I don't go home.
Talked a lot today, like a verbal diarrhea kind of talk.
That 2 hours of comfort, no chest pain, not feeling suffocated, it's good.
I've been having great stress recently, at least that's what I thought. And my body is reacting towards my stress. Emotionally i'm ok, not feeling paranoia or any negative. But my body raise alarm to show me how much stress I'm facing.
Talked so much today that we dissect why am I feeling such a way.
One thing. INSECURITY.
Insecure about job, about future, friend is leaving to another job, about not having someone who I can talk to, insecure about having to change the way it is now, insecure about how small I am actually vs. how confident I am to myself.
It'll go away soon. I just don't like the pain on my chest and having difficulty to breath.
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I can't remember the last time I had such verbal diarrhea on a weekday. It's extremely therapeutic and at this point of time, highly necessary.
When I told my friends, I always talk to myself, having conversation to myself. They think I'm something wrong.
In fact I just picture someone in my mind, and I keep talking to that someone. It's clams my uneasiness, as if someone agrees with me.
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I'm 29.9999 now, turning 30 in 2 days time.
I'm proud of who I am today, and I'm grateful for not having too many regrets in life. I did most of the things I want to do, some turn out good, some turn out bad.
But add up all the equation, I think what left are still in green.
I'm blessed, thank you life.
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My anxiety towards stepping into 30 somehow vanished beginning of the year. I became so horrifying because I think I wasted too much time over nothing. Last year I live my life, I do what I want to do, at least i try, and trying to fulfill my responsibility to myself, to love myself.
I think it helps to clams my nerve, to give myself a break for trying something new.
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What's next?
1 comment:
ur problem is also many ppl's problem.
just now i also thought, at the end of the day, we will go into the casket.
im bk for 6 months, keep on searching what I want to go.
the career i want to go in (stock dealer), i asked many ppl who are inside this field, 8 out of 10, give me negative comments, 1 is neutral and 1 is positive.
nothing is easy nowadays, i have met many ppl, gone through many interview, those who on the top, are those who work hard, passionate and never give up on their will.
i think i will go to the career im want to go.
you too, add oil. you are not alone. : )
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