When life throw you lemon.

When life throw you lemon, make a fucking lemonade?

If you are close to me, probably you know the agony and frustrations I suffered in the past one year.
It's been one year I'm diving myself into a new industry, and I think I did ok. Not good, not really bad, but just OK.

In this past one year I reflect a lot. I didn't do well is it because of..ME?
Yes, I thin partially yes. But this version of me reminded myself the secondary school me.

Girls around me are exceptional. my best friend is miss popular, everyone love her, academically sound, and she can do anything she want.

I studied in science stream in a girl school, the school is one of the top school in town. Like any other good school, peer pressure is enormous.
I channel my energy to orchestra. I did ok in Yang Qin, I think I'm the best player in my team, but I never make it to have my solo performance.

My teacher commented me before, that my heart is not peaceful, my music represents me, they are with anger. I guessed he's right.

I remembered I felt so small everyday. Morning before class, I like to go to the field and watch the sun rise. I inhale the morning breeze as much as I can, and tell myself not to fuck up today.
And I live another day by.

I have friends who believe in me, I have music to fill my head. I have loving family who supported me no matter what I do. But I feel small. I feel not good enough. I have no confident.

This feeling continued till 3rd year college. The first two years was quite shitty. And on my 3rd year I realize, the problem is NOT ME.

I have been surrounded by parasite, I can never be myself.

From then onward I grow that confidence little by little, bit by bit.

Every time I met someone who believed in me, I felt stronger, I felt I can do anything.

You invest some confidence and trust in me, and I can work magic. Always the case.

That's what I been through in the past one year. Feeling little.


----


Now life throw me a lemon, and I will make some lemon jam and enjoy my toast.

I will embark into a new life and hopefully, I can be stronger, I can be that ME whom I like. Whom I see confidence bursting from my own eyes.

I will disregards the negativity surrounded me, and I will leave those cancerous people and things behind. I will start all over around and and I will be great.


----

Another best friend of mine is getting married. I just gonna jot down here to reminisce in the future.

I remembered we spoke about the future, and he always think he will end up alone because the one don't exist. And I always believe in the right timing with the right girl. And hell yeah I'm right.

Seeing him a changed man, it is almost unbelievable. I guess that's what love is, will move mountains and change you without noticed.

Love wins :)

Reminiscing-Love is painful

Did you ever listen to a song that draws back your memories, and it strike like a bloody rock to your head?

Music play a big part in my life, at least it used to. When I put on my headphone, I feel like I have the world. The time move slower, I'm the master of my life, there's no more nuisance just...pure joy/ sadness.

Those who are important to me, I usually have a song for you. It doesn't necessary make sense with the music match, but when I listen to THIS song, This is YOUR song in my head.

I've been on repeat (a lot) for a few songs all the time. Let see if I can do a top 10 list.

1. John Mayer- Slow Dancing in a Burning Room
2. John Mayer- Heartache Warfare
3. GD- Without you
4. M-FLO- Let go
5. M-flo- One day
6. One ok Rock- The Beginning
7. Pink- Try
8. Def Tech- Inori
9. Lana Del Ray- Lust for life
10. Handsome Ghost- Lion


I think there's more than these but right now these are in my head.

Now I know why people commented on my song choices, actually they are all quite emo.

That's why I stop listening to Chinese songs so frequent, when I understand the lyrics I tend to cry easily when I listen to it.

More than once when I'm driving in the car, I listen to that ONE song that hits me, and I'll just start to tear. (language doesn't matter)

Isn't all artist are amazing, you create something that can foundation a memory on top, and it never die.

I want to create something like this too.

2019 WEE-WANG-WANG

Can't believe it's 2019 already. 2018 seems like just yesterday, and it's over now.

2018 is interesting.

I have some major changes in one year.

I start off the year as a 31 year old aunty.

Did great in my ex company, and I changed job.

Started another path in an automotive related company and sinking in the industry. Learning about engine and car models. I thought it's gonna be boring but actually, quite interesting.

But do I love car now? NO.

I changed my status from single to MARRIED.

Yes, I'm married on Oct 27 2018. Our 10 years anniversary. 

We did almost everything the way we want, and it's perfect. It's casual, carefree, no ceremony, good music with friends and family.

I'm blessed.

----------------

Now, 2019.

Starting this year with some small resolution

1. BE MORE ACTIVE

I've been slacking after the wedding, not as strict on diet and exercise as I used to. Partly blame the year end- Christmas- gathering- friends open house etc.

2. SMILE MORE

I know I look quite a bitch when I'm not smiling. And since age is kicking in, I think I need to look a bit gentle little smile on my face.

3. SAVE MORE

With a new job now, I'm not sure if I'm living more comfortable, but definitely need to save more.

There are some miscalculation on my investment, monthly commitment seems quite high now.

4. SPEND LESS

Same as above, I hope I can be a bit more minimalist. My wardrobe definitely not minimal. AT .ALL.

5. LEARN FAST

New job, new superior, new culture. I need to learn fast.

My new boss is a smart person, and I have a lot to catch up

6. FINISH AT LEAST ONE BOOK

I'm obsessed with Simon Sinek recently, partly because I was quite lost playing the leader role.

I aimed to finish at least one of his book this quarter.

7. TRAVEL

At least one time plsss.

That's all, let's review this again in 3 months time :)

Adios.