Thursday, December 31, 2009

Last day of 2009

I have lots and lots of topic to write actually, but I realize I don't want to stare at computer screen after I started working, coz this is what I've been doing in my work.

Talking about the last day, I don't feel it at all. It's not an end, not a beginning...just bland.

This year is definitely an unusual year for me.

I'm not single anymore this year, gain a soul mate, but subconsciously I lost something I probably don't even know what is that.

I went to Liverpool, it's like a dream for me. Missing the place? Of course HELL ya! But what can I do? I'm lucky enough to get to go there, it's like a dream come true. I'm glad enough, and I think it's's colorful and fruitful enough.

I graduated...with a not so happy result. It'll remain as a spot in my life forever. I know the fact that result is not everything. But hey, will you don't feel a thing after you spent 30k to thousands miles away to study, and yet getting a fucked up result? I felt the pain.

Found a job, the job I like the most. I guess I'm lucky enough to read some interview tips the day before I interview... Now starting the new life in this company, trying to mix around with the people around. Luckily, few of them is actually taking good care of me, and I'm glad with that. Hopefully next year will be a better year.

Kinda heavy hearted today, don't know why. Perhaps I talked to someone about things I don't want to mention. Hopefully today will be a good night.

Going to steamboat with friends later, I miss the old days certainly.
I miss you all...miss the day we don't need to wake up at 6, miss the vanity of happiness.

Tonight's gonna be a good night!

Bye 2009!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Realistic vs Idealistic

Most of us are officially become a grown man, stepping out from mummy's and daddy's protection, going out to this sickening society waiting to be burn out and pollute.

Okay, sounds very negative...

but my point is, most of us is going for a job, or...looking for a job.
For those who are not looking for a job either has ended their student life, so no more student you're enjoying the year end holiday like we used to during after form 5.
But feel sad at the same time for being too free, and looking at people wrote on FB saying they miss Liverpool so badly, you know there's no turning back.

I have been to several interviews...answering their questions make me think of the changes occurred to myself during my college time.

Once an interviewer asked me: 'why you choose to study broadcast, but you don't choose to pursue in this industry?'
Few others interviewer asked me the same question:' Why broadcast ? Why mass comm?'


I gave them my reasons, but to sum up my reasons, because I used to be Idealistic, but now I'm realistic.

So let see wat's the differences of Idealistic and Realistic...


Idealistic: the 'future' in mind is within 5 years time.
Realistic: the 'future' in mind is up to 70 years old.

Idealistic: most important is happiness.
Realistic: most important is happiness, and the happiness of the others.

Idealistic: can make a decision in less than a minute. The factor is 'like/dislike'.
Realistic: take ages to make a decision, depends on the importance of the issue. eg: What to eat for lunch? (factor: calories, budget, after lunch feel sleepy, distance to grab the lunch, weather, hungry or very hungry, ahh....half an hour of lunch time gone.)

Idealistic: can always ask for pocket money in super thick face.
Realistic: seldom ask for pocket money unless mummy really forgotten to give.

Idealistic: see anything in RM XX.99 will think it's cheap.
Realistic: see any price tag in RM XX.99 will automatic round up the numbers plus tax and service charges and god knows whatever hidden charges.

Idealistic: always see myself still young, study life is still a long way to go.
Realistic: started to think about how much family have spent on my studies, how much longer I able to pay back the debt.

Idealistic: do part time job for fun.
Realistic: do part time job for $$.

Idealistic: study fashion trend and craving for branded stuff, the aim for future is to carry a LV bag.
Realistic: study fashion trend and craving for branded stuff as well, but notice the identity and standard of one is the factors which determined whether the LV is a fake one or a ori one.

Idealistic: chase after some boy band and buy whatever with their image on.
Realistic: download their songs from Internet will do.

Idealistic: full of imagination and creativity.
Realistic: rusty imagination, zero creativity.

Idealistic: Come'on! who wants to think about tax, credit card, insurance and EPF?
Realistic: payer is painful, plus insurance and EPF???

Idealistic: can spend whichever I like, as long as there's still 5 ringgit notes in my purse. (or coins)
Realistic: Less than RM 50 is very insecure.

Idealistic: dreaming to become a backpacker and travel around the world.
Realistic: dreaming to become a backpacker but can just remains as dream. Family to feed and debts to pay are more important.

Idealistic: Savings is to buy the latest mp3/camera/handphone/designer bag/celebrate Christmas/CD...
Realistic: Savings is to invest.

Idealistic: Where you see yourself in 5 years time? Answer: Dunno wor...
Realistic: Where you see yourself in 5 years time? Answer: (Model answer) I see myself achieving at least 3 steps of my career ladder. know what I mean?

Quite sad actually to see myself transform into this kind of person, and I might become like this or worst for the rest of my life.
All these are not FACTS, but just a comparison according to my transformation in these years in college.

A new start tomorrow, hopefully it'll be a good start and hopefully SUN SUN LI LI...

please let me fall in love with buses and LRT as well...(!%$&##!@#!!!)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009






每次想解释,想说明白,到头来只是放声大哭。 连我自己都讨厌这样的自己,别人哪里会不讨厌呢?



Wednesday, November 18, 2009


I guess I've abandon my blog like...forever?
So before it rots better for me to update at least one post.
I don't know why am I so lazy to update, but I guess is because of my lifeless life.
After awake from my UK dream, everyone seems to have their own life, their own things to do.
No more alwayssticktogether thing as a gang.
Some are busy courting girls, some are busy hanging out with their another half, some are looking for jobs...

I guess I was busy 'waiting' for a job.
I don't really know what to do and what to expect for a job at first...
I'm seriously not intended to go into production, although I love it, but for long term wise, Production work can't feed myself and my family.
I see how my friends being exploited by some big glamorous regional media company, and I realise how bad this industry treats us the freshies.
I understand that they feel lucky and happy being able to work in those well known company, and able to learn things at the same time.
I never worked as a production member before, so I guess I have no right to comment on that.
But what I can tell is production work is so far away from what I imagine my future would be.

For more than a month I've been job hunting, I roughly have an idea what I want as my career.
To put it in short...'5 DAYS A WEEK AND PAYS WELL'
Which is bull shit because everyone wants that kind of job...
OK, so put it this way...'5 DAYS A WEEK AND PAYS WELL PLUS IS MEDIA RELATED' sounds better now.

I admit that I kinda phobia with workaholic life style...
Seeing my friend dedicate her life to a company, handle pressures and being back stabbed by others is not a good thing.
But I guess working for something I really passionate ain't a bad thing....perhaps.

The first job I interview is Nuffnang.
Oh Nuffnang Oh Nuffnang!!!
I've been reading the founder's blog like...for a year?
I really admire his capability and the creativity of the company.
But one thing I really regret is this is my FIRST interview, which I screwed up quite badly.
I was nervous, pretended to be calm....I say something silly...and I sounds like a blog reader fan meeting the blogger rather than an interviewee...which is BAD BAD BAD.

The second interview is totally a disaster.
Like every other freshies out there, I am prepared for the interview.
Dress up like a corporate lady, walk straight, survey about the company, print out map in case I get lost, went to the company 2 hours earlier to avoid jam....
That morning I feel awful and I even stopped at one of the LRT station to vomit, but all I can vomit is just some liquid...
With my shaking leg and strenghtless body, I get into a cab and go for the place.
I paid freaggin RM 14 for the cab if I'm not mistaken...and the distance is only less than 5 minutes!
Well, if I get to find a good job, I don't mind paying that.
So after I went in, I filled up some forms, and there this lady who looks like some director or manager to interview me.
The first question strikes me :'now, show me your portfolio.'
I'm like...'HUH?'
ps: btw, it's an event management company.

'What portfolio?' (she wouldn't be interested in what drama or ads i shoot before rite)
'What event you did in the past?'

She is obviously never notice I'm a fresh grads.
From the way she ask me questions, I can feel that she has a very strong personality, and should be a mad career lady.
She didn't ask me many questions, but just all sorts of hardship and problems to deal with when I'm in the position.
'Do you think you can handle the stress? Work for long hours? In a very tough environment? Handling all sorts of details?' ( In a very pushy way, without a single smile on her face)
'I think maybe yes..." (how the hell I would know I never work before leh!)
'I don't want to waste your time and my time, I don't want maybe, give me a YES OR NO.'

the conclusion of the interview is....She is not looking for an employee, she's looking for a trainee...a really cheap trainee (She offers me 1.3k with immediate start, start working on that day itself! She said that 1.3k is really a lot, she get application for degree student for 1k salary.) to do all the work for her.
Well..typical cina beng company.
But hey!!! with your 'generous' would I able to survive in PJ!!!! I think my pay is probably lesser than a promoter lo =.=

After this interview...I get totally defeated.
Is this how much I worth?
Worked so hard to get a degree, this is how much I worth?

I'm not picky in choosing job, but at least the job at least have to enable me to feed myself and some savings..most importantly is to pay my loans.
JT keep saying I'm picky in job...but what I don't want is being exploited when you know you worth more than this.
Another reason is I don't want production work, which I explained earlier.

The following week, whole week I get no call for interview, in stead I followed JT to all of his interviews.
I normally can gao dimed my interview in less than 20 minutes, the most 30 minutes...but JT's interview all longer than an hour!
And I think he is probably very sincere in the interview, the interviewer tend to explains everything to him, which I think is a good thing, rather than some who just want to hire a 1.3k cheap labour.
And good for him, he got a not bad offer, and I thinks this is a very potential field, the MOST important thing is...the company shows sincerity in hiring him, not to bully freshies.

That week I really felt the pressures...
I send resume like mad and log in to most of the career websites.
Even one of my interviewee said she received 3 of my resume ! LOL.
The next week has been interview madness...up to today, I went for 5 interviews, and 3 more lining up until next Monday.

The weather is really cold these days...I feel like falling sick anytime.
Maybe that's the reason I felt so tired to attend to interview.

JT working as freelance before his work, so no more driver for me.
Waiting like a SH in KLCC Isetan office today really doze me off....
but this is interview...what to do?
If I could I would just walk off and say F you! I'll get a better offer than you!
But a beggar ain't a chooser rite?

Tomorrow I got a 2nd interview from a company that I really like.
It's a online ads company, less bitchiness than other ads firm i think.
Hopefully I can get a confirmation this week *finger crossed* and I can stop interviewing.

Please....don't fall sick =.=

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

A new page

I have a mix feeling now. Read Mun Yi's and Szetoo's blog...totally different mood.
Szetoo is so happy and satisfy with her life with her guardian angel, the sparks from her face can't hide the joy she's enjoying. She have everything a girl wanted for life; a soul mate, career, love, family...
I'm so glad she can be what she is today, she totally deserve a life like this. I feel so good for her :)
Somehow she is motivating me to get a life like this! What else can be better when you love your job, not tiring doing it everyday, and the most important thing is working hard with the person that you won't tired of seeing for the rest of your life!
This is what I can do by not blogging with my own computer...curi from FB. Courtesy of wx.

Mun Yi has been moody for weeks. She's a cute girl whom I always adore her. She used to be so cheerful, so happy and energetic. Reading her blog is totally different mood from who she used to be. Family problems and jobs problems bothering her I guess. Didn't know much about the details, but I really hope her problem can be solved and be happy again. She is such a sweet girl, doesn't deserve to go through all these pain. I probably won't understand how much pain she gone through, and I'm not going to say 'I know...', because only she knows. We were trying to support her, trying to cheer her up, but just don't know how.
Again, curi from FB. This is how lazy I am.

I think all of us have moody days, one of those days that you don't feel like talking or seeing anyone. The mood just worsen by digging a hole and bury yourself in sadness. The most recent time i felt like this was the time i get my LJMU result, sucks. Every time anyone mentioned about this I'll just feel like run away or just bang myself hard on the wall.
But hey...I can't do anything to make things up, regret is the only thing I can do to compensate myself, and perhaps earn more $$ in the future to pay my parents back.
But my problem is NOTHING compare to Mun Yi. She is ok to be sad, emotions and feelings needed to let go, or else like what I said, bury yourself in your own sadness doesn't do any good.
Cheer up Mun Yi! I know it's hard...and I don't even know 'how' hard it is, but we are here to support you. Do whatever you feel right, and don't give up on life! You were one of the most passionate person I ever met, don't let this spirit die!

I went to interview this afternoon. Didn't think of sending resume and interviewing so soon. But this is a job that I really want, perhaps I adore the energy and spirit of a young company has. I met the founder of the company, I think he's 24 years old. A very young but charismatic person. Though I might not get the job, but I glad I tried.

Working for bread is not easy, I guess for us nothing can beat loving what you doing. But sadly most of the people is doing what they needed to, and wait for payroll at the end of month. But well, this is a realistic society, it's ok if the figure on the cheque can pay all the bills and still able to afford a sushi fest once in a while...I mean, sushi in supermarket, you know...half price Isetan sushi =.=

I want to make a million!!!

I'm so looking forward to next Tuesday yay!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Birthday 2009!

I'm 22 now, officially.
In bad mood now, moment ago was is like being stepped under some cow dung or something.

Anyway, I get the chance to upload better I be responsible for myself.


8/10, 7/10 & 7/10

Pink color...


this is funny...

Year 2009!








Jersey, best of all!

Well...that's all at the moment.
Still feel like shit.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


It's mah birthday today!!! Wheee!!! I mean...yesterday!!
Was celebrating with 'almost' all the broadcast gang, and new friends this year!
I thought of my previous birthday today, it was a ROCKS too, but I don't have such a huge gang previous year.
This year I 'm happy! With different people, different friends, and most important, a person who love me and willing to gather all these people for me!

This year other than BC gang, there are few very very nice PR gals joining the crowd, they are very lovely. JT also brough his best buddies to the dinner, glad to know them, although I might bored them =.=
CNX gang is lesser this year, only Tian Xin and Vincent came, but I'm glad they came, because it means so much to me. Birthday will never be the same without best friends:)

I miss these people so much...everyone of them. Most of us didn't meet each other after europe trip, or after the summer programme thingy ends. Fang Jing and Yoke Man even kissed me!
I'm so glad to see them all, glad that they willing to celebrate birthday with me.

Pai Wah gang and KK, Derique, Sook Teng, JT and me went to my favourite activity--Sing Kay!!
It's so fun!!! it's been 4 months I never been to sing Kay! I miss the mic so much...i realise I am getting worst in singging =.=

After Pizza session, we went to snooker. I'm not a 'ball' person, I just watch the guys play. Sorry Vincent, drag you here :P
After that the guys continue with online game, me, Jing, Man, Ash and Janet went to mamak lepak. they are such a funny people!

This year I receive quite a lot of presents, from all of them.
First of all the cake is lovely, and so does all the presents :)
the most creative one should be the Raisin...Sun Maid Raisin babeh!
I was like.....burst into laugh when I see that.!
Those cards I get are very funny!Hilarious! I love mah friends!

I just read Mun Yi's blog, I really glad that she's came. Too bad Szetoo didn't make it..i miss her too ;(
Mun Yi was quite upset with her siblings. Who said a smart and happy girl can't be emo sometimes? But Mun yi you know, siblings is mean to be more direct in showing feelings. They are person who grow up with you, that's why we wouldn't afraid to show them our real faces. This is what friends can't do, that's why they are irreplaceable. Friends can fake a smile and say she's ok, eventhough she's having trouble or problems. It might not be a bad thing, but there is a litttle bit distance between siblings and friends. I believe your brother and sister are just having one of those days...moody, don't feel like talking, feel like escaping, hate to sit at know...teenagers?
Don't worry, everyting gonna be fine, and I believe you will do great in your work, as well as the relationship with friends and families.

Last few days I was thinking to write a proper blog to Mun Yi...but I was upset because of my result, that's why I didn't wrote it. But what I want Mun Yi to know is she's a very special one to me and JT. I am not a person who use to ask help from people, academically especially. I always need to be independence in study, that's why I seldom ask people for help in my studies, and that's the reason why I always get an average result in class.
But Mun Yi is the first person I really ask for advice and we help each other in discussing and checking. I still feel hesitate to ask you for help even after some times, but when you ask for my opinion, I know I don't need to be hesitate :)
I heard from JT how good you are to me, million thanks to you.
Please don't say you're selfish again, you are not. From what I know you are not the definition of selfish! Really appreciate your selfishless help all these while (although I screw up my course works and my marks), I disappoint myself and you...feel so helpless in this. But anyway...I can't do anything with this, just accept it and hopefully i can improve myself.
I need to learn to be more careful in work and better observationskill...perhaps driving skill too!

Thanks everyone for celebrating with me! *bow*

Thanks Liew Jia Teng wo de dear who arrange this for me and the present! :) *hugs & kisses*

ps:Picture will be updating soon! I think I just hate to upload...

Sunday, October 4, 2009

I gotta feeling.

5.30 am this morning, I was awaked by a phone call. Liverpool lost, mood...hmm.
I gotta feeling, I'm not going to get through this.
Ah, great timing, 5th of October, 2 days before my birthday.
My mom talked to me last nite, las year around these days I was preparing for my own birthday, searching for restaurants, inviting people, ordering food and negotiating the price...
I remmeber how happy I was with my 21th...eventhough I wasn't the popular girl back then.
But since come back from Liverpool, I feel nothing but just uncertain.
Bored, yes...but uncertain.
I know I got to do something but dunno what the thing is.
Not in the 'birthday' mood.

I had a cake last nite with my families, with other 2 Octoberies in my family.
Feel nothing...nothing like previous years.

Great, worst now.

ps: I thought of want to write a 'proper' blog today, since I babysitting again in my aunt's house. mood.

*update* predicted, I failed. Failed in the sense of failing my hope on myself, failing my hard work, tears and sleepless night, failing the hope my parents put upon me, failed their effort to bring me to UK. Ulterly dissapointed.

I recognise myself as a whole new person, a loser.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Student no more.

I've been back to Ipoh for 4 days, yesterday night only I unpack everything in my luggage, and cause a huge mess to me room.

The reason I don't want to unpack is I really don't know where to put those things!

I know I'll be back to KL, many things I need to bring back KL, then why should I unpack?

Secondly, I don't know where to keep for my notes, my exam paper, my pencil case, my stationary...because I don't need them no more!

Finally, I not a student anymore, after being one for 15 years...or more.

Another thing I realise after I back to Ipoh...I definitely miss my room in Atlantic Point, Naylor Street, L3 6LS, Liverpool, England =.=

I realise how big my room is, how comfy my blanket was, and how nice the weather in Liverpool.

I literally sweat everyday, from the moment I wake up...

I need to do housework I know..but the weather just drive me crazy, I just want to lie down on the marble floor, and melts.

I can't find a place for all my stuff....and I started to miss my room's cupboard.

I am lucky enough to get a bigger room, which means I have more cupboard and more space.

Back in Ipoh I realise my room is still filled with my secondary school stuff, my diploma stuff..not enough space to store my thick jacket, scarf and jumper that I can hardly wear in Malaysia.

I miss my friends.


I met few of them few days back.

They've changed.

Well, I understand the change, just that I not ready to accept.

We had great time together before, siple happiness.

The place that I had very happy moment before is not like the way it should be.

It turned cold, do the people.
These are unavoidable isn't it!

I miss Liverpool, now I realise assignment stress is not that big deal anymore..stress finding job, paying bils, earning bread for home is even stresser.

Right now I just want to enjoy my time as a jobless, and persue my career.
Good bye ols days.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

14 hours flight, 7 hours transit, 1 day above 5000 feets.

Again, killing time in Abu Dhabi air port, makaned super expensive dinner/breakfast, trying times and times to connect the stupid wireless connection.
Feeling closer to home already, seeing Malay and Indian here, different people from Europe.
Ah...I'm close to home.
Everything happened in UK is beautful, including the last backpack experience.
It's frust, tiring, but very exciting and we are happy :)
We walk most of the time, exploring the tube in London, trying to inhale as much fresh air as we can in Edinburgh, sitting at the Starbucks watching people...all these has been a great experience.
Everything happened in EU is very unrealistic now, the moment I board on the plane I can clearly remember the day I depart to UK from KLIA, time flies.

I saw friends leaving me msg in facebook...everyone is experiencing this, UK seems like a long beautiful dream we had, and now is time to wake up.

In 10 hours time I'll be in my homeland, another 3 hours bus ride to my hometown.
Here I come! My home.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

In Edinburgh

A quick post from Scotland, Edinburgh.
We are here, killing time in Starbucks near our hostel. in around 24 hours time we will be in our motherland, 35 C with nasi lemak and bak kut teh.

I miss Malaysia indeed, but I will miss here too.
Been in a tired trip to Europe, tiring but fun, get to see foreign countries, try their local food...
But after all, I enjoy UK more than europe.
Edinburgh is the best place so far in the trip.
The skies are blue, it's windy but with many warm smilling faces.

Europe is nice, but not too nice without much euroes in pockets.
The journey is rushing, but it's open opening.
It'll certianly be the unforgettable experience in my life.

Gonna back to reality soon, this 4 months has been like a dream for me.
I can still remember clearly how excited we were in the airport boarding the plane, and now, I'm going back to the country I belong, to the home where the person who love me most waiting for me to come home.

I miss home, miss my friends, miss my dearly families...
But I'll miss UK, the place where I spend the most incredible 3 months time.
Bye UK, Bye Scotland...Hello Nasi Lemak!

Friday, September 4, 2009

A new journey

Here I am, spending the last few hours in Liverpool, probably the last time of my life in Liverpool.
Since young Europe country had been a dream for me, it's unreachable, it's magical.
Liverpool is truly a nice city, giving us magical experience and memories.
I sincerely thank my parents who willing to give me this chance from the bottom of my heart.
I feel bad because I travel to Europe countires before they do, but I know is because they love me :)
This probably gonna be a my best summer ever. The weather is awesome, the place is magnificent, the people is nice, my room is huge!
I got a bigger room than the one in Malaysia omg..
I'm going to start my journey to Europe tonight, and HOPEFULLY I'll have a great experience.
My status now is 'jobless', not 'student' anyone who like to hire me pls let me know, I'm good !

Friends are aparting, from now on we're independent adult, we need to be responsible to ourself.
Transforming to this stage is so unreal to me, the moment I still stress because of homework and future, the next moment I'm not entitle to be a student anymore.
A whole lot more future waiting for us, and it's gonna be a tough one.
Seeing friend who getting their career in their early 20s, getting success in life is so unbelivable.
I still aimless in life, but certainly going to pay back my parents.

Good bye...I say to Liverpool, LJMU, my student life, my lovely lecturers, my memories here.
Hello...I say to my future, challenges, my family and Malaysia.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Birthday post for birthday boy

Was wanted to celebrate with the boy at the Pump house, but we met with Alan today at the library, and we head to coffee together in Pret a Manger after submitting assignment.

The liverpool boy

It's always been a pleasure to talk with Alan, he gave us many advice, talking about his experience, and tell us how good iqbal is :) [ya'll know...he's so kind]

Coffee is good, good company is even better.

We end up have a quick lunch at Wilkin (not sure whether is this the correct name)
It's a chilly day, strong wind, my umbrella probably gonna die soon, but this is his first Birthday in UK, I really do hope he enjoy it.

I'm not good in writing birthday wishes, but still wishes you Happy Birthday.

The game host

I hope last night surprise party [not so suprise i know] is memorable for you,



I hope you enjoy kissing so many girls and guys last nite :)
I wish you like what I done for you, although not much but I hope I make up your day,

3G ing



I hope you feel the bless from friends, all the kawan sayangs you so much,
wishing you all your wishes come true, happiness and blessing shower your life.


Be good ya, please take care of yourself, stop falling sick, always happy and always sayang me! [sounds like a nagging mother again]

*Not fair lo I want my Birthday in UK also!!!!!*


Happy Birthday my dear :)

Thursday, August 20, 2009


I'm totally turned off now, nothing in my brain just blank, don't feel like do anything at all, but I know I must.
End up here updating blog, what's the different? ><

show me the way...pls




I need you






Iam 16, going on 17...


top of the eye






Thanks for the hospotality in Sheffield! :)

Monday, August 3, 2009

Randomness Blues.

What does you see from your eyes?


I see a softer world with my shades on.




They see a happy world, by closing eyes when needed, talk with a heart open.



'Walk on....walk on...' they said.




I saw a statue thinking deep.
He said, I don't want to be a statue.
It's not so good after all, birds shit on your head.




The color is vivid.
I see vivid colors when the sun is bright.



Time flies, It's been 2 tiring months.
Gained much, losed much.
But this is life!
We are gowring, keep on walking pal!




No way back, he said.
It's only that much you left.