I gotta feeling.

5.30 am this morning, I was awaked by a phone call. Liverpool lost, mood...hmm.
I gotta feeling, I'm not going to get through this.
Ah, great timing, 5th of October, 2 days before my birthday.
My mom talked to me last nite, las year around these days I was preparing for my own birthday, searching for restaurants, inviting people, ordering food and negotiating the price...
I remmeber how happy I was with my 21th...eventhough I wasn't the popular girl back then.
But since come back from Liverpool, I feel nothing but just uncertain.
Bored, yes...but uncertain.
I know I got to do something but dunno what the thing is.
Not in the 'birthday' mood.

I had a cake last nite with my families, with other 2 Octoberies in my family.
Feel nothing...nothing like previous years.

Great, worst now.


ps: I thought of want to write a 'proper' blog today, since I babysitting again in my aunt's house. Well...no mood.


*update*

well...as predicted, I failed. Failed in the sense of failing my hope on myself, failing my hard work, tears and sleepless night, failing the hope my parents put upon me, failed their effort to bring me to UK. Ulterly dissapointed.

I recognise myself as a whole new person, a loser.