Friday, July 22, 2016

Loving Me

I've been criticized by a lot of people.

Weisin you cannot be too emo.
Weisin you are too negative.
Weisin you're clingy.
Weisin you can't be like this.
Weisin you cannot do this, you just can't.
Weisin you are nobody, don't think too highly of yourself.

Along the way, confident level will go down, and I don't love myself anymore.
I think I'm not worth it, not worth your time, not worth your feelings, and I'm just should be normal, shouldn't stand out.

And I pretty sure I like myself, just don't love myself.

But no one will love me if I don't start to love myself first.

I am me, I am who I am.
I am sensitive, I am expressive, I am noisy, I am crazy, I am random, I am different, I have RBF.
But this is me. I am special, I am the only one that can acted this way. I am what I want myself to be.
I cry whenever I want, I laugh I smile when i'm happy.

How dare you to scold me for being, cheerful?

Why am I not deserve to be loved?
Just because I'm not good enough?

I'm much better than a lot of people I'm sure, I will be loved.

Hey me, don't you worry dear. You worth everything, and you are perfect.
You are who you are, your imperfection make you , you.

Thank god for making me realize this.

Thank you.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

My thoughts on Snap Chat

I've been hearing this since...late last year.
Downloaded it, deleted it, install again, delete again.
Till the 3 time, where I need this for work, I force to install again.

I'm trying to explore this app, basically it's instant, much more instant than instagram, huge video platform and pure random.


These are my thoughts on this mega million app and soon to be bigger.

This app represent every millennial.
Short, instance, temporary.
Attention spend for young people are short, Snap chat make it as short as possible, even video you made people watch is short enough to pay attention. This reflected youngster nowadays believe in something temporary, something just happen in a glimpse. No one wants to remember you and have you as a memory.

No one is memory, they are just ...passerby.
I saw you eating lunch, doing homework, partying. But I don't want to remember you.
You are just another pretty girl with extra pretty filter, staring at you for 15 sec, that's all.

No string attach, no interaction, no like, no feeling, no nothing. Just passerby.

For people who posted things up.

I just want people to see me, regardless you see me or not.
I just want to broadcast to the world about my pathetic zhap fan and tell you, 'look, my zhap fan is better than your's'

I do not need your comment, do not need to interact with you, I just want to post this up, and move on with life. Or move on by watching other people's life.

Nothing will lingers after that. No memories, no bread crumbs, just a 'noted' and there even isn't any 'noted' gesture to show.

It's a generation of individualistic.
It's an era where people have confident, have options and choices, you can do whatever you want.

I'm from the era where we have limited digital resources. Something not worth a memory or impact not worth that expensive dial up internet data. That's why we have floppy disk, CD ROM, DVD burner, USB and etc.

I used to save up all my favorite MTV from my fav boy band so I can repeat again.

Technology move on, people changed, lifestyle changed.

People are spoil with choices. And everyone trying to grab everyone's attention. Be it a stupid attention or not. I just want that 15 sec of your life, and look at me.

Our communication pattern of the coming generation will change too.
But to something more impromptu, more spontaneous, random (Hipster) and nothing...worth to stay.

Instant messages not meant to stay, pictures, video and memories, nothing can make a stand.

You don't need to study this person's past because there is no past.

Looking at how people adapting to technology make me sad.

Saturday, July 9, 2016




可能crop top 很美, 可是你有大肚腩。
可能小弟很帅, 可是你很穷,养不起小白脸。
你看到一双绝世bling bling鞋, 可是鞋号太小,难道你就硬硬卖了供奉在家吗?

最适合你的往往是很平庸的。 荧光色蕾丝砖石内衣, 评比素色肤色内衣,哪个出场率高?


今天和kawan 喝酒,不知道什么时候,啤酒没有令我很讨厌了。


忍屎忍尿, 才可以持家。

kawan 和我说,做自己就不会有遗憾。




我有反省为什么我那么negative according to kawans.
可是当下我郁闷,不开心,唯一途径就是找人倾诉, 找懂我的人倾述。


可是散播negativity 是讨厌鬼,所以我不要做讨厌鬼。





Friday, July 1, 2016

Loving me

Hello from bkk! The land of smiles, good food, great people, shopping and massage!

I had lots of fun here with the girls, it's good to take away my mind for a while, to a totally new environment to not think about negativity.

But there's still a hole inside. I don't think it fix anything at all, but I just keeping myself busy busy busy.
I love shopping but it's not that's satisfying.

There's post shopping conversation between the girls, about treating ourselves right, embracing ourselves with the best treatment and feel good.

It's so foreign to me!

They disbelieve that I don't know the feeling of feeling great about my own body, my outlook and do things that make you feel that way.

I like myself, but I not sure whether I love myself. Maybe that's why people feel the same towards me.
I treat myself right but not the best.
There's too many imperfection that I don't think I work hard enough to love myself.

So action plan: to love myself. By becoming the person I like.

First off the list: diet.

I'm always self conscious about the way I look, the way I dress, what I wear.
Shopping here these few days Manley me realize how much I have changed. I used to not think about the outcome, just buy because it's cheap. But now I do.

Settle weight problem probably can bring back some confidence.

I think I used to be confident. But not anymore, it's gone with the music and gone for a very long time.

Secondly: be confident.

Walk with chest up, chin up, firm footstep and smile.
Don't forget to smile.

Thirdly: be interesting

Be random, be interesting, be someone that is entertaining, don't be negative. Turn into someone everyone like to be with. Become someone who can start random conversations anytime anywhere.
Be interesting.

I like you, myself. I just doesn't like you enough to love you.