Thursday, December 5, 2013
Ya, I always do. I always do 120%.
When you think naively what you did is equal or a bit less than what you got, you're wrong.
I am wrong. I am so wrong after so long.
Started from the empty jar, filled with dreams, passion and admire. Days by days it got replaced with responsible, work and duty.
I didn't look at the empty jar for long, and I see there's nothing there. It's just an old jar.
All this while I believe in what I believed, be nice to people and you will have return.
Yesterday I was in an event, and my name card doesn't fit me in anywhere. Put up a big smile and be thick face. Shake hands, exchange name cards, and move on.
I never felt like this before, at least not during 9-6. It's so hurtful I can barely look at anyone. Tears is about to burst out, what I did is seriously cowardly, I escaped.
Something belongs to me, is being ripped off. From the pregnancy to the delivery, but the baby is taken away from me because I'm just a surrogate mother. A replacement, a second option, a back up plan.
Identity crisis. If you are not a fish, no matter how much you try to pretend you are, you are still a whale, a mammal. You will never be fish.
I've been asked, many times.
What have I done?
Seriously, I don't know, I can't calculate, I can't rewind my day in day out schedule.
But I know I wasted time, not without a reason.
Silence is all I can reply.
One genius told me before, some annoying fact.
'No boss will scream and yell at you for fun, they do it for a reason, for an explanation and solution.'
I was annoyed, but it's true.
One fine day I will learn not to remain silent. I should defend myself, with full of condident.