Tuesday, November 27, 2012

对。话, 对话

Probably we used to know about each other too well, and too much. Now every normal thing came out from my mouth sounds vicious to you. But really, thanks for letting me know. I can only be more careful when I know the border line, it would be a big favor if there's a dos and donts.



原来那么正常的担心和问候,会让你觉得那么不自在. 伤了。
爆发出来的是发烧和胃绞痛。 一个人躲在被子里痛苦呻吟。

谢谢你的扶持, 我很珍惜。
我一向都觉得你可以的,只要你又自信能做好, 就一定能做好。 就好像你的工作一样,记得那天你打算拒绝这份工作吗? 后来有信心了,还不是做得那么出色。

Woke up lots of times during middle of the night. Many many times.
What I used to like the most is to wake up earlier than you, and turn around look at your deep sleep face. Although 9 out of 10 you will have your back facing me. I will sit at the bed side and look at your face. 'Morning', I said.

Simple things like this, you never knew how beautiful it is to have someone reply you.

I won't cry over spilled milk anymore, it's worthless. I realize bitterness have become part of me now. 24 hours, whenever I am conscious, I felt bitter. 

But it's ok you know, bitter make me stronger.
You told me that I'm bossy and ego, I don't need nobody. Now only I understand, I actually pick up something from this relationship, called 'dependance'.

I do need somebody, from time to time I do need somebody, physical and mentally there for me.
No need to do anything specific, just be there to company.

I'm not that independent like how I used to be. I'm afraid of the dark, helpless when anything in the house goes wrong, freak out when anything happen to my car, afraid to go out and wash my car alone, don't dare to drive my car out of my range, afraid to go to the nearest neighborhood because there's so much crime cases, I even can't spend a night in the room of pain, can't watch TV on my own, don't mention a free time, weekend or holiday without you in my planning. I do pick up dependance without my notice.

But it's ok, this is the best thing happen to me, of course picking back up independent will be good to me too. Although it takes time, to overcome, but I will. I know.

I found back one dream, finally. Starting to realize it, and hope for the best. Another dream is to fill the house with love, to feel like a home, not an empty shell.

I'll live my life, using my adaptation. I hope it take shorter time, however I know this time is not normal sickness, is a cancer which takes time to cure. Taking baby steps now, although I fell sometimes, stand up and try again. Try harder if you may, cry once in a while, but try and walk further.

'Just because it burns, doesn't mean you gotta die.' I know.
'You gotta get up and Try.' Yes.

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