Terrified

This whole 1-2 months I experienced a lot of first time. Today I discovered the first time I can be so scared of being alone.
I take a deep breath, try to imagine days without you.

Emptiness, sorrow, deep grieve, tears, despair, disappointment, and loneliness.

But it's ok, it's not like I never been through this before, although the context is totally different.

Let's take a pick shall we? I rather suffer from all these, than being someone I hate.

Be calculative, become someone who is so insecure, perform badly on work, didn't want to talk to anyone, try to be lonesome.

I don't like myself like this. And every step I take I need to be considered, whether that will offend you? Stressed you? Suspicious? I still care deeply after all.

It's so upset to think about nothing but this now. How can I not have anything more important than this?

Let me swallow the numbness, and try to hold on the tears. Tears are not valuable when you dropped too much. I'm not that kind of girl, begging for symphathy.

I have two hands, one brain and one heart. Take it and leave.