Monday, October 15, 2012
How am I suppose to hold on, without throwing things, without breaking down, without cursing, and NOT getting angry at anyone of you?
It's deep sadness, grief and broken trust which bothering me.
You know how much I trusted you, and you know how easy I am to trust you again. I just need a confirmation, and I'll be fine. But now, everything is in between.
Isn't it easy to keep everything under the rug? Isn't it easy to juggle your feelings, you know the line between friend and more than that. You know it well. That's why we have loads and loads of rooms, and I never say a word about you having so many close girl friends, because I trusted you.
Don't tell me that I'm thinking too much. You just don't realize the seriousness it can go. I'm just being stupid because I discover this early. I'm a girl too, I too have guys who tried to flirt with me, matter of layan-ing or not is another story. I've been there done that, I know all the tactics.
Do you think it's easy to not showing anything to you? Do you know the jealousy is killing me?
I'm not like me anymore, and we can't turn back time, can't go back to how we used to anymore.
I'm a victim. Yet I have to be strong, try to hold everything together, try to save the wonky situation.
I still have to see the walls when I'm home, thinking about your safety.
Swollen eyes and insecurity, what left for me are memories and dreams that I wish to achieve. As simple as just to spend some nice quality outing, and heart to heart talk.
How am I suppose to deal with this?