Running out of patience

Now that I grew older, one thing is running out in my bank other than money, is love and patience.
*just kidding*

Realizing I always do things for others but leave so little time for myself, I'm tired of people telling what to do.
'YOU SHOULD DO THIS, WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?'

Well.

My patience is running low.
When I always prioritize other's issue over mine, and constantly telling myself, nvm, do this first, I will do mine later. The later never came.

And I fat mang zang because at the end I realize I can't tell what I have done to settle my own issue.

To name a few.

1. I been wanting to get a massage since, AUGUST. This year is counting down to 2017, and I still didn't do it. OH, did I mentioned I PAID for the massage which I never go?

2. I wanted to go for check up and took a jab for vaccine. But NEVER did.

The list goes on.

Why am I fat mang zang? Because if I make plan someone will fat mang zang at me.

I know what my problem is. Poor time management, yes. Always prioritize others than myself, yes.
And I always turn on NOS gas and turbo during work, and I leave NOTHING back for myself. At home my brain is usually stare blank or thinking about bad shit.

I'm also getting lazy in my private life.

I do nothing extra to maintain or elevate my lifestyle.
I stopped buying flowers for a while.
I wanted to use essence oil for the house, the old one ran out and i'm still not replacing it.
I stopped cooking breakfast since I have a dog.
I wake up later and later, that's why I don't have time for brekkie.
I stopped going to the mall, compare to last time I need to go to the mall at least once a week.
I wanted to practice guitar, but it's demotivating.

I want to be a better version next year. Time for an upgrade!

Normalize

I'm usually blog with a title in my head, but today I nothing in my head so just f it... title is lame as shit.

Well, we finally had the trip we always wanted. A trip planned over beer, attendees agreed volunteered and half forcing, but it happened!

I've looked forward to it before my Japan trip.. ohya Japan, gonna write about it later.
2 days after my Osaka trip here I off to another retreat with my favorite people!

I guess compare with other friends we spend relatively more time with each other, at least we will meet 1 month once I guess?
All of them worked under one roof except me. I'm so grateful that I'm included into that friends circle.

It should be a talking, bullshitting, playing laughing trip. I thought there will be guitar there but there isn't, so jukebox from phone it is!

Now I'm back to reality, can't tell exactly what kind of feeling I carry back with me. It's mixed feelings.

At some point I felt warm, looking at those limited pictures we took, and glad it happened.
I felt happy too with so much laughter of crazy drunkard and bitches talk.
I felt one kind probably I had a random fight out of some random reason I don't even think is worth to talk about it.

But I guess I just kept my annoyance in here and in my brain, so little provoke is enough to make me blast.

 

But honestly, ever since the cat is out of the bag I felt so much brighter after connecting the dots.
I guess being left half hanging and too much guessing is not healthy.

What if you REALLY refuse to hang out anymore because of your important another half? I get it!
Do I look like a dumb bitch who can't understand priorities?

I accept the fact that things changed, so don't say nothing changed. Everything changed, you just fail to see it.

Everything aside, I feel really lifted when I know you're happy. I guess that's what friends are for, regardless how much toxic I kept inside but I'm still in the same team!

 I spend a 10-15 min talking to another joker about some shit I had recently, although I'm f-ing sure you won't remember when you awake but I do feel better. kamxia.

I guess there's really too much emotions to digest yesterday, I can't even get a few hours of good sleep.

I hope I can forget that face really fast, not many people yelled at me in my 29 years life. And I'm usually very forgiving and forgetful.

But those who did, unfortunately I remembered.

-----------------

I really wished I was drunk too. So I don't need to feel shitty after the shit.

-----------------

I'm an adaptive person. I just need time to adjust, but usually I get to adjust after some time.
Another month to go and I'm 30!


I promised myself to live my last 20s the best way I can, before I realize it's already December!

I keep mumbling =..=

End of my favorite, Bye October

Most of our fav month is always birthday month.
Mine too.

October has been great, don't be fooled by the picture. This is irrelevant to Oct.
I got so much love, so much birthday greetings, so many present I unexpected, so many celebrations I can't even be thankful enough.

October has been great, although, I missed my target, AGAIN.

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Why hater.
I believe the toughest part of my job is to face hater.

I tried my best to be the nicest person you know, your friend, your advisor when you don't have clue, your helper and your trusted one.

But always, there's hater within internal and external. And the part I hate the most is to keep going back to them like an ex girlfriend, hoping for forgiveness and love.

Hoping them will love me back.

That's life right?

Despite how much I do or how little I do, haters gonna hate.

------------

Hello friend, who hurts me.

I will not blame you for being distance and cold, it's a choice of life.
I choose to love you more and hopefully, you will open your heart and we be that idiot friend who talks crap and sometime intelligent talks again.


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I'm grateful for those who love me, and I will love you back unconditionally.
It's blessed to feel the love, and to know that some where, these people will not leave you behind, they stand by you. They save you when you need them. They will not say no if I need help.

It feels warm actually.

Thank you god, for what I have, what I will have and what I never had.

I'm Blessed :)

People saw me at the lift and asked : HOW MANY ROUNDS OF BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS DID YOU HAD?

#WELL

I'm loved!

This year I had the most celebration, the most flowers, the most hugs and the most kisses I received.

For that, I thank you alll of you who love me and treat me like a lil princess on my small humble birthday.

I heart u all!

Gonna have a fantastic year ahead!

29 years old!!

I'm officially 29!
Yay!

It's 12.22am now, just past my official day of turning into 29.
I must said this year is very eventful.

I have lots of ups, in career, with friends, with another half, with family.
There's lots of downs as well, I guess things need to balance up a bit. Stressed with career, fuss about friends and etc.

But I thankful for such arrangement in life. I learnt a lot, learn to be strong, and learn that I'm invincible, I can do anything I want, at least I believe so.

I see myself clearer, 29 years old me.
I like to be myself once in a while, please myself, be alone and feel secure about it.

I had massive insecurity few months ago, and to my friend who are super annoyed at my famous quote, #quarterlifecrisis.
I fear for the unknown, fear for the future, and worst is I had so much regrets which I hope to do better, but I can't turn back time. So much worry it drowns me.

I'm better now, like I said, I learnt.
I will control the future, and live every bit of it. And I feel much secure now.

It's my last 20s, and I like to experience everything! I am excited with the unknown, go for it!

To everyone whom I love, loved and loving me, thank you for the warm wishes on my small little birthday. I felt big with all your love.

Thank you.

Relationship management

Nope, not talking about boy girl love.

I'm talking about friendship.
Once a friend asked me, do you think a friendship that need to be managed, is true friendship?

Well, sad but it's true that friendship do need to be managed and groom. Friendship that doesn't need to be groomed has been elevated, become sisterhood, or closer than friends.


So, what if your friend have lost interest in you, your topic, your jokes, your invitation?
And you can see clearly double standard is applying to you?

Sad but true that friends sometimes are the best person to hurt you, especially those that knew you too well. When you expose all the soft spot, they know exactly where to press.

---
Recently there's a horrible news happened.

A lady who is the nicest person I knew, a nicest HR I knew lost her husband.
Heart attack, sudden death.

This sadden me a lot, makes me wonder, why am I holding on things that not worth my time?

You can see this person in the morning, and in the same day you are separated by 2 different world?

Why are you so ashamed to admit you miss someone?
Why are you so untrue about yourself?
What if people despise you for being so emotional? Heck it! This is how I feel at the moment and I want you to know!

If I'm happy I laugh, if I'm sad I frown.
If I told you I missed you, I truly am.

What if this is not mutual?

HECK IT!

I know if I'm gone in the next moment, at least I said what I want to say, did what I want to do.

Towards friends I'm an open book. You can read me anytime you want, just the matter of whether you just judging me by the cover.

People drifted apart, see who are the last one standing, and I will cherish every moment I earn from you.

Double Standards

I had an emotions outrage recently, involving a double standard treatment by a friend I keep close to heart.
Before everything else we spoke about this, of being deserted by friend and how bad it feels...
And I said, I will choose friendship over everything else, just don't walkaway.

And there you go, you did the same to me, applying double standard to me, whom I keep close to my heart.
Since it's so close, it hurt the most. I thought I will do everything for you, you will do the same too.
But no, far from there.

I wrote about loving myself on 22 July.
Today is 19 Aug, and I failed to love myself.

SELF REMINDER: I am who I am. I can only be the one I like, if I start loving myself.
I deserve to be loved and I deserve to be selfish for a while. I can be me, no one can help me to be me.

I love myself, and more each day.

Suicide Squad

Despite how bad the reviews are, how low the ratings for this movie, I still like this movie.
I can't deny that the character is too 'good' to be badass, especially Deadshot, but still, kudos to the DOP of the movie.

It's like, these people are living in a limbo.
A different dimension. A space where they have just themselves and no one else.
No social responsibilities, no fear of judgement, no need to please others, no standard of being normal.

Not normal is the standard.

Fearless, bold, daring. They living like a dead people, so you will not feel, will not fear, you just move on and counting days.

Feel the joy from ruins. Be wasted, be the bottom layer of the world and you will not fear to fall.

Be free in the limbo, no restrictions, no chain, no cage.

They don't live.  They are dead, living like a dead people.

It's not the plot or character or story I like about the movie. It's the mood and how the mood was set to be fun being the bad guy.


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Enough of movies.

Say hello to my little girl :)

My world has turned upside down, literally ever since this fella came to my life.
I have literally no time for myself, and basically just adjusting my lifestyle to suit her.

She's Mochi. My healer.

I rescued her when I saw her hopping outside of my guard house in a raining night.
She's hopping because her back leg was injured.

She shivering when I found her, carry her to the car, without knowing what is coming for us.
It's not love at the first sight, not that romantic. I find her quite...ugly and very mongrel.

I always wanted a dog but I hold on to that idea because..I have no time. And I don't want to be burden by huge responsibility.

But she found me. She found me when I needed to be distracted the most.
She give me joy, keep me busy and warm my heart.

I was having quarter life crisis, aka not knowing what to do in life, feeling on the float constantly with a tinge of heartache constantly.

I lost interest in many things (but not to food), and I have very short attention spend.

With Mochi she keep me focused. She make me happy when I needed the most. She allow me to  love her because I just have too much feelings.

She is well mannered, well behaved, potty trained, obedient, very good energy, not too energetic.
Perfect dog for us.

It's a whole new journey for me. It's not easy because I have no experience.
its challenging because I stay in a townhouse.

It's hard when I have no one at home to look after her.

But I think it's fated for us to found her on that night, and her fate to be part of us to keep us happy and warm.

She's the most gentle dog I ever see.

Thank you god for listening to me.

Loving Me

I've been criticized by a lot of people.

Weisin you cannot be too emo.
Weisin you are too negative.
Weisin you're clingy.
Weisin you can't be like this.
Weisin you cannot do this, you just can't.
Weisin you are nobody, don't think too highly of yourself.

Along the way, confident level will go down, and I don't love myself anymore.
I think I'm not worth it, not worth your time, not worth your feelings, and I'm just should be normal, shouldn't stand out.

And I pretty sure I like myself, just don't love myself.

But no one will love me if I don't start to love myself first.

I am me, I am who I am.
I am sensitive, I am expressive, I am noisy, I am crazy, I am random, I am different, I have RBF.
But this is me. I am special, I am the only one that can acted this way. I am what I want myself to be.
I cry whenever I want, I laugh I smile when i'm happy.

How dare you to scold me for being, cheerful?

Why am I not deserve to be loved?
Just because I'm not good enough?

I'm much better than a lot of people I'm sure, I will be loved.

Hey me, don't you worry dear. You worth everything, and you are perfect.
You are who you are, your imperfection make you , you.

Thank god for making me realize this.

Thank you.

My thoughts on Snap Chat

I've been hearing this since...late last year.
Downloaded it, deleted it, install again, delete again.
Till the 3 time, where I need this for work, I force to install again.

I'm trying to explore this app, basically it's instant, much more instant than instagram, huge video platform and pure random.

-----

These are my thoughts on this mega million app and soon to be bigger.

This app represent every millennial.
Short, instance, temporary.
Attention spend for young people are short, Snap chat make it as short as possible, even video you made people watch is short enough to pay attention. This reflected youngster nowadays believe in something temporary, something just happen in a glimpse. No one wants to remember you and have you as a memory.

No one is memory, they are just ...passerby.
I saw you eating lunch, doing homework, partying. But I don't want to remember you.
You are just another pretty girl with extra pretty filter, staring at you for 15 sec, that's all.

No string attach, no interaction, no like, no feeling, no nothing. Just passerby.

For people who posted things up.

I just want people to see me, regardless you see me or not.
I just want to broadcast to the world about my pathetic zhap fan and tell you, 'look, my zhap fan is better than your's'

I do not need your comment, do not need to interact with you, I just want to post this up, and move on with life. Or move on by watching other people's life.

Nothing will lingers after that. No memories, no bread crumbs, just a 'noted' and there even isn't any 'noted' gesture to show.

It's a generation of individualistic.
It's an era where people have confident, have options and choices, you can do whatever you want.

I'm from the era where we have limited digital resources. Something not worth a memory or impact not worth that expensive dial up internet data. That's why we have floppy disk, CD ROM, DVD burner, USB and etc.

I used to save up all my favorite MTV from my fav boy band so I can repeat again.

Technology move on, people changed, lifestyle changed.

People are spoil with choices. And everyone trying to grab everyone's attention. Be it a stupid attention or not. I just want that 15 sec of your life, and look at me.

Our communication pattern of the coming generation will change too.
But to something more impromptu, more spontaneous, random (Hipster) and nothing...worth to stay.

Instant messages not meant to stay, pictures, video and memories, nothing can make a stand.

You don't need to study this person's past because there is no past.

Looking at how people adapting to technology make me sad.

突发奇想

其实人生会遇到漂亮的东西很多，美丽的事物一大堆。

可是不是漂亮就适合你的。

可能crop top 很美， 可是你有大肚腩。
可能小弟很帅， 可是你很穷，养不起小白脸。
你看到一双绝世bling bling鞋， 可是鞋号太小，难道你就硬硬卖了供奉在家吗？

每个人到爱美丽的事，可是并未必是最适合你的。
最适合你的往往是很平庸的。 荧光色蕾丝砖石内衣， 评比素色肤色内衣，哪个出场率高？


----------------------

今天和kawan 喝酒，不知道什么时候，啤酒没有令我很讨厌了。
以前觉得啤酒很苦，现在入口就是辛辣和回甘，后劲有点涩。不会觉得很苦了。
人类荷尔蒙很厉害的，以前不行的不代表以后都不行。

上帝造人，把女人做得很棒。

忍痛一流，才可以生孩子。
忍屎忍尿， 才可以持家。
所以我很强，没有我做不到的事。我真的很他妈的强，强到你们要害怕我。

kawan 和我说，做自己就不会有遗憾。
靠！
我不做自己我会那么多怨言，我就是以为我可以做做自己，偶尔发发牢骚，讲讲是非。
到头来太自我还是很讨人厌的。

你不开心你做自己，然后让大家都知道你不开心？

除非你独来独往，我真的承认我不行。
不然我没有权利做自己。


----------------------------

我有反省为什么我那么negative according to kawans.
可是我可能不是很在意一些事情，毕竟我很善忘。
可是当下我郁闷，不开心，唯一途径就是找人倾诉， 找懂我的人倾述。
久而久之大家都以为我很悲，做人很不快乐。

有时的确，可是大部分时候我只要说出来，隔天就没事了。

可是散播negativity 是讨厌鬼，所以我不要做讨厌鬼。

只有在这里吐吐苦水了。

大家到底是怎么抒发的呢？


---------------------------

我真的很强，没有我做不到的事。

Loving me

Hello from bkk! The land of smiles, good food, great people, shopping and massage!

I had lots of fun here with the girls, it's good to take away my mind for a while, to a totally new environment to not think about negativity.

But there's still a hole inside. I don't think it fix anything at all, but I just keeping myself busy busy busy.
I love shopping but it's not that's satisfying.

There's post shopping conversation between the girls, about treating ourselves right, embracing ourselves with the best treatment and feel good.


It's so foreign to me!

They disbelieve that I don't know the feeling of feeling great about my own body, my outlook and do things that make you feel that way.

I like myself, but I not sure whether I love myself. Maybe that's why people feel the same towards me.
I treat myself right but not the best.
There's too many imperfection that I don't think I work hard enough to love myself.

So action plan: to love myself. By becoming the person I like.

First off the list: diet.

I'm always self conscious about the way I look, the way I dress, what I wear.
Shopping here these few days Manley me realize how much I have changed. I used to not think about the outcome, just buy because it's cheap. But now I do.

Settle weight problem probably can bring back some confidence.

I think I used to be confident. But not anymore, it's gone with the music and gone for a very long time.

Secondly: be confident.

Walk with chest up, chin up, firm footstep and smile.
Don't forget to smile.


Thirdly: be interesting

Be random, be interesting, be someone that is entertaining, don't be negative. Turn into someone everyone like to be with. Become someone who can start random conversations anytime anywhere.
Be interesting.

I like you, myself. I just doesn't like you enough to love you.

Grateful. Blessed

Music is like my sofa. 

I dont treasure it when it's there. When I give my sofa away and been sofa-less for 2 months, I miss it, so much. 

Music is my source of negativity nowadays, I listen to trashy songs and repeat meaningless  beats than my usual playlist. Good thing about English chennel is they have countless meaningless beats, super bimbo lyrics that you won't feel anything out of it. 

I'm grateful that my sofa is finally here. Welcome home, finally! 

Mental Pictures

So after much planning, I finally did my first trip of the year. With my favorite dudes for a dude trip :)
I've been yearning for this for soooooo long and it started with heavy rain, end with spicy hot sunshine.

I can't ask for more, I get what I hoped for, good company, lots of beer, occasionally dead air but that's fine, and lots of bull shit.

Probably we knew each other too well, there's nothing much to talk about actually, but I'm still blessed that we did this.

Although I quite sure this will be the last. I don't think the rest enjoyed as much as I did.

Most of the time I siok sendiri, like this.

So I've been crowned as a emo queen, for whatever reason.
And sometimes i really do, when I drowned in sadness and emotional, it's freaking hard to get myself up and be happy again. But I'm a grown girl now, I can control.

I might be a emo queen, but at least I try to find happiness, I do something to change, I tell myself to be strong. And I CAN.

From where I used to be to now, I've been making remarkable progress. I used to abuse myself because I want to feel more pain than the one inside my chest (but not wanting to die of course). But I find that silly now. I don't do that anymore, I live my life.

OK la layan a bit.

They refuse to let me use BFF, it actually meant Bro Fucking Friend. kthxbye.

Bro asked me why didn't I take picture?
I actually feel paiseh coz that's not what bro does.
But I'm taking mental picture in my head. The moment where we sit at the balcony with sunshine and sea breeze, drinking ice cold beer and talking nonsense.

What can I ask for? What did I do to deserve a company which will teman me to do stupid things?

The many chats we had been running in my mind. I'm blessed.

Bro don't say sentimental things. But I'm a girl.
Thank you for scolding me on silly stuff, correcting me and commenting on my emoness.
Thank you for being awesome kick ass friends for 6 freaking years.
Thank you for spending so much time on my boring as fuck topic, and still pretend to be interested.
Thank us for being apart, but not too far apart.
Thank you for being somewhere, where I know if I'm in deep shit, I can count on you.

----------------

Recently I heard this a lot. 相由心生
Well that is like a slap on my face. I feel sulky all the time and that translated to my face.
That's why i have a shitty face.

Sorry heart, for being so sulky. Sorry face, for putting so much expensive skin care on you but still shitty.

----------------

不见棺材不流泪
Who said I never see casket.
I just try to avoid, or minimize it as much as I can.
Just too many casket lying around. Everything can slap me, even memories is bitch slapping me.

And the most tong ku thing is I have to stop music for a while. 
What is life when there's no music?

一样

无论活了多少年，多少岁，心疼的感觉还是一样的。
心脏怎么没有变坚强呢？

Stopping bad habit

People says you need 21 days to pick up a habit, 3 days to pick up a bad one.
How to stop a habit? Not necessarily bad habit but it's just a habit.

The need and urge to talk to someone, to release, share bad day stories, negativity and find comfort in each.
The need to see someone to escape from reality, to avoid going back to the day-time-self and be happy for a while.

The bad habit of not knowing what to do when the above both are gone.

I try so hard to feel blessed, to be happy even though things doesn't work out as it should be, be a little bit more positive when talking to people.

But it's just my bad habit to have an outlet, to vent things out and laugh all about it.
And that is difficult.

It's difficult to find someone who can listen to you and know you, know you more than you do.
Extremely blessed if I have someone like that but HECK, who want to listen to you boring AF story ??

---
Grow up girl!
Let it GO.

Realization of 29 YO

If there's a time machine, I'm sure my old self will be shock at my new self.
Hello 29!

Beginning of this year I started to have SLOW realization of 29 YO. My final year of being 20s.
I can stop giving myself excuse that I'm young, no one will treat me like a little girl anymore, and don't, don't hope for that too.
I am an ADULT from experience and age.

I need to be responsible for my life.

Let's take a look what are the differences, 20s vs 29s


1. Exercise

I can NEVER imagine myself being a yogi in my early 20s. I used to hate exercising. The only time I did that is because vain reason, I just want to loose weight. I undergone some extreme diet, torture my stomach and eat only fiber. I was young, although it's tough but still bearable. I can almost conclude that I can't do that kind of extreme lifestyle anymore.

After few instances, I started to pick up swimming thanks to my buddy. Then we become regular exercise buddy and started yoga, and some group exercise classes.

Now I am proud to pick up this habit of exercising, and occasionally do it at home when I'm utter guilty for excess rubbish food.

Well done, new me.

2. Health freak

My old self enjoyed food, a bit too much. I still too enjoy food, but whenever I can, I will pack my own cook lunch to work. I'm quite amazed at my determination, although I'm not hardcore, only try to make it 3 times in a week. I'm in sales line, it's unavoidable to have client's lunch/ company lunch every week. But I still quite happy I'm continuing that. My old self will never imagine I could do something sooooo tideous and to be honest, it's not as delicious as outside food with tasty grease and MSG.

Well done again!









3. Open mind

A dear friend commented me many times. i'm super EGO.
I think I am, it's in my nature. I guess that's why since young my vibe telling others that, despite I claimed I'm super low key. Teachers always elected me as class rep, team lead, singing competition, story telling competition and etc. I guess that's the vibe I portrayed even from schooling time.

But this is me. I embrace it and try not to overdo it.
I always refuse to try anything new, something that I'm insecure or knowing that I might not do well.
But this year especially, I tried to have an open mind.

Learning guitar from Youtube although I'm still suck at it
Tried my first ever Marathon and it's ain't that bad.
Going to try more outdoor activities to see if I'm a outdoor person

Be open mind. Way to go girl!


I want to enjoy this year, my last 20s as much as I can. When I read this 5 years down the road, I know I will not be regretted at any decision I made.

I want to be happy, be free and be me.

What do you want?

At this point of time, half way through my final 20s. What do I want?
I feel like I'm floating in these 20 odd years, my expectation is what others expecting me.

I was selected in singing competitions because others are expecting me to.
Story telling because what others think I can do it.
Class rep because... I look like one?
I'm a friend who what my friend think I should be, a daughter of what a mom think I'm should be, a niece, granddaughter of what I'm suppose to do.

Till now, I'm the person people expecting me to do, in career, in relationship.

But what do I want? Who do I want to follow? What do I believe? Where can I go further?
Is this the best of what I can do? Or I can excel further?

Do I want to be ambitious? Or it's just again, expectation?

Do I want to be good all the time? Or someone can excuse me for being naughty and nasty?

I like living up to someone's expectation, that pushes me to a better me. But sometimes I wonder, will my path be different, if I were to live a different way?

Do I LOVE myself?

Will you forgive me if I'm being honest?
Do I always have to give in?
I generally don't like hurtful feelings. Many times I would rather give in to avoid getting hurt, or hurting others.

But anyone care, what I really want? What I expecting others?
Can you listen to me?

---------------------

Challenges in work and challenge accepted.
I would rather work on difficult and big projects than dealing with difficult people.
But I guess this was arranged for a reason. If I can go through this, I might be elevated emotionally, to someone better.

--------------------

Guitar lessons from Youtube..is slow in progress.
I broke another string today and I have no idea how can I keep breaking the string so fast.
Guess it takes time, lots of time to practice.

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Japan should be able to take off, I hope. Fingercross.
This year seems progressive and I'm happy about it :)

Thank god for laying so much adventures before me. I'm blessed with everything I have.

New resolutions in Q1

Hello world!
Recently I've been thinking a lot.
What do I want to do to spend my last 20s?
Come on, I have only one 20s in my life, do I want to be...just that?

So I've been observing, thinking, watching and more thinking.
I want to do something...different.

1. I want to learn guitar, or pick up a new instrument. Watched a couple of guitar tutorials, ain't that bad! I don't believe I can't do this. #challengeaccepted

Will get my guitar SOON.

2. Learn how to cycle again. People said once you learn how to ride a bicycle, you will never forget. The truth is...this is INCORRECT! I fell the hell out of my ass in Hua Hin while I handsomely thought that I still know how to ride a bike. In fact I just keep on falling back to the bush. And those who sees me from the hotel, You're welcome. Free show, take that. #nooneknowsmeanyway

So why not learn how to cycle again, I'm sure is not that hard, just...fall down a few more times, try to avoid the longkang, cover my face and protect my knees. I think I won't die doing that.

3. I want to go JAPAN.
T____T
I have so many reservations to go Japan again. Money, company, timing, season bla bla bla..
I miss Japan a lot, and not like I can't afford to go, I can still travel cheap-ly. So...I'll just GO.
Regardless who I go with, or go alone. I'll go JAPAN THIS YEAR.

待ってます！

I should spend my last year of 20s wisely. Give myself a graduation present for being a big girl.
Can't wait!!

Little things I need to improve this year

I snapped easily, all this while. People who know me know thinks that I am a bunny with that Bitch face on. But trust me, or ask my brother. I SNAP, all the time.

I used to fight with my brother quite badly because I always angry at him.
I get angry with the world, get angry when I was little why I'm not grown up, get angry when adults tease me fat, piss off when people ask me to do things, serve drink etc.

Reality teach me that the world doesn't evolve around me, I'm nothing. Lay low and just please everyone, as many as you can.

Recently I met one very interesting person. A totally opposite person who I am greatly disagree with.
He choose to ignore his root, he choose to insist on one thing he believe, he choose not to give in, not to tolerate with other because 'he believe so'. He even disrespect his grandparents because he refuse to give in.

In this society... there's really too many situation that we need to change, give in, tolerate, and improvise. Insist on something in one thing, why can't you be considerate when come to socializing?
I don't agree with this, BIG TIME.

However, that aside, back to the title.

I need a small resolution, or rather things I need to do.

1. Learn not to care about many things, too much.
- I already learn not to care about work too much, maybe a bit lesser.
- Step back
- When things are not in your way, give way and move on

2. Resting bitch face must be improved

3. Steady, not to be too emo

4. Be cool, be me, be interesting again. Be the person I'm proud to be, and be the person I want other people to look up to.


Not too hard right?

New year what? Resolution?

So I'm not in the mood to write a new year resolution this year, but let's see how much I've accomplished for last year resolution. Reading back is quite funny.

1. To keep up with healthy lifestyle
I hate to lose weight last time, because I've been using the wrong method. starving myself and very little exercise. Now that I found the correct way, I feel good even though my progress is super slow,  and my weight have been stagnant at 60kg for quite a few months now. But who cares, I feel good, feel my muscle toner, self impressed by my tiny weenie abs line, and most importantly I'm not emo!

STILL STAGNANT AT 60KG.

2. Work harder for the right reason
Work harder-- I told myself. But this year I will work harder for the right reason. Working hard doesn't mean anything. This year has been an eventful awful year, a lot of effort have washed down the drain. Now I need to think wiser, work harder for the right reason.

Maybe I worked less harder now, should work harder again this year.

3. Smile more
Many people who don't know me will think I must be the fiercest person in the entire building, something bad must be happened to me.
I. HAVE. SHIT. FACE, I mean naturally my face is shitty.
It's hard...to smile, so I must smile more so less people will think I'm a crazy bitch.

STILL SHIT FACE.

4. Read more meaningful stuff
I really dislike reading. But this is the only way to be more intelligent, so not forcing to read 'book', but anything which is nutritious.

Hard to judge for this, but for sure I'm not reading 'BOOK'.

5. Cook in a more presentable manner
I love cooking, but I always cook in the more convenient way, with least utensils possible, and no presentation at all. I shall learn how to cook more presentable food.

Improving, can be better.

6. Feel grateful
This year has been quite bad. When I say bad, is really bad. I had so much emotions all the time, but after that I learn to be grateful. It could be worst. So I should do this even better this year.

Not bad, I'm quite grateful for what I have. Occasionally emo but let's blame it on hormone.

7. Invest in myself
One of the article I read, the common thing that successful people have, is they love to invest in themselves. To keep improving, to make yourself more valuable. This year, I must sign up to at least ONE flower arrangement class, the rest can add to the list.

Nope, haven't invest in myself yet.

8. Spend more time with family
Another year older, another year wiser. I should spend more time, go back hometown more frequently while I can.

Failed. Didn't went back home town as frequent as last time.

9. Spend less money on food
Step one to save money. Stop spending so much on food and groceries.

Yeah for this I did it! I throw less rotten food than last time.