STFU you idiot!

Have a worst day EVER today.
I went to the temple and pray for smooth year this morning, and it turn out to be my worst day for the bright beginning for year of snake.

It's me again, it's always me.
Who else to blame? It's always me. My dad is right, I did the mistake. It's not me, but it's me. Just like how they frame me.

I can't help but to condense all my sadness together. Incident happened few months ago, the split, work issues, career path, and most of it is about us.

Sadness keep on compressing and compressing, and it become a very heavy burden in my heart.
Relatives asked me where are you, how are you...so on and so forth.

What can I say?

But this is not all, remember I have this very silly arrogant theory about priority?
I think I'm not entirely wrong for this theory. Everyone have a ruler in their heart. Who matter more, they will do more for that person.

Like after what happened today, I can only tell you. So there you go, come back to the same story of priority and ranking.
I try not to, but I can't, I will break down crying again if I keep it to myself.
Why do I have so much emotions lately? Last time I don't know I have so much emotions.

I took the hard way to wake myself up years ago, can't be falling back down again.

Friend asked me:' Can't you just show poker face to the person you don't like?'

I can't.

I can only be happy or sad. Poker face is never me.

I want my life back! The life before every shit happen, I just want a normal life back.
I don't want anymore surprise emails, no more hurtful vicious words, no more blames, no more sleepless night, no more tears, no more guessing, no more heartbreak, I want my music back, weekends movie, lay back Sundays, McD breakfast, great time lying on the bed and leave the whole world behind.

I just want my life back, to how it used to be. I'm not tough as I think I should be. Now STFU and get lost!