Negativity

I have so much emotions today.
When I throwing up in the toilet justnow, was so many things on my mind.
There was so many things spinning around when the water splashing on my skin.
My mind is blank now.

Drowning in negativity.
Something bad, so so bad.
I tried this before, times and times.
I've learnt to build myself a wall, but it is getting vulnerable now.
I've forgetting the rule of playing the game.
How forgetful I am!

Whenever I writing blog post, I'll recall back my past 8 years back.
8 long years I've been tasting the unpleasent, it's back haunting me again.
Each time people telling me :" what's wrong with you?"
For the 8th years I lose this person, I think it's really my matter for being so immature.

I will be more defensive.
No more pinkish fluffy bed time story.
No more believing in naked truth.
No more self deceiving.
I'll study my philosophy of hope.
I know something good shall happen to me.
A happy post next time?