Rain over me

Just feel like problems are like rain, can't stop raining over me, soak me in water and no idea when it will stop.

Who wants to listen to granny story, over and over again?
Who wants to listen to me vent about work? about something which occupying most of my time?
Who the hell who wants to share the story with me, got bullied, being the victim of beaurocracy?
Who can have the patience to listen what I want to vent out, although there's only 1 same story over and over again?

So tired mentally and feel like want to give up just like that. Whenever I see what left in my account enhanced my will.

Of course they are true. No one wants to listen to all this bullshit.

One of the reason I didn't want anymore hardship, anymore argument is because there's enough hardship few months back. Repeating that doesn't help me to get back on track.

I don't feel satisfaction in the things I do anymore. There's flaws, errors, rush, blaming and lots of questions from others.

---

 Got some cold blooded reply from my dearest friend as well today.
Which make my day even worst.

Maybe I'm over-react towards what he said, but that proves why he's important to me.
One word enough to shoo me off, shut myself and start sinking.

Well, everyone have bad day, like today.

I will soon forget this I'm very sure. That's the one thing I'm good at, forgiveness.

Dream board

People asked me ..what's your new year resolution?
I have NONE, LING, MEI YOU, NIL, BOH, NAI, ZERO.

But even though I'm so unambitious, I should keep a dream board, at least something to look forward to.

#1 Japan! I want to experience 4 seasons in Japan :)

#2 Burberry handbag!

#3 G-Shock!

#4 Vintage + woody themed house deco

#5 CRV! If possible I would change this to BMW X1 instead.

#6 Nikon camera because of the damn commercial song. Make me so attach to this brand.

#7 Tiffany & Co necklace!

#8 Jill Stuart Jewelry!

#9 Prada purse

#10 Celine bag..so cute!

Credit to jennysunblog.com. I taken aback when I see this surreal moment of them, splendid.

Moment like this

Long long day today...
Finally manage to take the pain, I can barely walk.

Long meetings, presentations, discussions, summaries, phone calls.
Finally, back to hotel and lie down.

Start flipping whatsapp and line....still work.

Trying to find someone to talk...accidentally did something stupid, something is way over.
So moment like this, I would just think nothing...be blank.

Probably the only picture I have for the night.

Moment like this, I missed few days back in Singapore, everyone is so carefree.
Laugh hard, talk loud, but full of happiness.
See, overly attach again.

Can't get over easily with things I cling on. Gonna change that.

Moment like this, I just wish the pain in my head, can be lessen. Wishing someone can grab me to the bathroom and shower for me. Wishing someone to lean on, someone to do some casual talking, asking how's your day? Do some crazy stuff like messing the hotel upside down, watch a stupid movie.

Friday night eh? What are you doing?

Tricycle.

We want happiness

Once again, I'm amaaaazed by how fast things can change.
Before CNY this year, I will NEVER, ever expect things will turn out this way.
When I thought things will be good, it just go back down, shattered in pieces.

My buddy made a decision yesterday. And I think he's right, he have all the right to do that, no one deserve to suffer. Happiness wins, no one can beat that.

Count one by one, and more to go.
It's sad, this is the place I once have a dream on it, dreaming that we will build an empire by genius, dreams and passion.
But things turn sour, and it rot.

It's not a big problem, but is a pain in the ass.
It's going to end soon, real soon.

Had gin tonic yesterday at the rooftop, and start talking non stop.
Suddenly I realize the beautiful pictures they paint on me, they never come true, not even one.
At least, at some point what he portrayed to me, is not likely the case.
I begin to think, is there some conspiracy?

No one knows, and just keep this not-my-problem attitude.

I will try my best, try whatever I can.

---

Had so much fun yesterday!
Finally we get together, and have some real good time and good laugh.
These people are not that nerdy as I thought.

Good people, fun people! Why we do this so late!
We should have do this much much earlier!!

We didn't manage to have a picture together, but my cute Ms.C manage to capture 1.

It's sad to think about this is the last we might have, but Mr.P promised (sort of) me we will have a trip again.

I'm gonna make sure that happen!!!

Flash back

I wanted to blog but I'm dead tired.
Something they said, might be all true. I really should watch out for some people, they never change.
No matter how much they repackage themselves, they never change entirely.

Should I hold on or should I not?
Emotions stirring.

Lover

10 Years after the last album, after 'Let go', they wanna continue the story to become 'Lover'.
As how they wowed me before, they wowed me again.

This is another song which is worth to listen for another 10 years. Much love to M-flo.
Verbal's music and lyrics, never fail to touch me. This time, he touches me as well.
  
 


今からどうやって

turn back the hands of time?
時計の針、逆 に回せたら rewind!

歯車が狂う前

今より数倍

会ってた分、説明は…

必要ない we could do this all night

語り倒す事だらけだったから

言い辛かったのは GOOD NIGHT

でも今では言う事ないから

「GOOD NIGHT」

First Q

There there....
First Q almost ended, and where we are today?

Work, lots of work.
Unfair treatment, people leaving, demands, improvement, being taken for granted...how mundane.
People chasing for crazy dateline, hiring, keep hiring... Never ending process.

I describe to a colleague the other day, problems are like...cancer.
It'll always be there. It can't be completely wipe out. But along the years as the cancer increase, it'll attack your immune system and collapse. Unsolved issues feels that way, it stuck in somewhere, stubborn and hard to remove.

Many people given me the same suggestion. But deep down I don't want to be seen like defeated because of those stubborn stain.

Pathetic isn't it? Everyone will have a worn out period, but mine is too soon in my view.
Met up with a senior on Friday night. Somehow I do miss the old days, and his too-late appreciation somehow make me feel grateful for being there for 1 and a half year.

I'm like a floating boat now, there's no direction, just let the wind take me.

All pictures credit from greenweddingshoes.com

Dream of headpiece yesterday night in my dream. Isn't she gorgeous!

Watched Django Unchained, FINALLY!

Splendid movie, well done Quantin Tarantino!
Compare to his previous movie Inglorious Bastards, this is more like what I love about him, his signature beauty violent. Glamorously portray blood and brutal, with a hint of humor.
His selection of music is brilliant! It suit the mood, but unlike normal Hollywood movie, even the music choice is humorous. 

Must watch! I will definitely watch a second time. 3 thumbs up!

Now, get back to work. On this beautiful Sunday.

Weird dream

Had a weirdest dream last night. It's so vivid and weird until I questioned myself whether I'm dreaming in my dream. In(ter)ception.

It' so so weird I can touch and feel every detail of the dream, like a movie. And the person I dream about is a most ridiculous person on earth.
I can even feel the weight (most probably is my dumpling pillow). And viola, I'm dead tired this morning coz my mind practically didn't rest at all.

*YAWN*

Teenage dream

Credit to greenweddingshoes.com

That day my girls colleagues are talking about their dream weddings. I'm surprised all of them have their dream weddings in their mind.

We're talking about pastel color themed, fish tail dress for wedding gown, what music to use, ceremonies...so girlish!

I never think of wedding, but I like to see wedding decor. Especially personalize one, each of the decor have their own stories from the couple, how amazing.

Gotten a few red bomb this year, two of them have spent quite some time with me during my college days. If not because of them, I would be less matured now.

Gosh, seeing them transform from guys to men. It's amazing.

Have a happily ever after marriage. God bless.

Self esteem

It's a norm I have very low self esteem, and I know why.
Since young I'm not the favorite child in the whole family, I'm not the favorite kids in the school, I'm just a normal nerd which people hardly notice about me.

I was fat, nerdy. ugly, wearing specs with pimples all over my face. I was the least cool kid in the secondary school, everyone hang out in the malls but I practice my chinese orchestra in the music room.

People enjoying bf time outside of the school, I'm the one either studying or practicing my instrument.
Never a cool kid, never have high self esteem.

Then things happen, I learn to look upwards.
Trying to worship something call 'Positive thinking', and it helps.
Look at myself a different way, try to change things, try to change the way I treat myself.

But something never change. I might be ok in front of most of the people, but deep inside I know my self esteem is still low.
Still the ugly duckling waiting to transform to a swan, but half way there.

I know how much I deserve. 

----

Had so much fun in Bangkok!
Sadly tomorrow is the last day to stay in this beautiful place.
Good place, good food with fun people, awesome!

It's kinda unbelievable that I can still keep the bond with my ex colleagues, but they are not only my ex colleagues, they are my friends. My travel mate!

The good time and crazy shopping time are great, will definitely come back again, hopefully with the same people as well!

Random scary thoughts

Imma Bankok desu! With bunch of fun people, laughter and shopping all the way.

Went to swim this morning, and have some random scary thoughts.

'What if...what I imagined are all true?'
'How can I handle that?'
'How to deal with that?'
'Another round of battle?'

Holidays shouldn't come with lousy thoughts, I shall continue having fun.

Bai.

Enthusiasm

Somehow when I see some people in the office I still admire them a lot.
I can see passion, professionalism, hard working, some geeky ego, and more importantly they are amazing friendly people.

That's add up and equal to a place where I can claim 'a great work space'.

Eventually everything will pass one day, the toughest day will reach the end of the tunnel one day, the sun will swipe away the gloominess of the sky, spring shall come.

However we are different person now. I know.

Few months back I told myself, tough time will pass...will pass.
4 months now my dear, thanks for the toughness and lessons. One shall grow from learning, and learning from mistakes.

A bro keep nagging me a lot of times, be more alert, be mindful, remember this, not to forget that. It's good to have a family-like person to nag about your mistakes and carelessness. I didn't realize I'm darn mindless until people keep nagging me. This makes me extra guilty if I did something wrong.

Peaceful time will come, but storm will make us grow stronger.
Somehow I got inspired by the movie 'Lincoln'. Although he used many dirty tricks, bribery, soft and hard approach to buy his votes, but it's for a better future and a right thing.

Right thing is not necessary done by doing things right.

---

Someone share with me an interesting idea. To feel happy can be both ways. To be happy by good things happen, or to feel happy naturally to make good things happen.

For me is chicken and egg story. It's a good idea, but how noble can one be, not affected by all shits happen around?
But it would be good if we can feel happy naturally, and good things will follow :)
Like I'm amazed by the light pink-purple sky this morning when preparing breakfast, splendid.

---

Once in a while I still feel the pain, to remind myself for the time had pass me and the life lesson had failed me. But she's right, it'll pass, no matter how long it takes.