Thursday, July 16, 2009

Empty


I guess what's in my brain is infinity of questions.

I never know what I lacking of, why I always can't perform well?

Why I never know what I need to do to get better?

I never know how to please everyone!

I can't turn myself into someone who charismatic, I can't change the fact!

Why human are so helpless in life?

I want to do something good out of my life, but end up I losing something in my life for good.

My parents always have confident on me, it's like every parents in this world, think their baby is the best.

They never know how many more genius in this world, and how little I am to compare with them.

Never compare, he said.


I try.

I never know how to do it, I was thought in this way, always compare with the best, then you'll improve.


The feeling is like this pocket is always full.

Suddenly you notice the middle of the pocket is rotten, it's empty, because there lies some mouse in the middle, bitting the filling everyday!

You try to reach into the pocket to get rid of the mouse, but you can't, coz the top is filled.

You seeing the pocket getting lighter and lighter each day, and you can't do anything about it.

Then one fine day, you see some fat mouse lying on the floor, laughing at you, having nothing done but letting it happen.


How to make everyone happy? How to make myself smatter?


Someone tell me please, perhaps you can?



7 comments:

Wei Xiang said...

raisin, don't live to make everyone happy and leave yourself drowning in sadness (if u ever do feel sad after doing it ...)

a friend once asked me: how many masks do you think you should wear when meeting with different ppl? the answer he gave me was, you don't need one.

being yourself and still being able to make others happy; those are the real ppl who loves you for who you are. for those who only wants you to be someone you're not, they probably don't love you enough, or don't really care anyway.

i'm not saying putting on a mask is hiding your true self, but putting on a mask in a way that you're being what others want you to be.

don't ever change for people who don't care =)

szetooweiwen said...

you can compare yourself to everyone your whole entire life and it is never enough. there is always bound to be someone better than you in something else. but because there is only one Yew Wei Sin on this planet, that is why you are unique.

i used to think that by being the best i could make my parents proud of me, i wanted to feel accepted. i hated that i was always compared to my other smarter cousins. i hated that i was never the most popular girl in school. i hated myself cos i was never good enough.

and then i realized that if i was not happy with myself, how can i expect others to love me? you know the saying: if you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?

it's very true. i guess because so many things happened last year to me especially the car accidents that i was very scared of dying. sometimes when i get too ambitious, people around me become afraid that i will change and leave them. and then i ask myself, is it worth it? to be successful but lonely at the top?

is success more important than love and family? to me to have friends who love you for you makes you a winner already. even by being the best, you will never be happy because people are greedy by nature and they will always want more.

i admit, people with my character are very difficult to deal with. i have been different my whole life since young cos of always moving schools and being the odd one out. at first i don't understand why i can't mix around sometimes but i realize that cannot pretend to be somebody i'm not. i always wish that i can speak chinese better or that but some things can't be done in so short time. it's like how you cannot force yourself to laugh at jokes that are not funny.

i always talk only but at the end of the day i am like you also, i guess it's called insecurity. i once told my parents that i cannot be that successful smart doctor or engineer and they told me that they love me and just want me to be a good person in life. at the end of the day, by being yourself, it will make others love you for you.

i get jealous when i see other people better than me but i always stop and think about what i have that they don't. there is not a single bad thing i can think about you. i everytime i say something or do something that is not funny (cold joke) and only you laugh, i feel damn happylor cos you layan me :)

haih although sometimes people don't seem to appreciate but deep inside we do. i guess this UK trip tests us in alot of ways, not just in our education but our strength as a person.

you are smart, don't doubt that or let others make you feel otherwise. be the best you can be. don't compare cos when you do things, it is to beat those people and not for your own benefit. the purpose will change how you feel about your life.

i know i talk to much, very cheong hei. sorry to make you read all my nonsense ya, always be happy! enjoy the coming weeks, you got nothing to lose but everything to gain! :)

weisin said...

thank you guys, I recieved the loooooooongest comment ever, thanks for breaking the record!
I'm much better now, have to think and think of reason to be happy :)
But i feel much better now, although dunno what is waiting for me in next few weeks, I have no confident at all stop crying, but I'll try. I guess I juz can't waste my time in UK crying, I should have fun in UK :)

Thanks a lot, I know I being too emo d...haiz...you know...one of those days...

thanks guys, seriously.

Way薇 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tammy-C-My said...

Wei Sin,
first of all
This will be quite long so can disregard it if u want. haha

2nd, cheer up ya girl!
Don't be so hard on urself la. I think u r great n dun compare urself with others, even though as humans we can't help but do tat sometimes. I ALWAYS COMPARE MYSELF ALSO, ESPECIALLY THOSE VERY DOWN DAYS! haha...


I agree with sze2, you are unique in your own way.
Besides rite, there's this beautiful saying lo:
"God must love average people because he makes so many of them" hehe...Happy to be average.

Besides rite, u think u r not good enough, but there are ppl out there who admire u for who u are. You wouldn't know.

I think that you being caring about others n how they feel is wonderful. If u read my blog, one of my post was how i admire ppl who sincerely cared for others, and not just themselves.

Chatted wf JT just now. From the chat, I realized that you are like even nicer than nice. Really. I'm like aiyo..why u so nice n suffer urself! haha...
but I think that's what makes u u lo. The beauty of u is i think u really put ppl before yourself ma. It's a great thing. I really admire that. If everything is about yourself, I don't think you'll derive any happiness. I think winning is not what makes one happy but rather the journey of getting there and knowing that you did the things that make most ppl happy. Don't you think that u being there and helping ppl makes u a greater person than those with their lonely string of As and a whole lot of ppl hating them?

'A's are good la but I think in some ways I also want to be LIKABLE. Besides employers dun juz go for the As. Well maybe it's just what I think gua. But it's in some ways proven.

I think this UK trip is meaningful in some ways. I think it really teach us abt life. When I was crying to my parents that day becz of stress (ahem see i expose my secret) my dad told me that this is what education is all about la. I mean, life is abt ups n downs and now I think u r at ur down. BUT U'LL BE UP AGAIN!!!! YOU WILL BE!!!

Plus always remember you have a lot of ppl (ur parents and frenz) there for u n support u and that's because of how great and nice u r.

I bought this quote book - got this brilliant quote:
"It's not true that nice girls finish last. Nice girls are winners before the game even starts".

See? If u r one of those selfish ahem starts with a B...who cares rite? You don't wanna be one of those ppl.
JUST BE WHO U ARE! DON'T COMPARE! EVERYONE IS THE BEST IN THEIR OWN WAYS!!

Chicken Little says: "Tomorrow is a new day"!

weisin said...

why everyone is competing in lenght of comment izzit?

I'm overwhelm seriously...

This whole week is like a disaster, but true lor.. it's really helps learn about life here.

People keep telling me and lecturing me life cannot be like this.

Looked back all the years I've been through, I'm satisfy with what I have, but at the same time I choose to ignore what I hate myself.

Yesterday I filped back the old pages of my life, noticing how wrong I've done in the past, how odd I am when I do certain things, how suprise and shock when comparing me and the person I dislike the most, because we did the same thing out of same intention! When I standing in others shoes, I realise how annoying I am...haha.

I have no idea how much I done wrong in the past, then I thinking: should I change?

Then I realise, 'wait a minute,I've been trying to change ever since I ignoring my problem,i've been changing to suit the whole world!'

I guess I'm losing myself, I used to be someone who like to sing, sing loud in front of everyone, sing joyfully and left just me and my music. But I don't anymore, this is not the way the world want me to be.

But I hope I'm changing good, I hope this whole UK experience can make me into better person.
Although situation always put me in dilemma, I hope I won't offended anyone, and I know it's hard not to offend anyone, but hope you understand, I still care like I used to be.
Just that my scale can't always be balance, it's too heavy at one side.

Thank you friends, bother to write me such a long long comment.
I really appreciate this :)
*more* :):):):):):):)

Don't worry, I'm just experiencing a process of evolution,I'll be fine when I know what suit the world best, and how to perform it well.

I'm walking on a string, when I reach the end, there will be a platform for me.

jiateng said...

I hope you really can see who really cares and who actually not....

In this period, many people will come to you and act like a good person,

But in fact, they just want to protect themselves.