Dreams

I always dream of falling since young.
The most frequent one is walking down from staircase, big steps, I can never see the next step in front, and always end up free falling.

Google a bit:

Fall

To dream that you fall and are not frightened signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.    

To dream that you fall and are frightened indicates a lack of control, insecurity, and/or lack of support in your waking life. You may be experiencing some major struggle and/or overwhelming problem. It may also imply that you have failed to achieve a goal that you have set forth for yourself.

To dream that you are free-falling through water indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions. You may feel that it is easier to give up, then to try to stay afloat or prevent yourself from going under. 

To dream of the fall season indicates that something is about to come to an end and something new will begin. Alternatively, the dream is symbolic of the cycle of life. It is time to collect the benefits and rewards that you've worked so hard for. 

I dream less of falling, but on and off there's still the same dream.

Feels like Alice in the Wonderland falling into the rabbit hole. Unknown, can't get hold of anything. Just waiting for myself to reach the ground.

I've been pondering, what's good to do, what's not good to do.

All my life I've been indecisive. 

Could be my habit, hard to make up my mind, letting the situation leads me instead of the other way round. 

In a way, my brain is refuse to plan for future, to predict and to think. This questions appear many times recently.

What. do. you. want.

I stoned for good 10 second in front of an important person, and I'm totally speechless.

Again feel like falling into a hole of thoughts. Many random thoughts but nothing concrete enough for me to construct a sentence, ' I want to.....'

Want to move forward, fear for challenge.

Want to make a change, fear to get rid of my habit.

Want a peace of mind, fear to think about problems.

Been tango-ing like this every time I can't make decision. 

As I'm writing this, my mind is still like a f up mash mallow. Don't know what I want seriously.

Think harder.

---

There's a serious conversation carry out by one of my important influencer.

I did my usual venting-of-the-angry-moment.

Maybe venting too much will become extremely annoying. 

All of sudden he force me to confront to my own weakness. 

'If you keep on thinking like this, NO ONE can help you seriously.'

Wake up call. A big heavy wake up call.

Despite the lecture, it still doesn't help in my soul searching.

Maybe I should experience something big, to inspire myself to live my life.