What's the point?

There's a news came out yesterday about this old couple, who hated each other so much, they slaughter each other just for RM 20.

News link: http://www.nanyang.com/node/557871?tid=460

What's the point?
If they are not meant for each other, why bother to hurt each other? Why brutally slashing each other and in the end hurting not only yourself, but the people around you?

这么近那么远

当别人问我最近怎么样的时候，我都说还不错。
还不错，因为少了最头疼的烦恼，剩下的我都觉得可以解决的，把那些烦恼留给工作，把压力留给自己。 我可以的。

一根针扎进心里，别小看它，它那么的锐利，偏偏扎中心里，疼也拔不出，看又看不见。

从前被批判，嘴巴太大，说话太多。
自此之后我都选择能忍就不说，自己能解决就不说。不能解决的更加不用说。
久而久之，能说话能倾诉的能力就渐渐弱了。
就好想用华语，用口诉说心里的话，渐渐说话表达能力就弱了。说出来的往往只是重点，没有修饰没有描述。直白得肉酸。

好想说话，当我低靡的时候谢谢你陪我说了不少话。虽然重复重复的说这一样的话题，一样的心情，可是原来要听那么无聊的话题也是一门学问。

好想说话，好想说我想说的话，好想无忧无虑的说话，不用担心什么人不高兴，不用管什么人会对我又偏见。

以前想要的， 现在还是一样的。

Fiery peri-peri weekend

That's how much foooooood I had during last weekend *fat mood on*


Being very moody out of nothing, and end up having a very restless and very emotional weekend.
But on a bright side, it end up not bad, at least mood got adjusted a bit.

Luckily I didn't choose to blog that time, coz I know the reason is really SH.
I feel SH most of the time when I'm so passionate about something and I don't get response.
But who cares, my memory is like fish brain, I won't remember the next day.

Stop thinking what I want...enjoy the moment and be happier each day.

Keep fresh and carry on

 

Dreams

I always dream of falling since young.
The most frequent one is walking down from staircase, big steps, I can never see the next step in front, and always end up free falling.

Google a bit:

Fall

To dream that you fall and are not frightened signifies that you will overcome your adversities with ease.    

To dream that you fall and are frightened indicates a lack of control, insecurity, and/or lack of support in your waking life. You may be experiencing some major struggle and/or overwhelming problem. It may also imply that you have failed to achieve a goal that you have set forth for yourself.

To dream that you are free-falling through water indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions. You may feel that it is easier to give up, then to try to stay afloat or prevent yourself from going under. 

To dream of the fall season indicates that something is about to come to an end and something new will begin. Alternatively, the dream is symbolic of the cycle of life. It is time to collect the benefits and rewards that you've worked so hard for. 

I dream less of falling, but on and off there's still the same dream.

Feels like Alice in the Wonderland falling into the rabbit hole. Unknown, can't get hold of anything. Just waiting for myself to reach the ground.

I've been pondering, what's good to do, what's not good to do.

All my life I've been indecisive. 

Could be my habit, hard to make up my mind, letting the situation leads me instead of the other way round. 

In a way, my brain is refuse to plan for future, to predict and to think. This questions appear many times recently.

What. do. you. want.

I stoned for good 10 second in front of an important person, and I'm totally speechless.

Again feel like falling into a hole of thoughts. Many random thoughts but nothing concrete enough for me to construct a sentence, ' I want to.....'

Want to move forward, fear for challenge.

Want to make a change, fear to get rid of my habit.

Want a peace of mind, fear to think about problems.

Been tango-ing like this every time I can't make decision. 

As I'm writing this, my mind is still like a f up mash mallow. Don't know what I want seriously.

Think harder.

---

There's a serious conversation carry out by one of my important influencer.

I did my usual venting-of-the-angry-moment.

Maybe venting too much will become extremely annoying. 

All of sudden he force me to confront to my own weakness. 

'If you keep on thinking like this, NO ONE can help you seriously.'

Wake up call. A big heavy wake up call.

Despite the lecture, it still doesn't help in my soul searching.

Maybe I should experience something big, to inspire myself to live my life.

 

The August

Obviously out of title to write. So here I am.
Manila again.

Normally when I'm in Manila, I have thoughts to write things down.

Spent a long day with the mentor, and again, same feeling, feeling small.
Being asked again what I vision myself to do, what I prefer to do, what I want for my career, what's the path I like...I'm like...blank. Completely blank.

Such a LOSER.

Is either work extra hard for it, or work extra smart for it. The later sounds more imposible.

---

Kinda 'lost' a friend recently. When there's no more reply, I know there won't be anymore sincere reply.
Thanks for all the support and comfort you did for me, you will be remembered I guess :)

Feeling empty.

---

Talking to genius and intelligent people make me sounds extremely bimbo and dumb.
Remind myself not to get into 'entrepreneur' -like people, nerds sometimes are cute, but can be very very annoying at times.

---
Sent a wrong article to a future dad one day. And I got cold treatment.
But well, it's a truly touching piece. I wanted to share with you all.

Credit to the sweetest husband and the toughest dad: http://timothytiah.com/2013/08/04/a-letter-to-my-future-son/

You build up hope, but failure's all you've known

When you were standing in the wake of devastation 
When you were waiting on the edge of the unknown  
And with the cataclysm raining down, insides crying save me now  
You were there and possibly alone
 
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation  
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known  
Remember all the sadness and frustration  
And let it go, let it go.
 
And in a burst of light that blinded every angel  
As if the sky had blown the heavens into stars  
You felt the gravity of tempered grace,  
Falling into empty space  
No one there to catch you in their arms
 
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation 
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known  
Remember all the sadness and frustration  
And let it go, let it go
 
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation  
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known  
Remember all the sadness and frustration  
And let it go, let it go
Let it go Let it go Let it go Let it go

 
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation  
You build up hope, but failure's all you've known 
Remember all the sadness and frustration  
And let it go, let it go