Gambling

There's only so much I can do. I hate to bet on faith, something beyond my control.
I really wish what I give is what I gain, at least not a total loss.

It's probability, it's chance, it's not blind fate. I hope my equation work out.

ok. thanks. is so much I can receive.

Faith enhancement

There's so many issues, half hanging here and there, feel like being trapped in a cobweb, the more you struggle, the deeper you are trapped.

Again, I feel so small that my issues are not worth to mention at all. But, I do suffer.
I'm feeling helpless most of the time, not capable enough, not grown up enough, not confident enough.
On the other hand, I have to tone myself down to be 'nice ' to people.

I am not there yet. Peeling off the lies, sees the truth sucks.

Still, I have to man up and show you the happiest side of me, the joyful cheerful side of myself.
For one simple reason, my issue have no solution, too small to mention, and no one interested.

So I sank myself in my insecurities, my broken ego and low self esteem.
And put on a mask when I need to.

Urgh, need a way out.

Why so serious?

 

Hope

 

Dreams always remain prettier.

Reality is tiring, is poor, is ugly.

As much as I tried, but let's hope. Let's hope nothing wasted and all things work out, hard work pays off.

I'll sit here waiting, one day you will conquer what once conquered you.

Rainbow dream

Have a rough morning today.
When I though I'm seeing the rainbow, It's actually not. It's rainbow after storm, and another wave is hitting again.

I'm always conservative in this matter, I shall not hope, shall not comply. Just go with the flow.
Simply put, I just tired of hardship and choose to runaway from the easy way out.
Easy way out ain't solution anyway.

For once I can't help you with, I can only look forward, with a big fear in my eyes.
Let me know when the music stops, and I'll dancing on my own.

Young and Beautiful

The title and picture says it all, current addiction, or rather obsession.

Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?


How beautiful the lyrics is. Somehow when I repeat the song, it enhance the image in the movie.
Forever young and beautiful love? Dare not to hope, but this is too beautiful not to be obsessed.




Met up with a few colleagues during my trip this time. First time ever I done this.


I'm not particularly close to my colleague, because I'm 600km away from them.
But I'm very damn glad, I'm close to few of them, being cheerleader for few of them. One thing he never wrong. Those who work their life off for the company, are good people.


I'm quite emotional when I see them. There's isn't much to say actually, we don't share common life. But talking to them are something very relaxing. It's like we know each other for years, and catch up after years of not seeing each other.


No picture taken I don't know why. But always in my heart.


One of them gave me a copy of comic today. With a note on it. I just love handwritten note do you know? :)

I probably won't be seeing some of them anymore. We might even not talking to each other. But I had the moment, where we cheer each other up, and be there when I feel lonely fighting.

Power spot no longer power spot, but I hope I will recharged soon!

One good thing is, we can now call friends, than colleague.

Being an adult

I have a big mouth.

Everyone around me should know this. I brag about stuff, talk big about things, being so ego and so full of myself. I have a big mouth.

A lot of times I can't help to express myself, because I'm insecure.

Do you know the feeling of being invisible for years?
I been through that.

And I hate it, I'm don't like to be ignore, probably I wanted to talk so much most of the time. I want to prove myself.

The consequence of being big-mouther, is when you do something contradicting with what you said, you keep quiet.

No matter how helpless, how painful it is, you shut up. Because you talk too big.

---

Being an adult is never easy.
Being stress at the middle of night, thinking about work over and over again, being helpless of current situation, can't even explain your self. Sucks.

Who understand that?

Right now, I just want to run away from this.