Tuesday, May 14, 2013
The cat is out of the bag, although it's not really a tied bag...
Well, have ups and downs in life, and I really appreciate ups now especially down is nothing but a bitch.
6 months is not a short time, and we learn. From the hard way, from the fearful way, from the hurtful way, but we learn nevertheless.
Shadows, scars and feelings never go away, although i forget things damn fast. If the slight feeling like last time hit, I'll have phobia all over. It's too painful to go through another round.
We'll do baby steps now. I'm impressed, at how we relook into things, how I jump out of that life and look at myself, how I value my own.
And something I learn about myself, I'm just not the average girl I wanted to be. I won't be a princess but always a bitch. Just a soft hearted bitch which is restless.
But I realize I am who I am. If one fine day I become a demanding princessy dumb blond, I'm not me anymore. I just feel happy when I'm in need, when someone need me to fill a spot. I don't know what is right, but I hope this is not too wrong.
For those who spend great amount of time supporting me when I'm in my down time, I appreciate your time and effort in comforting, you mean a lot to me, you contributed my learning curve. Shit might happen in the future, and might cry wolf as well.
I have such a big mouth, mouthful of theory but never manage to apply to myself. I shall practice tighter self regulation.