Understanding

I mentioned to this tons of times, the feeling and the complications for my transition.
Everyday I come early to office, which I never do it before for the past 2.5 years.
I come mostly before 9, int he good days I come at 8am. And despite sleepy, I feel good not feeling rush.

And again, it's his teaching and he's always right. Opportunity is for those who come early.

I can't help to ponder, did I missed something really big in my carreer? Did i do the right thing?
Why do I feel so sad all the time, and feel so insecure?
Why do I see all sorts of issues all the time?