Surreal

Today marked my last day tenure here.
Mixed feeling, sad is the majority.

Feeling insecure, feeling sucky, feeling unlucky, feeling trapped, feeling heavy hearted.

Each time I have this tendency to leave a company just before it gotten into its' best shape. And now looking at the new org chart, I know I'm no where near the management level.

Somehow my progress just stuck at somewhere and can't grow. It make me wonder if people like me who have this kind of personality, not fitted for big task?

Self reminder again, I leave to grow, I leave to feel the hardship, I leave to proof myself that I can, not the one who always look down on myself.

I leave for a tougher reality, leave for better learning, better initiative, a new mind.

I will survive even though it's tough, I can do it.

Understanding

I mentioned to this tons of times, the feeling and the complications for my transition.
Everyday I come early to office, which I never do it before for the past 2.5 years.
I come mostly before 9, int he good days I come at 8am. And despite sleepy, I feel good not feeling rush.

And again, it's his teaching and he's always right. Opportunity is for those who come early.

I can't help to ponder, did I missed something really big in my carreer? Did i do the right thing?
Why do I feel so sad all the time, and feel so insecure?
Why do I see all sorts of issues all the time?

It's complicated

Am I gotten over the whole hoo haa resign-break-up syndrome?
Maybe yes, but not completely.

It's really hard to find anyone to understand how I feel, and yet I wanted to vent out so much.  Trust is so hard to come by, and it's so hard to let go.

Now I'm starting from ground zero again and earning people's trust. Please let me know I did the right thing.
Please let me know I'm better, because I don't feel like it.

People who started at the same ground as me, are already someone, doing something important now. What the hell am I doing?