Running out of patience

Now that I grew older, one thing is running out in my bank other than money, is love and patience.
*just kidding*

Realizing I always do things for others but leave so little time for myself, I'm tired of people telling what to do.
'YOU SHOULD DO THIS, WHY DIDN'T YOU DO THAT, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?'

Well.

My patience is running low.
When I always prioritize other's issue over mine, and constantly telling myself, nvm, do this first, I will do mine later. The later never came.

And I fat mang zang because at the end I realize I can't tell what I have done to settle my own issue.

To name a few.

1. I been wanting to get a massage since, AUGUST. This year is counting down to 2017, and I still didn't do it. OH, did I mentioned I PAID for the massage which I never go?

2. I wanted to go for check up and took a jab for vaccine. But NEVER did.

The list goes on.

Why am I fat mang zang? Because if I make plan someone will fat mang zang at me.

I know what my problem is. Poor time management, yes. Always prioritize others than myself, yes.
And I always turn on NOS gas and turbo during work, and I leave NOTHING back for myself. At home my brain is usually stare blank or thinking about bad shit.

I'm also getting lazy in my private life.

I do nothing extra to maintain or elevate my lifestyle.
I stopped buying flowers for a while.
I wanted to use essence oil for the house, the old one ran out and i'm still not replacing it.
I stopped cooking breakfast since I have a dog.
I wake up later and later, that's why I don't have time for brekkie.
I stopped going to the mall, compare to last time I need to go to the mall at least once a week.
I wanted to practice guitar, but it's demotivating.

I want to be a better version next year. Time for an upgrade!

Normalize

I'm usually blog with a title in my head, but today I nothing in my head so just f it... title is lame as shit.

Well, we finally had the trip we always wanted. A trip planned over beer, attendees agreed volunteered and half forcing, but it happened!

I've looked forward to it before my Japan trip.. ohya Japan, gonna write about it later.
2 days after my Osaka trip here I off to another retreat with my favorite people!

I guess compare with other friends we spend relatively more time with each other, at least we will meet 1 month once I guess?
All of them worked under one roof except me. I'm so grateful that I'm included into that friends circle.

It should be a talking, bullshitting, playing laughing trip. I thought there will be guitar there but there isn't, so jukebox from phone it is!

Now I'm back to reality, can't tell exactly what kind of feeling I carry back with me. It's mixed feelings.

At some point I felt warm, looking at those limited pictures we took, and glad it happened.
I felt happy too with so much laughter of crazy drunkard and bitches talk.
I felt one kind probably I had a random fight out of some random reason I don't even think is worth to talk about it.

But I guess I just kept my annoyance in here and in my brain, so little provoke is enough to make me blast.

 

But honestly, ever since the cat is out of the bag I felt so much brighter after connecting the dots.
I guess being left half hanging and too much guessing is not healthy.

What if you REALLY refuse to hang out anymore because of your important another half? I get it!
Do I look like a dumb bitch who can't understand priorities?

I accept the fact that things changed, so don't say nothing changed. Everything changed, you just fail to see it.

Everything aside, I feel really lifted when I know you're happy. I guess that's what friends are for, regardless how much toxic I kept inside but I'm still in the same team!

 I spend a 10-15 min talking to another joker about some shit I had recently, although I'm f-ing sure you won't remember when you awake but I do feel better. kamxia.

I guess there's really too much emotions to digest yesterday, I can't even get a few hours of good sleep.

I hope I can forget that face really fast, not many people yelled at me in my 29 years life. And I'm usually very forgiving and forgetful.

But those who did, unfortunately I remembered.

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I really wished I was drunk too. So I don't need to feel shitty after the shit.

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I'm an adaptive person. I just need time to adjust, but usually I get to adjust after some time.
Another month to go and I'm 30!


I promised myself to live my last 20s the best way I can, before I realize it's already December!

I keep mumbling =..=