When life throw you lemon, make a fucking lemonade?
If you are close to me, probably you know the agony and frustrations I suffered in the past one year.
It's been one year I'm diving myself into a new industry, and I think I did ok. Not good, not really bad, but just OK.
In this past one year I reflect a lot. I didn't do well is it because of..ME?
Yes, I thin partially yes. But this version of me reminded myself the secondary school me.
Girls around me are exceptional. my best friend is miss popular, everyone love her, academically sound, and she can do anything she want.
I studied in science stream in a girl school, the school is one of the top school in town. Like any other good school, peer pressure is enormous.
I channel my energy to orchestra. I did ok in Yang Qin, I think I'm the best player in my team, but I never make it to have my solo performance.
My teacher commented me before, that my heart is not peaceful, my music represents me, they are with anger. I guessed he's right.
I remembered I felt so small everyday. Morning before class, I like to go to the field and watch the sun rise. I inhale the morning breeze as much as I can, and tell myself not to fuck up today.
And I live another day by.
I have friends who believe in me, I have music to fill my head. I have loving family who supported me no matter what I do. But I feel small. I feel not good enough. I have no confident.
This feeling continued till 3rd year college. The first two years was quite shitty. And on my 3rd year I realize, the problem is NOT ME.
I have been surrounded by parasite, I can never be myself.
From then onward I grow that confidence little by little, bit by bit.
Every time I met someone who believed in me, I felt stronger, I felt I can do anything.
You invest some confidence and trust in me, and I can work magic. Always the case.
That's what I been through in the past one year. Feeling little.
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Now life throw me a lemon, and I will make some lemon jam and enjoy my toast.
I will embark into a new life and hopefully, I can be stronger, I can be that ME whom I like. Whom I see confidence bursting from my own eyes.
I will disregards the negativity surrounded me, and I will leave those cancerous people and things behind. I will start all over around and and I will be great.
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Another best friend of mine is getting married. I just gonna jot down here to reminisce in the future.
I remembered we spoke about the future, and he always think he will end up alone because the one don't exist. And I always believe in the right timing with the right girl. And hell yeah I'm right.
Seeing him a changed man, it is almost unbelievable. I guess that's what love is, will move mountains and change you without noticed.
Love wins :)
