被打败了

这次感觉上完全被打败了。

从前无论多么苛刻的责骂，我只要哭一哭， 第二天就没事了。
这次哭不出来，只有隐隐的痛，还有无限的失望。

还有一种要放弃的感觉，糟透了。

胸口闷闷的，谁可以听我诉苦啊！！

What can I do?

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there



The feelings deep down, with much anger and disappointment.
What can I do to make you happy? Sometimes you have to admit it that I am plain dump.
I don't think I didn't try my best, but my best could be your worst.
I have given out my everything, but still nothing to you.
I just want recognition and sense of successful.

You know that I'm a follower, that's why I'm here. I will try, harder, to not being a follower.
Urgh, when your spirit is torn apart, it's hard to get yourself up together.

Keep on fighting girl, if not, there's still plenty of trees in the forest, you will find your way out.

Systematic?

I myself, as a person, I have to admit that I am extremely messy, doing what appears before me and I hate to put back things after use. I'm trying hard to learn to be less messy...

However, I used to work in a very systematic environment, everything have a 'system', 'Procedure'...
Although they are not perfect, always tweaking here and there, but at least no one question about the credibility. People trust this company because they are long in this industry, and they are (so call) listed company ..well well..

My life turn 360 after changing job. Things I exposed is totally different, ways of dealing problems and troubleshoot is very 'creative', handling people and hierarchy... typical style working in big corporation.
The only matter is I'm servicing this big corp, things become a bit different when you are 'part of them', yet not 'part of them'.

I'm glad I given a chance to expose to so many things, and so many try and error. I think I will definitely benefited from this one fine day.

Systematic is a utopia we try to practice as a start up company, however people do expect a lot from us. I'm very proud actually, because of the capability of my co workers.As a start up, there's a lot of things, are done by per request/ favor/ help/ ad hoc. There's too many influence to disrupt the order. Oh no, there's no excuse in this industry. There's only hierarchy to follow. Do as follow.

Now only I understand once my ex manager told me about this during my first interview: ' Sometimes you have to learn how to say no.'

Problems occurs recently, work stuff, make me rethink the ways I used to deal with my problems. There's certain decision will be made by certain party, and that decision is a finalize answer. There's no doubt, no question, no discussion. Final answer.

Issue become so easy to solve last time, because no one will argue and demand, 'HE' says so, that's the final answer. I'm thankful I'm given such an environment to learn from mistake, crisis managment especially. Still far from perfect, but at least one step closer.

Got to step up straight, look up, speak in a firm voice. Do things wrong? Admit. Can't do it? NO.

Feel grateful? Thank you.