Learn how to be alone again

I talked to a friend last week about being alone. 'Have you ever enjoy alone time?'
'Yes, I do enjoy alone time like this, but I hate to be alone, as in alone alone.'

Loneliness is always my weakest spot since donkey years ago.
I hate to be alone with no purpose, I just hate that empty spot in my life where I have only myself.

I feel stressed recently, could be PMS, could be stress, could be the mundane life that I can't break out of it.
So I opened the pandora box.

And truth hurts.

When I thought we're going to the same direction, but the truth is we're not. We are in opposite direction trying to walk parallel.

I pictured myself to be a mother, to have purpose in life. But it all shattered when it's all just in my head.

I'm traumatized inside. It's all happening again, again and again.

I have no one to talk to, no one I want to talk to.

Please someone teach me to be alone again, please tell me it's ok to be alone.

New Year Resolutions 2017

I told myself not to do this, but I think I need this. Let's take small steps at a time.

It's my big 3---0 this year, hence I want this year to be productive, fruitful and happy.


1. To care less about bitches and hypocrites

Admit it, life is full of bitches, and I can't avoid it. So let's not avoid it and be selective in caring.
Some people just don't like to see peace and would like the world to burn. I choose not to get involve and work AROUND these bitches.
You want to get into me, in your dream bitch!

2. To be loved

I heard from an aunt today about working her life all along, for kids, for work, for school. But what she wish for when she's old is to have a peace of mind, to worry less and to enjoy more.
I shall do this from now on, so when I have a kid of my own, I will not regret for living less when I can.

3. Smile more

I think generally I looked better when I smile. I want to look prettier. All I need is a bimbo reason.
Learn to smile in front of people who I don't like, this is like another level up.

4. Sing along song

I want to be better at guitar. I stopped at maybe....3-4 songs and I'm still struggling with these songs.
I wanna get betterrrrrrrr and hopefully someday I can just pick up the guitar and be handsome and charming, and play it like a pro.

5. Fitness goal

My fitness goal is not to achieve a certain weight loss or any shape..
I realize I've been working out, eating cleaner for 3 years now, but honestly weight loss is not happening (much). But I feel better about myself. Fat is lesser, muscle gained more. I do look big still generally, but I feel this kind of big is different from last time. Last time everything is soft, greasy and I get tired swimming 2 laps.

I can swim 12-15 laps now without stopping :)

Now I feel good when I work out, when I feast I feel guilt free. I work out to stay active and keep up the stamina. I feel not sorry when I still picking clothes for M or L size because I know I don't look just 'fat'. I look normal.

Work out has changed me quite a bit. I don't like to sweat still but I think I diciplined myself to do that.

 Let's take baby steps and hopefully world can get better :)

Adios!

Japan 2016

Konnichiwa!

This post serve as a travelogue to record my 29 birthday present to myself <3 p="">
I worked hard in year 2016. BLOODY HARD.
When I keep contemplating wherther I should go to Japan to reward myself, I reckon I should treat myself fairly given I worked my ass off in this year.

So I did, with my best travel mate, and off we go a magical journey.
It worth every penny we spend, and I think this is the BEST birthday present I ever gotten for myself.

The craziest thing we ever had in the entire trip. We went to a local bar with no idea what to order. This is served when we askfor their famous dish. RAW CHICKEN. It actually taste quite good :)

The normal karaage

Liver skewer

chicken meat ball

First night, bracing 5 degree to find food. I'm so glad we decided to come to this local bar. The boss is sooooo shy he trying to have small talk with us but he couldn't speak a word of English. End up we manage to engage with him using my very limited japanese

Ginkgo leaves everywhere!

Crazy japanese. They are protecting palm trees, coz basically palm trees can't stand the cold weather. They are wrapping the trees with straw to keep them 'warm', with certain design to beautify the wrapping. They even have a banner to explain why they doing this.

DREAM COME TRUE!

Arabica coffee! I've been following the instagram of this barista, and finally I can have a sip of dream.

Oversweet Taiyaki

Arashiyama. My favorite!

Leng! Single and still available!

This place is so unreal!

Some random flower shop. They don't keep the flowers inside at night, just leave it outside and NO ONE will steal the pots.

Every morning we stroll around and look for coffee. Family mart coffee wins

A small neighborhood in Kyoto called Hanazono. We started our journey crazy early every morning. We see students rushing to school, rows and rows of bicycle to work and to school. It's such an awesome experience.

Must have! Osaka shui gou gai!

Didn't had much sushi, only manage to eat ONCE :(

Kiyomizudera. Heard that they are going to close it for 3 years for refurbishing.

Kita no tenmangu. We paid 700 yen to enter the park but it's MAGICAL! The leaves are red untillllll.....

Mastuya! Still the best GYUDON!

We search around for this small cafe called KURASU. It's hidden at the alley near Kyoto Station. The barista speaks perfect english. Their signature is hand drip coffee. They basically make coffee while listening to John mayer, humming the music and dancing along. These make good coffee I guess, must be the John Mayer.

ICHIRAN!!!! HOU GIK DONG ARRR!

The original coco ichibanya. They changed their menu slightly, didn't taste as good as the first time I had it.

Who said you can't talk to deers?

This turn out to be the BEST ramen we ever had.

Yuzu flavor ramen. Awesome until I want to cry.

Christmas trees in Universal Osaka. Why trees also bigger than people wan.

Some random awesome fried pancake. Just because you're in Jurrasic park you need to eat this.

Magical Harry Potter town

Look what I'm saying? Magical until my skin also look damn purfect.

Pablo mini

Lobster roll

Suppose to be kobe beef but not as nice.

This is nice until wanna cry also. Okonomiyaki!

Why my skin complexion so nice wan.

This yakiniku is awesome untilI don't know what to say.

At Kaiyukan