When it's all good

Been abandon here for quite some times, here's the drama recently...

1. The BF was admitted to hospital

It happened one day before his first day of work, had severe abdomen pain.
At first we thought it's just normal stomachache, turn out to be much serious pain after few days of observation.

The stomach is bloated like delivering baby, and it never gone better. No food or water for 4 days, then doctor decided to operate on him. Doctor removed a 1 feet long sausage from his intestine, and appear to be extra intestine since born.

Total fasting of 9 days straight, now slowly recovering with soft solid food. Good improvement and good weight lost.


2. Days in the Better side

Just training...training and more training.
And the fact that not all product is compatible with each other, the training can only take one at a time. Many of the products are conflicting in each others' interest.

Life is quite...peaceful and free...
Which I can only enjoy for a few days. After that is boring and panic.

Panic for stuck in here. And many struggle in ideology, policies and the way it works.
I tried to imagine thousand times, how to mold myself here, but there's so many argument within myself I can't persuade the innerself.
How.


3. Look forward

Something to look forward to on the bright side.
I have 2 trips coming up, Oct to Taiwan with the girls, and Nov with the poor bf.
Hopefully he's all well by that time and can eat whatever he wants.

360 change

Picture is totally irrelevant. The reason I'm putting this is to make myself happier :)
Remark: I'm not particularly sad, just... very disturbed.

To sum up my recent exciting daily activity and my anticipation, is to crawl up in my couch and watch Suit till the night turns too dark.

It's my daily escape, inspiration and also hope.
To be someone like THAT. Someone who wins, who can snap  a finger and things will work out.
It's an inspiration as well to be someone important, a future person, long sighted visionaries.


Well enough of my obsession.

Been working up and down like a busy bee, for a way out.
I realize things happen if only I allow them to happen. I will succeed if I willing to do so.
All these non relevant dramas and ups downs are not going to affect me. These are just my lesson to learn.

#sotheysaid

But ya, what else to do other than think positively?
Opportunities are there, I just grab the wrong one. Now is my pay back time and I'm glad it come early.

I told everyone the same thing, I'm good. I just need someone to certified me.
I once let go of the one and only mentor I had, and now I'm on my own and have to make sure what I gave up is worth the while.

Life is a bitch

You see me here, means something not right happened.

Argh, when I though life is right, on the right path, good job, good colleague, all gear up to save the world, save the cheerleader, they kill the fuxking cheerleader.

And so here am I, going one big round, giving up my mentor, giving up the company I love, for this shit hole. And this shit hole is kinda...HUGE.

Going around hunting and hunting, hopefully not stepping into another shit hole.

Life is not quite kind to me recently, I'll keep my head up and be a stronger person.

Surreal

Today marked my last day tenure here.
Mixed feeling, sad is the majority.

Feeling insecure, feeling sucky, feeling unlucky, feeling trapped, feeling heavy hearted.

Each time I have this tendency to leave a company just before it gotten into its' best shape. And now looking at the new org chart, I know I'm no where near the management level.

Somehow my progress just stuck at somewhere and can't grow. It make me wonder if people like me who have this kind of personality, not fitted for big task?

Self reminder again, I leave to grow, I leave to feel the hardship, I leave to proof myself that I can, not the one who always look down on myself.

I leave for a tougher reality, leave for better learning, better initiative, a new mind.

I will survive even though it's tough, I can do it.

Understanding

I mentioned to this tons of times, the feeling and the complications for my transition.
Everyday I come early to office, which I never do it before for the past 2.5 years.
I come mostly before 9, int he good days I come at 8am. And despite sleepy, I feel good not feeling rush.

And again, it's his teaching and he's always right. Opportunity is for those who come early.

I can't help to ponder, did I missed something really big in my carreer? Did i do the right thing?
Why do I feel so sad all the time, and feel so insecure?
Why do I see all sorts of issues all the time?

It's complicated

Am I gotten over the whole hoo haa resign-break-up syndrome?
Maybe yes, but not completely.

It's really hard to find anyone to understand how I feel, and yet I wanted to vent out so much.  Trust is so hard to come by, and it's so hard to let go.

Now I'm starting from ground zero again and earning people's trust. Please let me know I did the right thing.
Please let me know I'm better, because I don't feel like it.

People who started at the same ground as me, are already someone, doing something important now. What the hell am I doing?

Indulged

Never know how ungrateful I am until today, when the reality hit me hard that I am going to let go probably one of the best person in my life.

I'm always indulged in nurture and mentor, and I always under-appreciate these.

You shape me who I am today, and I thought I can be on my own, and shaping my life. Seems like it's harder than I thought.