Cream of the top

It's utter silly, and I'm keep doing the silly things.
I'm afraid, when nothing matters to me anymore, and not even family, I'm afraid.

So what matters to me?

The house is quiet, don't even bother to turn the TV on.
Sitting here, working the whole day and see the sun from day bright to dawn.

Plan changed, such a silly thought, although it's not a 'date' per se.

Eating stone hard poppy seed cake brought by a guest few days back, inedible.
Leaving the funny margarine smell in my mouth.

The kids next door is shouting non stop for more than 15 minutes now, the mother is pissed.

---

Wrote a sentimental email just now, I teared when I wrote it.
It mean so much to me, more than myself, more than anyone.

But yet, there's only empty shell I can see, it's practically non of my business.

---

My mom called, she said she wanted to come now, to my house, from Ipoh to celebrate new year with me.
If I'm still the old me, I will feel damn happy.
But deep down I just want to remain as it is tonight.

When you thought you know so much about one, it frightens you that you actually know so little.

It's ok not to be OK at times.

One goal

We once shared the same goal. And now you manage to achieve it, good work mate!
I don't know if that the same goal we shared, but I do believe in that, one day when we reach there, everything will be different. Mentally and physically.

I waited patiently, but time outrun me.

I still feel grateful, you did share with me the news. Something I waited for so so long.

Now here we are, standing on the same ground, same level, but what left?

 On my way back yesterday from hometown, my brother playing all BB's songs.
I felt a bit better listen together with him, he's the one introduce them to me, I think that's the original feeling that I should have.

It's slightly corrupted now, but it's ok. That mark a page in my life, long after this I will remember I once had this feeling when I listen to them. That keep us alive.

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I have my TV on again, to light up the room.

TV seems too noisy.

Tried to find a song to hit on 'replay' mode, hmm....end up still Pink, Blow me...One last kiss.

I remembered I talked to my VN colleague last time, that I might go to VN next year.
He just asked me, when am I going.

LOLed.

Good bye vn beef noodles~ It's fated..that's why the air ticket is always so expensive.
That's why I didn't book it at the first place.
That's why a coincident business trip took place.

I remembered the airticket was booked during the first incident, not long after March.
I have some hesitation that time, I told myself, I shall give myself some buffer time, to decide something so far ahead.

When I decided to book it, the air ticket is ridiculously expensive.

So be the dots connected.

Thailand should be a good start. Live like a man and you never fail.

Stand up straight and look up, the earth is still big, world is not ended, life goes on.

Gold and Diamond boy

有些人的魅力，真的不容忽视。尽管你有多耀眼，对不起，你还是令我想起诸多的不愉快。
暂时，就暂时把你搁着吧。

Rethink

Here I am, putting the TV on and just sit here, letting the TV be my company.
These few days I have some roller coaster emotions, talked to a dear friend and immediately feel better, she's awesome.

Rethink back the time we had. Maybe this is how I lead my own relationship to this stage.
Maybe it's normal, maybe it's not, when feelings cool down, and everything become a norm.
Treating each other good is a norm, being there for each other is a norm, be truthful and completely open to each other is a norm.

Sometimes there's too much norm, nothing is un-norm in the end.
When you feed a sugar glider for fruits and sweet treats for all its' life, you can't feed him even something unsweetened. It'll taste bitter to that creature.

When norm is occupying, there's shouldn't be anything out of the norm. It'll lead to some dead end.

I have to admit, I'm not good at dealing with people. I'm not the sweet-girl-next-door who everyone will love at the first sight. I always have the wrong order in treating people.
But one thing it's always ME, when you treat me 1% kindness, I'll repay you in 10%; if you give me something unexpected, I will repay you with all my life.

I'm the 'all out' person. I don't know how to play games, the cornering games.

Everything looks so damn familiar. I am a girl, I kinda know, although I'm not as girly.

Be grateful, for what I have. Even though life given me a lemon, no worries, sour taste good too.

幻灯片

I just back tracked, the last time I was here with the whole family was 6 years back.
6 years...

The most recent one was just this year, with you and the rest of the happy gang.

I don't like the feeling of still thinking about work when I'm here with family, and I can't enjoy much.
And the fact is, something else is so full in my mind, and yet so empty.

6 years ago

Want to reach out to something, but I can never reach. Is not like I worked hard enough I can gain something. Something is beyond reach.

People have been kind to me, but why am I so restless to bother about the rest of the world?

I have some very important issue to think, think think...why am I so occupied by things I 'm not suppose to think anymore?

There's a hole inside, wanting something to filled, which will never come.

Let it be, the pain and the hole is to remind me, I'm still alive, can feel the pain, can see things clearly, can realize very much later this is the best thing happen to me.

Love, why are you so hard to find, and so easy to slip away?

逝

Hello from Cameron Highland!

Whenever my mind is blank, I can't help but flash back all the memories, everything is like a slide show, like a video playback.

We shared quite some fun memories here, including finding elephant middle of the night :)
Triple date with the others, and we had some really good time and good pictures.

My brain is basically filled with useless things like this.

I still can't understand at times, how can one easily change?
We still talked about love not long ago, and now just merely past tense.
How drastic life can be?

Guess love is just something so worthless, that time can divert love so easily.
I used to not believe it in, then you make me believe it, and now I doubted it.

It's a funny world with funny people. Tomato cheeks again in my mind.
I wasn't the right one from the beginning am I?

Sigh.

Brain Juice

Shouldn't be apple cheek, tomato cheek it is!


Sigh, today has been a rough day.
Didn't had my lunch till 9.30 pm, have some yummy but unhealthy instanto noodle.

My brain is severely damanged, thanks to the boss's goreng session, and I know it's not over yet.
He's sharpen me, and I've been VERY rusted recently.

It's good to polished when I have no more energy and heart to do things. Not to mention passion as well.
'Think, Weisin...I need you to think.'

Well well, I'm so distracted by don't know what, and god knows what..I can't think.
I need to be wide awake anyway, just waiting for the timing. Then another vicious cycle again.

Boss always have a macroscopic view of things. Very mass, the picture is huge. What I can see is a small portion of it. But whenever he lead me, it's like opening doors in that picture, and I tend to see more with guidance.

It's me, need guidance. I can work independently, but I can think very far ahead.
Look at me, things I do are repeating the first quadrant (4 quadrant in the book, 7 Habit of Effective people), the Urgent and Very important things.

Eventually the second Quadrant, which is not urgent, but important stuff are crucial.

He asked me lots of question, I can only answer with my mouth wide open. I'm unprepared.

I can't loose my career anymore, I've lost quite a bit recently. Only not weight.

As much as I want to keep my head up, I can't help myself from overthinking.
Life has been quite good to me, people around are good to me.

Thankful for that, imma have a good life.

Thank YOU.

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Sometimes, just rethink in my position. Things I said are not exactly pointless, all you need is a paradigm shift.