Realization of 29 YO

If there's a time machine, I'm sure my old self will be shock at my new self.
Hello 29!

Beginning of this year I started to have SLOW realization of 29 YO. My final year of being 20s.
I can stop giving myself excuse that I'm young, no one will treat me like a little girl anymore, and don't, don't hope for that too.
I am an ADULT from experience and age.

I need to be responsible for my life.

Let's take a look what are the differences, 20s vs 29s


1. Exercise

I can NEVER imagine myself being a yogi in my early 20s. I used to hate exercising. The only time I did that is because vain reason, I just want to loose weight. I undergone some extreme diet, torture my stomach and eat only fiber. I was young, although it's tough but still bearable. I can almost conclude that I can't do that kind of extreme lifestyle anymore.

After few instances, I started to pick up swimming thanks to my buddy. Then we become regular exercise buddy and started yoga, and some group exercise classes.

Now I am proud to pick up this habit of exercising, and occasionally do it at home when I'm utter guilty for excess rubbish food.

Well done, new me.

2. Health freak

My old self enjoyed food, a bit too much. I still too enjoy food, but whenever I can, I will pack my own cook lunch to work. I'm quite amazed at my determination, although I'm not hardcore, only try to make it 3 times in a week. I'm in sales line, it's unavoidable to have client's lunch/ company lunch every week. But I still quite happy I'm continuing that. My old self will never imagine I could do something sooooo tideous and to be honest, it's not as delicious as outside food with tasty grease and MSG.

Well done again!









3. Open mind

A dear friend commented me many times. i'm super EGO.
I think I am, it's in my nature. I guess that's why since young my vibe telling others that, despite I claimed I'm super low key. Teachers always elected me as class rep, team lead, singing competition, story telling competition and etc. I guess that's the vibe I portrayed even from schooling time.

But this is me. I embrace it and try not to overdo it.
I always refuse to try anything new, something that I'm insecure or knowing that I might not do well.
But this year especially, I tried to have an open mind.

Learning guitar from Youtube although I'm still suck at it
Tried my first ever Marathon and it's ain't that bad.
Going to try more outdoor activities to see if I'm a outdoor person

Be open mind. Way to go girl!


I want to enjoy this year, my last 20s as much as I can. When I read this 5 years down the road, I know I will not be regretted at any decision I made.

I want to be happy, be free and be me.

What do you want?

At this point of time, half way through my final 20s. What do I want?
I feel like I'm floating in these 20 odd years, my expectation is what others expecting me.

I was selected in singing competitions because others are expecting me to.
Story telling because what others think I can do it.
Class rep because... I look like one?
I'm a friend who what my friend think I should be, a daughter of what a mom think I'm should be, a niece, granddaughter of what I'm suppose to do.

Till now, I'm the person people expecting me to do, in career, in relationship.

But what do I want? Who do I want to follow? What do I believe? Where can I go further?
Is this the best of what I can do? Or I can excel further?

Do I want to be ambitious? Or it's just again, expectation?

Do I want to be good all the time? Or someone can excuse me for being naughty and nasty?

I like living up to someone's expectation, that pushes me to a better me. But sometimes I wonder, will my path be different, if I were to live a different way?

Do I LOVE myself?

Will you forgive me if I'm being honest?
Do I always have to give in?
I generally don't like hurtful feelings. Many times I would rather give in to avoid getting hurt, or hurting others.

But anyone care, what I really want? What I expecting others?
Can you listen to me?

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Challenges in work and challenge accepted.
I would rather work on difficult and big projects than dealing with difficult people.
But I guess this was arranged for a reason. If I can go through this, I might be elevated emotionally, to someone better.

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Guitar lessons from Youtube..is slow in progress.
I broke another string today and I have no idea how can I keep breaking the string so fast.
Guess it takes time, lots of time to practice.

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Japan should be able to take off, I hope. Fingercross.
This year seems progressive and I'm happy about it :)

Thank god for laying so much adventures before me. I'm blessed with everything I have.

New resolutions in Q1

Hello world!
Recently I've been thinking a lot.
What do I want to do to spend my last 20s?
Come on, I have only one 20s in my life, do I want to be...just that?

So I've been observing, thinking, watching and more thinking.
I want to do something...different.

1. I want to learn guitar, or pick up a new instrument. Watched a couple of guitar tutorials, ain't that bad! I don't believe I can't do this. #challengeaccepted

Will get my guitar SOON.

2. Learn how to cycle again. People said once you learn how to ride a bicycle, you will never forget. The truth is...this is INCORRECT! I fell the hell out of my ass in Hua Hin while I handsomely thought that I still know how to ride a bike. In fact I just keep on falling back to the bush. And those who sees me from the hotel, You're welcome. Free show, take that. #nooneknowsmeanyway

So why not learn how to cycle again, I'm sure is not that hard, just...fall down a few more times, try to avoid the longkang, cover my face and protect my knees. I think I won't die doing that.

3. I want to go JAPAN.
T____T
I have so many reservations to go Japan again. Money, company, timing, season bla bla bla..
I miss Japan a lot, and not like I can't afford to go, I can still travel cheap-ly. So...I'll just GO.
Regardless who I go with, or go alone. I'll go JAPAN THIS YEAR.

待ってます！

I should spend my last year of 20s wisely. Give myself a graduation present for being a big girl.
Can't wait!!

Little things I need to improve this year

I snapped easily, all this while. People who know me know thinks that I am a bunny with that Bitch face on. But trust me, or ask my brother. I SNAP, all the time.

I used to fight with my brother quite badly because I always angry at him.
I get angry with the world, get angry when I was little why I'm not grown up, get angry when adults tease me fat, piss off when people ask me to do things, serve drink etc.

Reality teach me that the world doesn't evolve around me, I'm nothing. Lay low and just please everyone, as many as you can.

Recently I met one very interesting person. A totally opposite person who I am greatly disagree with.
He choose to ignore his root, he choose to insist on one thing he believe, he choose not to give in, not to tolerate with other because 'he believe so'. He even disrespect his grandparents because he refuse to give in.

In this society... there's really too many situation that we need to change, give in, tolerate, and improvise. Insist on something in one thing, why can't you be considerate when come to socializing?
I don't agree with this, BIG TIME.

However, that aside, back to the title.

I need a small resolution, or rather things I need to do.

1. Learn not to care about many things, too much.
- I already learn not to care about work too much, maybe a bit lesser.
- Step back
- When things are not in your way, give way and move on

2. Resting bitch face must be improved

3. Steady, not to be too emo

4. Be cool, be me, be interesting again. Be the person I'm proud to be, and be the person I want other people to look up to.


Not too hard right?

New year what? Resolution?

So I'm not in the mood to write a new year resolution this year, but let's see how much I've accomplished for last year resolution. Reading back is quite funny.

1. To keep up with healthy lifestyle
I hate to lose weight last time, because I've been using the wrong method. starving myself and very little exercise. Now that I found the correct way, I feel good even though my progress is super slow,  and my weight have been stagnant at 60kg for quite a few months now. But who cares, I feel good, feel my muscle toner, self impressed by my tiny weenie abs line, and most importantly I'm not emo!

STILL STAGNANT AT 60KG.

2. Work harder for the right reason
Work harder-- I told myself. But this year I will work harder for the right reason. Working hard doesn't mean anything. This year has been an eventful awful year, a lot of effort have washed down the drain. Now I need to think wiser, work harder for the right reason.

Maybe I worked less harder now, should work harder again this year.

3. Smile more
Many people who don't know me will think I must be the fiercest person in the entire building, something bad must be happened to me.
I. HAVE. SHIT. FACE, I mean naturally my face is shitty.
It's hard...to smile, so I must smile more so less people will think I'm a crazy bitch.

STILL SHIT FACE.

4. Read more meaningful stuff
I really dislike reading. But this is the only way to be more intelligent, so not forcing to read 'book', but anything which is nutritious.

Hard to judge for this, but for sure I'm not reading 'BOOK'.

5. Cook in a more presentable manner
I love cooking, but I always cook in the more convenient way, with least utensils possible, and no presentation at all. I shall learn how to cook more presentable food.

Improving, can be better.

6. Feel grateful
This year has been quite bad. When I say bad, is really bad. I had so much emotions all the time, but after that I learn to be grateful. It could be worst. So I should do this even better this year.

Not bad, I'm quite grateful for what I have. Occasionally emo but let's blame it on hormone.

7. Invest in myself
One of the article I read, the common thing that successful people have, is they love to invest in themselves. To keep improving, to make yourself more valuable. This year, I must sign up to at least ONE flower arrangement class, the rest can add to the list.

Nope, haven't invest in myself yet.

8. Spend more time with family
Another year older, another year wiser. I should spend more time, go back hometown more frequently while I can.

Failed. Didn't went back home town as frequent as last time.

9. Spend less money on food
Step one to save money. Stop spending so much on food and groceries.

Yeah for this I did it! I throw less rotten food than last time.

So you think you can be nice?

Yeah, you read it right. The nature of my job is full of selfish people and bad competition.
I might be too naive at first, but I always bear in mind that people are not always think the same as me. They might be little bit more evilish than me but heck, I just want to be nice to people and do my job.

From all my previous job, they are non sales related. People genuinely are nice and not that selfish. Probably they are self centered for certain purpose, KPI for example, but not that selfish.

I began to recognition the fact that I be nice to people, doesn't mean a shit. Being nice= I can be bullied. Being nice means I'm harmless.

And hence, different color from different faces appeared. Some murdered you at the back, and smile at you in front.

Some murdered you and not smiling at you, and you realize you're dead meat long after.

The amateur one tried to stab you front and back, and you found out. And still you need to smile at them, just because it's your job to do so.

In few years time is either I turn to become one of them, or I can't take this shit anymore and walk away. To get out of this, is either you climb, climb to the top and become someone, or walk away.

People used to tell me that there are no friends in work place. Guessed I'm spoilt by good people who treated me real nice in all my previous job.

I miss having team mates and ally, who I can trust and we open with each other. We love each other and we achieve the same goal. We selflessly help each other because we can.

Time to grow up girl!

 

People changed, me too.

It's funny to think back how much I've changed... like really a lot.

First of all, physically.

2015!

2013...damn fat!

2012!

2011!Normal sized!

2009...I think my face don't change much.

Enough of myself.

I dislike lots of stuff last time. Furry pets, flowers, men, house chores, cooking etc.

Funny how people changes.

I love all of the above now!
I love flowers, it's a weekly affair although it's wasting money. I feel delighted every morning when I see fresh flowers on the table, and that satisfying feeling when I manage to get a fresh bouquet of flowers.

I used to walk away from dog, as far as possible. But now it's my dream to have a big dog of my own!
Where I can walk my dog, pet him when I back home, someone who I can commit to his life.

I'm excited to know what is ahead of me, how much I will change in another 10 years time.
I hope I am slimmer in 10 years time :)