Rainbow dream

Have a rough morning today.
When I though I'm seeing the rainbow, It's actually not. It's rainbow after storm, and another wave is hitting again.

I'm always conservative in this matter, I shall not hope, shall not comply. Just go with the flow.
Simply put, I just tired of hardship and choose to runaway from the easy way out.
Easy way out ain't solution anyway.

For once I can't help you with, I can only look forward, with a big fear in my eyes.
Let me know when the music stops, and I'll dancing on my own.

Young and Beautiful

The title and picture says it all, current addiction, or rather obsession.

Will you still love me
When I'm no longer young and beautiful?
Will you still love me
When I got nothing but my aching soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful?


How beautiful the lyrics is. Somehow when I repeat the song, it enhance the image in the movie.
Forever young and beautiful love? Dare not to hope, but this is too beautiful not to be obsessed.




Met up with a few colleagues during my trip this time. First time ever I done this.


I'm not particularly close to my colleague, because I'm 600km away from them.
But I'm very damn glad, I'm close to few of them, being cheerleader for few of them. One thing he never wrong. Those who work their life off for the company, are good people.


I'm quite emotional when I see them. There's isn't much to say actually, we don't share common life. But talking to them are something very relaxing. It's like we know each other for years, and catch up after years of not seeing each other.


No picture taken I don't know why. But always in my heart.


One of them gave me a copy of comic today. With a note on it. I just love handwritten note do you know? :)

I probably won't be seeing some of them anymore. We might even not talking to each other. But I had the moment, where we cheer each other up, and be there when I feel lonely fighting.

Power spot no longer power spot, but I hope I will recharged soon!

One good thing is, we can now call friends, than colleague.

Being an adult

I have a big mouth.

Everyone around me should know this. I brag about stuff, talk big about things, being so ego and so full of myself. I have a big mouth.

A lot of times I can't help to express myself, because I'm insecure.

Do you know the feeling of being invisible for years?
I been through that.

And I hate it, I'm don't like to be ignore, probably I wanted to talk so much most of the time. I want to prove myself.

The consequence of being big-mouther, is when you do something contradicting with what you said, you keep quiet.

No matter how helpless, how painful it is, you shut up. Because you talk too big.

---

Being an adult is never easy.
Being stress at the middle of night, thinking about work over and over again, being helpless of current situation, can't even explain your self. Sucks.

Who understand that?

Right now, I just want to run away from this.

Mice poo

There's a Chinese saying, one tiny little mice poo will ruin a whole pot of rice. True enough!

Despite how much a topic is interesting, you want to repetedly talk about the same damn thing. Repeating for weeks is really too much. Best is the topic isn't developing, it's going no where.


Cannot tahan ddd..

---

I love all the jewelry pieces in The Great Gatsby.
How pretty!

The easy way out

Who knows, what leads to what happen today is just an easy way out, to unsee all the problems and issue. Just want to run away from problems?

I think somehow, this is really an easy way out, learning from the hard way is bitter, fruitful and bitter. Somehow it just happen, seems like the most natural thing it could happen.

Insecure, of course.
The security has been void long time ago. But slowly, I told myself, this is not all of it. Take it easy. Breath in and out. Hold on to your thoughts.

I'm learning again, U-Turn and learn again.

Used to be so confident and doubtless about what I said. I control that, because that make an annoying bitch.

Try so hard to be lovable, to be a girl, to be the someone people treasures.

---

The easy thing ain't precious most of the time.
No matter how yummy an apple is, if you place nothing but thousands around a person, he will feel nothing but nausea.

That's the idea. But what can I do ? *laughter*

Roll back to where we were before? No I can't, it's a pattern of life, a habit and a drive.

Keep learning girl, love yourself more, go get yourself the damn bag you want.

Facepalm

The cat is out of the bag, although it's not really a tied bag...

Well, have ups and downs in life, and I really appreciate ups now especially down is nothing but a bitch.

6 months is not a short time, and we learn. From the hard way, from the fearful way, from the hurtful way, but we learn nevertheless.

Shadows, scars and feelings never go away, although i forget things damn fast. If the slight feeling like last time hit, I'll have phobia all over. It's too painful to go through another round.

We'll do baby steps now. I'm impressed, at how we relook into things, how I jump out of that life and look at myself, how I value my own.
And something I learn about myself, I'm just not the average girl I wanted to be. I won't be a princess but always a bitch. Just a soft hearted bitch which is restless.

But I realize I am who I am. If one fine day I become a demanding princessy dumb blond, I'm not me anymore. I just feel happy when I'm in need, when someone need me to fill a spot. I don't know what is right, but I hope this is not too wrong.

For those who spend great amount of time supporting me when I'm in my down time, I appreciate your time and effort in comforting, you mean a lot to me, you contributed my learning curve. Shit might happen in the future, and might cry wolf as well.

I have such a big mouth, mouthful of theory but never manage to apply to myself. I shall practice tighter self regulation.

Ignorence

这是一个自由的国度，大家都有选择权。 可是并不是大家都有良知，有良心。
对于那些政治文盲，政治冷感的败类，怎么忍耐？

不管你是支持哪个帮派，投票，是为了下一代。 我们的下一代什么时候变成孟加拉？你还不如去动物园训练猩猩比较划算？

不用浪费多余的力气和口水，牛就是牛，牛不会变驴子。

在周遭看到这群可怜，甘愿被主宰一辈子的可怜虫， 我有一些问题给你：

1） 你的爸爸，妈妈，妹妹，姐姐，弟弟，朋友，同学， 同事， 有哪个曾经被打枪，抢劫，路霸欺压，晚上回家担惊受怕， 把包包藏在车座地下？ 不要告诉我没有，除非你什么亲人朋友都没有，那么我更可怜你。

2）当你看到你辛苦赚来的钱，不是用来发展国家，不能扶贫积弱，不能废除大道收费，不能自给自足，不能提高生活水平，不能居者有其屋，而是看到某螺丝手上的钻戒比鹌鹑蛋还大，她手上的伯金包比你的车还贵； 不要告诉我你很爽。她没有很美，很难爽的。

3） 想象如果你的下一代和孟加拉人交配，无端端孟加拉人变成第四大种族，那你就去投你神圣的一票。

4) 如果有一天，你的丈夫被带去廉政协助调查，然后死掉了。 孩子还在肚子里还没有来得及见爸爸，结婚也计划好了，最给力的是没有人还你一个公道，就算全世界都知道是他给人dui lam， 可是死死警察／政府／媒体还是告诉你是自杀，无语问苍天，你还有恻隐之心嘛？


---

Imagine I know people who are totally ignorance about the country's election.
How can someone be so ignorance?

How can the safety of the children and the relatives, the wife not concerning them? Crime? Lynas? Corruption? The next generation's education?

How can this not affecting them?

And another one is telling me bullshit about how problematic to make a change. I don't care who you vote for, but human who don't even bother to exercise their rights? You don't earn my respect as a human.

Unless you surrender your citizenship. I shut up and leave.

I have to admit, I'm not a politics follower, I don't even know who's my area's candidate. But people like me, is like thousands of you out there. You know something is terribly wrong, you know there's a lot of injustice and anger, and there's nothing you can do.

Now you can do a least part as a human, so do it.