A U-turn

One U-turn yesterday morning, have changed my life.

Probably this is what I can foresee already, not a happy ending, but is a best ending.

All of sudden, everything surround me have become meaningless. My world shattered into pieces, and I'm trying to figure out which are the original pieces. Probably the original pieces are long gone, they are never exist. I mold myself to other people's life, be it friends, family or lover.

Finally, on the last day, on the bed we shared dreams and tears, I know how you feel for 4 damn years. We never been this frank and clean to each other, I glad we did, once.

The pinching pain still lingers, my eyes are sore, heart bleeding and mind fucked.
But I feel alive, everything I hold on for so long, suddenly they are not matter to me anymore, her existence doesn't matter to me anymore, and I have no right to question now.

If I knew this is happening so soon, I really wish I asked for a tangible object for our big 4, not a bitter-sweet experience. But thanks for that, I really did enjoyed for the 2 hours.

Thank you for the memories.

A chance

Gonna put myself back together, in one.

Great people been telling me stories, encouragement and good advice, as a human being. They been through life, and I am just seeing one small corner of the sky, didn't notice there's a lot more out there. Morale of all stories tell us we have to follow the wise one. So I shall.

Been having a really really bad cough since 2-3 months back. The situation is on and off, and recently the condition is worsen.

I can wake up from sleep coughing, the next thing I know I'll tear all over my face because of the cough. Last night I even have a vomit sensation coughing, I can feel the beer I had last night went up to my throat, and I pushed them all down because I don't want to wipe my puke.

I always though I'm tough, but deep inside I'm vulnerable, just like the cough. It attacked me in the night, when I'm harmless, armless and fragile. The coughing sensation will strike through me. Next thing I know is bad cough and tearing. For that split second, I wish there's a thick , meaty hand to tap on my back, and offer me some warm water or warm hug. Then tug me in to sleep.

Sleeping issue never got better too. I'm extremely tired, but I just can't sleep, a quality sleep. Woke up earlier before my alarm rang. This is so wrong, because I still late for work every freaking day.

Seems like it's gonna rain again now. When will the storm stop?

The connection

This is the song which had warm my heart few years back, been playing nights and days repeatedly.  The warm feeling of his voice and the lyrics, owh so great.

Wheel of Life

Problem is like a merry-go-round now, come and go. It's like adrenaline rush, one moment you feel secure, the next thing you know you'll be shivering in fear.

I want to hold on to something I know I want, I want this to continue, want this to carry on, want a change. But I can't be single-handedly thinking about this.

We must have a mutual vision, and we march towards it.

I really really want to hold on to it... god please help me.

Appreciate the things you have done for me and the house, this is also why I know I want to do this. Shall we? Please?

Mark the day

 

Today is the day you gave me flowers, I must mark the day nyek nyek.

Day turn out quite ok, we had some good time dining together, shared some serious topic.

However somehow I think we can't reach a mutual understanding at some point.

It's ok, I'm just 25, I have enough time to learn through the circle of life. 

Just be it, I figured out, you will too some day.

Thanks again for the flower, it really does lighten me up.

 

Home

After all night long of sadness and grief, I just feel like escaping from the reality. Back to my home maybe? Where I can enjoy all the love in the world from parents. They are the only ones will not stop loving me.

Each step is becoming harder and harder. Looking back, we walked with a pair of happy and healthy feet, now our feet is become dirty and muddy, it's harder to move even one more step.

I still can't understand, what's the definition of you, and your very good friend, hiding behind you.
Perhaps I can find myself a person like that, who will give me all the love and care in the world, but just ...friend.

It's not wrong for yearning understanding and care from a lovely cutie pie. I would love to if I'm a male object.
Maybe it is just destiny. The cross road is passed.

Old pictures

I don't usually post picture. The other half normally is the enthusiast one who will post whatever to FB, now I kinda appreciate he did that, because that mark my life, at least somewhere in the virtual world, there's my foot print.

Nowadays we don't post much, partly my fault for being so mean to you. But thank you for tagging me all along.

In Heidelberg. We climb to the top of the hill and saw the most breath taking scenery in my life. Most memorable sunset ever.

Creative way of taking picture, in Paris outside 凡尔赛宫。I like this picture a lot.

Edinburgh. Didn't notice about this picture before looking back all the pics. Nice shot!

Liverpool dream. walk on!

The annual birthday surprise :) So much love!

The beginning of the dream.

Green green grass. Outside the first Cathedral I 've ever been to. I can remember the surreal moment and the peaceful feeling.

The nerd, the boy, and the big brother.